Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so confused by DH behaviour

56 replies

HouseRen · 07/03/2024 22:12

Every night I put DC (2 and 4) to bed. DH helps a bit but really just gives then kisses. He then goes downstairs and tidies up (20 mins) and then play video games. I can be upstairs for over an hour - 90 mins getting them to bed (2 x v hyper young kids)

I was exhausted today. I work FT and I was begging the 2 year old to go to bed

I was a bit frazzled and snapped at kids. I told DH that it felt unfair he was playing video games while im upstairs for so long and he said he does the tidy every night so its fair. So I said "cool, let's swap then" and he said fine but now is really off with me, not come to bed with me.

I don't understand. Often conversations feel normal but I've done something to cause him to seem annoyed.

Any advice? Should I just be firmer with kids? He's making me feel like a bad mum for not wanting to do bedtime every night.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 07/03/2024 22:23

Lol, of course he's off with you. He tried to pull one over on you, and you cleverly reversed it.
He knew full well he had the easier deal, and rather than being a decent husband and either a)stepping up to do half or b) (because he can't do it) acknowledge your awesome effort - he chose to gas light you in to pretending it's fair.
Enjoy doing whatever it is you want to do for an hour tomorrow.

PaminaMozart · 07/03/2024 22:22

Yes, you probably should be firmer with your children's bedtime.

But he needs to be involved and do half the bedtimes.

RunningAwayToJoinTheCircus · 07/03/2024 22:20

He's a lazy disengaged fucker who does what he thinks is "just enough" that he can use it against you - "oh yeah wah, I tidy up Every Day, stop moaning" while you do what he considers the "mummy work"
Then when you raise the subject he tried to punish you and show his disapproval in the hope you will get back in your place and carry on.
He's being a twat, and he knows it, but won't admit it because then he might have to put down his game controller and actually help parent his children!

Mnk711 · 07/03/2024 22:19

Ignore him (i.e. dont arhue with him anout it, not literally ignore him), do the swap, then have another conversation after that about it all as he may be more kindly disposed to your view after experiencing it himself.

TooMinty · 07/03/2024 22:18

Nah he's off with you because he doesn't want to do bedtime but he can't say it without looking like a massive dickhead! Stick to your guns and get him to do it tomorrow. Don't step in and help him or take over - just clean up then sit down and enjoy your relaxing time.

BigFatLiar · 07/03/2024 22:15

You've had a bit of an argument. He may be back to playing his video games for a while.