To be furious at my MIL for cleaning our living room

@GelatinousDynamo how are things now? I hope your husband is being more supportive and she has learned to respect boundaries

Tell your husband to contact his father and uncles with a carefully positioned message. Not from you - from him. Family.

"I'm very worried about mum.

Some of the things she's done lately are making me feel very concerned about her health.

I really am starting to think she may be not very well.

She's becoming forgetful - we've asked her not to try to do ironing and mowing and cleaning things that she's not very good at these days.

We've asked her many times not to do this but unfortunately in her forgetfulness she's damaged several of our things.

She completely destroyed my wild flower meadow that I'd spent a lot of time and care and money on. I know her back isnt very good but she even forgot that and got the heavy mower out.

She's ruined some of DWs clothes by trying to iron them and not understanding the labels.

And she forgot that the poor dog needs a particular diet for his health, and fed him some things that made him ill so we had an expensive vet visit.

As I say I'm worried about her.

She's becoming rather childlike in her reactions and I do think it's time as a family we keep more of an eye on her behaviour and understanding of what isn't acceptable.

It's all very sad and upsetting, isn't it?..."

Lay it on with a trowel.

The flying monkeys (the brothers she winds up and sends out to do her dirty work for her) need to start shifting how they see their "angelic" sister.

Just smile say nothing if she mentions it say.....it didn't look any different

There is tidying up, and then there is officiously, and against specific repeated requests not to do this, moving furniture and changing decorations including hiding photographs of the OP's family. The first might be useful; the second is being a complete PITA.

Oh yes do this!! Come on what's good for goose and all that xxx 

Zombie thread!!!

Oh dear, I wish someone other than me would tidy up. You might appreciate it one day. It doesn’t get any more fun and you get no thanks for it.
if this is just a vent carry on. X

🤣🤣 at the I'll have her if you want rid comment.

God she sounds mental! She sounds like she needs cousnelling or something

And discover it is 6 months old.

She must hammer the creases out.

I agree. the word that stood out for me was "listless".
I think she's depressed at the very least. Also very manipulative.
Not OP's problem but a solution might be to take her along to a voluntary session (maybe enquire at a charity shop?). But that might be a long and fruitless attempt. I would venture to guess that her husband has made suggestions but they have been ignored.

Yes because ironing is well known to be a very loud and noisy process...

This is one of those threads where you really do have to RTFT

This works so much better with my inlaws than being visibly angry. Although it can end up a bit like a scene from the film Monster in Law where you just have a really loud and ridiculous crying contest.

This.
She enjoys drama, esp where she can be the victim.
Grey rock is your friend here.
And very low contact, as low as possible.

Well if she was cleaning while moving stuff, as in washing skirting boards and cleaning windows, I'd tell her to carry on 😂 just spend 10 mins putting furniture back once she was away 😂😂

Sorry MIL, the dog is allergic to you. Breaks out in a rash with stress at the very idea you would be in sole charge. That's why I had to take your photo off the sideboard, he started howling when he saw it.

or just tell DH that if he ever entertains even hinting that dogsitting/having a key back is even a possibility you will both be moving house one way or another.

OP, my DH's family is pretty toxic, and your phrase about your DH 'breaking' rang so true. When some fresh outrage happens, my DH is completely on board with my fuck-that-shit stance, but he inevitably starts to back track and minimise, and I'd have to remind him why we made the decisions we did, etc. Basically he's trying to rehabilitate the offender in his own head and mine.

I've stopped doing that now. I don't need his permission or consent about what I'll put up with or when. I simply tell him, no, that won't be happening, and you know why, then walk away. It's made life a lot easier. I totally get why it's so upsetting, but you can make it clear to him that he doesn't get to choose them and stay married to you.

👏👏

@GelatinousDynamo Your DH is breaking because he's had a lifetime of MIL emotionally manipulating, blackmailing and guilt tripping him not helped by his uncles backing her up and wearing him down so he's conditioned to always give into and pacify her. Not that it excuses his taking it out on you because you have developed firm boundaries. Honestly your description of MIL and how she is with her brothers and DH sounds like what I call emotional incest especially refering to your DH birthday as 'their day' it isn't its DH's day its HIS birthday.

Next time he makes a sarcastic remark to you calmly ask him how he would feel if your mother came round and rearranged your house and went down his private things and put a photo of her and you in pride of place to hit the message home.

I wouldn't be surprised if she's been pouring venom in his ears over how mean and difficult you're being and "I only want to help" with CROCODILE TEARS thrown in.

I also think your MIL is trying to be the matriarch and you threaten that position because you won't allow her to control your life and home so she's escalating her behaviour to get power and control, one tactic is effectively using your DH as her flying monkey to wear you down like she does with her brothers they are flying monkey's too. Don't break keep those boundaries strong and wait her out until she has exhaustes every power play and tactics until she runs out of ideas it will happen I've seen it myself. Good luck OP and please keep us updated.

My tinkly laugh always morphs into a 'fly my pretties' cackle.

It does the job though.

God, the thought of her looking after your dog on her own. She'll have a field day.

1. She will likely 'accidentally' make it ill because she gets soooo confused about all the rules about chocolate and oh it's so complicated for her and she only meant well
2. She will be taking your dog to the emergency vet every other day because she's so 'worried' about it
3. She will offer to pay the vet bill(s) while simultaneously telling her brothers that you're bleeding her dry when she's only trying to do you a favour
4. Drop heavy hints to everyone she knows that she's soooo worried about the animal's welfare because it's 'always ill', but she knows from experience that she's not allowed to say anything
5. She will let the dog escape out of the front door
6. She will take the dog for a walk and 'lose it'
7. She will ring you constantly about whether or not she is 'allowed' to do basic things like changing the dog's water (that has mysteriously spilled) because she's soooo worried in case you will think she's interfering if she tops it up
8. You will come home and find her in tears of 'worry'

Don’t forget the head tilt too!

I’m both laughing and melting here at your beautiful dog and the fact you’ve put it in the picture frame.

He even sarcastically asked me to today if his mother "misbehaved again" yesterday...

Sod that. Put it back on him. "What sort of behaviour are you talking about?"

if 'anything you didn't like', try "What behaviour is it you think I don't like?"
"You were there - do you think she did <that kind of behaviour>?"

Don't be drawn in. Get specifics so he acknowledges what it was that she actually did. Then he can try and remember for himself if she did that again.