To be furious at my MIL for cleaning our living room

Destroying clothes, making the dog ill, destroying a wildlife habitat after she was told not to, and damaging relationships repeatedly does seem to fit the definition of horrible MIL though.

My MIL does exactly the same as yours. Takes every opportunity to clean and when she does, moves our stuff around. The other year whilst we were on holiday, she cleaned my kitchen cupboards and moved EVERYTHING about so I couldn't find anything. She's tidied up my paperwork and I couldn't find my passport. Looked for it for 6 months then had to apply for a new one. (I'd only had it 1 year). She's even moved my cutlery about in the drawer. I've come to the conclusion to accept the help.
She's not going anywhere and it's better to keep the peace. No point arguing over the little things now. She does a grand job of looking after our child which is the main thing.

If mowing a few 'weeds' make her happy or dusting and cleaning makes her feel useful, then knock yourself out. They think they're being helpful and helping make your life easier. We know shes annoying, even if she doesnt. They're not here forever and one day you will look back with your husband and talk about all the batshit crazy stuff his mum/ur MIL did with fondness and laugh. I did eventually have words that if she cleans, she's to put everything back to its original place. She's does that now.

At least she's not a horrible MIL, in comparison to some you read on here.

Yup yup yup!

She has y just cleaned though. She has moved furniture around and reorganised where the op and her husband place familiar items. She has put a photo of herself and her son in front of a photo of the op's parents!

She has previously been asked/told not to move things around.

She fed the dog all manner of crap so that the dog was ill in the night.

The op and her husband have tried to be kind and asked her to do specific jobs thinking that would satisfy her need to interfere but she's said no citing back ache etc.

The woman is not doing anything to help, she is undermining the op and causing trouble.

Completely different to your idea of someone giving a helpful hand with household duties.

I also think installing pet cameras is a good idea. Don't tell her you've done it either, it's none of her business, and it's for legitimate reasons. That way if DH slips up, or if she manages to "go to the bathroom" alone you can tell her off immediately because your pet cam pinged you. If she weeps and wails, off she fucks home, and the brothers get put on pre-emptive ignore for a few days.

My SIL is identical to your MIL OP, I would love to know her "diagnosis".

Her son (DH's nephew) has just had a breakdown because of her and has said that he won't visit or call until she apologises and gets some insight into the effects of her behaviour. It's tragic.

Adding my voice to those saying that she simply cannot be allowed in your house unless she is accompanied at all times, with the same unhealthy level of dogged attachment that she gives to the dog.

When the brothers grim ring up to complain tell them it's nothing to do with them and promptly hang up on them. Refuse to engage with them on the subject at all. DH needs to do the same.

In all honestly it sounds like DH is going to have to stop taking his father up on offers to help in the garden or with DIY etc, and change his relationship with his parents to one which is wholly just social, and to at least a greater part, outside of his home.

I was wondering that if she destroyed her son's clothes or just the dil.

I see where this would be frustrating but honestly I'm a little jealous!
If happily let her clean my house - maybe not iron though if she ruins the clothes.

Intact I would just leave her a pile of DH clothes when she comes.

It's probably her MIL 🤣🤣🤣

OP, I agree with PPs she can never be in your house alone. She's obviously manipulative and controlling and she won't respect your boundaries. I don't know if you're planning to have kids, but if you do, I feel for you already!

I have every sympathy for you. She's so batshit I lolled several times at her behaviours, in a this cannot be fucking real kind of way 🤣

Three choices ..
One ..This, above.

Two.. Don't allow her to visit when you are not there.

Three .. Have DH give her a written, detailed, list of cleaning that she can do if she visits him while you are not there. Such as ironing from specific basket, folding clothes from specific basket, hanging up washing on line, taking down washing from line, sweeping hard floors, cleaning the bathroom with specific cleaning kit. washing outthe fridge,
Outdoor yard work like - weeding specific garden beds, mowing back lawn, picking up sand toys from lawn, washing the car, washing the rubbish bins, vaccuming the car and sweeping up leaves. Have such a long list every time and if she deviates from it she will not be welcomed next time.

When she does help and does stick to task, be very thankful.

you aren't being unreasonable. Your home should be just that.... YOURS. Not hers.

I also suspect that she does this shit to create drama that she can share with the brothers too. It wouldn’t surprise me if the brother’s wives think she’s a manipulative witch too. PLUS, OP becomes the enemy, not her. Cow.

My DM has done that sort of thing. We have had some straight talks over the years.

Once I had a new bathroom put in all done in sea greens and blues against white and when she came to stay she changed all the towels (including our personal ones) and mat replacing with (clashing) dark orange ones without telling anyone. I just put them in a pile on the landing. She said "you don't like them do you?", "nope", "I'll take them away shall I?", "yep"

The wild flower incident would have ended in a permanent ban here

It is mental illness. This is not normal. My mother was similar.

You think if you have sons it turns you into someone who can’t respect her children or their partners?

That seems like a particularly bizarre view of psychological development.

Can you husband go and see her at her house instead? So she doesn't visit you?

I’m staying with my elderly mother at the moment and the clutter, chaos and complete lack of logic to kitchen cupboards etc is making me crazy. Never in a million years though would I start rearranging stuff or sorting it out. She likes it the way it is and it’s her house.

What is happening to the MIL? She isn’t being murdered.

My MIL was an absolute bitch but she was wise enough to recognize that my home was not her home. We respected each other and when I was a guest in her home, or she a guest in mine, we knew how to behave.

Hope your kids are boys and this happens to you.

Not demented! Garden variety narcissism. If OP hangs tough she should expect an extinction burst of hysterical activity and probably a “lawn tantrum” where she comes to your front yard-in an American suburb it would be a lawn—and throws herself down and flails her arms and legs like a toddler in a rage.

Dementia?

My Ex MIL was exactly like this ugh YANBU at all