To think my DH should have eaten the dinner I cooked

He sounds a bit of a dick tbh, he would hate living in my house as no sign lf delicious home cooked from scratch meals. If I'm cooking something that other half is iffy with I just warn in him in advance that he can get something else for him.

I think he should have said « I’ll just grab a sandwich this evo because those bag things aren’t my cup of tea »

Or « I’m not feeling the chicken I’ll grab something later ».

He is an adult he can choose what he eats. But he could have been more polite.

Are his long work hours a ploy to avoid doing his fair share of chores?

Spam fritters! That made laugh out loud!😂 😂 😂 Excellent!

But you are absolutely right.

She didn't know he didn't like it.

I had to work very hard not to put that in all caps.

I do think it was a bit silly to get something you know he doesn’t like. Still they do say if you want a job done properly do it yourself…

Yeah, no, it's hard for me to imagine how exactly you can 'really get to know someone' to the extent of knowing that they're going to behave like a sulky child if they're served a dinner they don't much fancy.
I don't disagree that the OP needs to change something, though. But I think she needs to change something by saying 'Eat what I serve after a long tough day – or at least don't encourage the kids to fuss about food – or do some fucking shopping and cooking yourself.'

Of course, everyone changes as they mature and develop and relationships evolve, doesn't make it any less important to really get to know someone before committing and the onus is on both parties to continue to communicate and make their boundaries clear throughout and they will get through the changes, or decide to part ways.

Dropping hints of how unhappy she is in protest of how the relationship is developing overtime is not in the OPs best interests, and damaging for her children. Of course he appears to be out of order from OPs side of the story, but telling her that doesn't do anything to help her move forward. If she doesn't communicate the issue nothing is going to change, she will continue to resent him and the children will continue to be stuck in a cold war zone.

It’s not about whether or not he eats it.
It’s about telling you off in front of the children.
He eats what he wants.
He could have made himself a sand and come back to the table without making that comment.

By the way it might make sense to suggest that you take turns cooking dinner.

Bolo appears at least ast once a week in our house as can shove a load of frozen veggies in slow cooker with mince, tin toms etc and it's ready. Then left overs get turned into lasagne

It's not as simple as set it at the start and that's you for life, though.

The husband may well not have revealed his rudeness and childishness right away.
My PDP and I are nothing like this couple sounds (thank God) and we did always have the same views on many things (funnily enough including the 'if I cook, you jolly well eat it' approach to food). But over the years we've both shown parts of ourselves that weren't obvious immediately (not deliberately, it's just how it happens). And things like work – who's busiest/working furthest away etc – and health – I have a chronic condition that means sometimes I cannot face stirring a pot or scrubbing potatoes – change over time too.

In short, there's no point tutting at the OP for not having got her DH's problems/approaches/manners all listed and noted the moment they decided to go in together. On an ongoing basis, he should be basically respectful and grown-up and pull his weight, without having to be told.

I just struggle fitting in my full time job around everything and being expected to do the house chores on top because I'm at home rather than out in an office.

Expected by whom? The Lord and master? He’s home at 4/5pm so there’s no excuse. He does 50% of cooking and chores. And then you can turn your nose up at his spam fritters.

You accommodated his tastes by choosing something Italian that he would normally like. He acted like a child, and in doing so triggered your child to act like a child.

YANBU. He should have tried it, eaten it if he could manage, and then said quietly later, that wasn't for me, can we not have that again?

But he didn't know he didn't like it, he just hadn't much liked similar dishes.

And in any case, if someone has cooked for you, for just bloody eat it (unless it is actually inedible). Be grateful that you've got food on your plate.

OP's DH needs a kick up the bum, frankly

Which is why it is so important to get the measure of a person you are going to commit to, maintain your boundaries and keep communication ongoing. Do not tolerate the mental load, but also do not get into a situation you are not happy with in the first place then make feeble hints it is a problem, deal with it directly.

It takes two to set the dynamic of a relationship.

Exactly. I do all the cooking in my house too (not a complaint, I love to cook). But that means as well as considering what everyone else likes, sometimes I cook what I want. You want me add negotiations into every meal time as well? Absolutely not. You want every meal to be your favorite, you can very well come home in time to cook.

You have a DH problem - if he wants to be fussy then he needs to step up and make a genuine contribution to meal planning and catering.

However, in the short term I think you would find a recipe box like Gousto or Hello Fresh life-changing.

He shouldn’t have to force down a meal
he doesn’t like just to set a good example for the kids

Damn right she resents the mental load. I would too.
What would really be 'much better' would be if the husband here 'dealt with the problem' by coming out of his oh-so-important office sometimes and doing his share of parenting, food shopping, cooking and general thinking.

How can a couple be with each other long enough to be married and have kids, but don't know each others general food tastes.

It does sound like you picked up something you knew he probably wouldn't like based on previous experience with chicken in bag, but didn't care because you/the kids ate it, didn't even mention it before putting it down in front of him. Also very strange he didn't ask "what's for dinner" while it was cooking.

dh and I have some meals one or the other of us doesn't like, but we still have but we do this thing called communicating - you should try it. He knows I am not keen on burgers, but he and ds like them, so we will discuss, he will make them for ds and I'll sort something else out for myself. I know he likes pasta but is not keen on pasta bake type things (regardless of flavour). No biggie.

I suspect you resent doing the mental load of choosing food and doing most of the cooking and this is your way of making a point. Would be much better if you dealt with the problem directly instead of letting it gnaw away at you and resulting in you taking it out on each other in front of the kids.

So rude.
Next shop, fill a fridge shelf with pizzas and cook only proper meals for yourself and DC going forward. When he says he’s hungry point him to his shelf of pizzas.
At least you know he likes them 👍

To be honest, it sounds horrible to me. I would hope my DP would never cook something like that, and I certainly wouldn’t eat it if they did. Your DP could have been more polite about it, but I don’t blame him for turning it down.

Ok that is 100% not on. DH and I both regularly have to work in the evenings, but it doesn't give us an opt out from family life.

Normal people come home, if one's cooking the other one is tidying/helping with homework or reading/spending time with the kids, and then bedtime is either shared or alternated. And then work that needs doing gets done AFTER the kids are in bed (or if it's the other parent's work for bedtime).

Crap parents and partners hide away doing "work" while the other parent gets all the jobs done, to maximise their free time after kids are in bed.

Some people are much more sensitive eaters than others. Whilst I’d eat almost anything cooked for me I wouldn’t expect anyone to eat anything they didn’t like or want. Those sweat in the bag things all have a bit of a same taste and specific texture and I can understand why he didn’t want it having told you twice he didn’t like them. However as the one cooking you’re at liberty to cook what you like and keep it low maintenance and he can sort himself. The issue is really that he appears to think you’re his servant and your purpose is to cook his favourite meals every night despite you working full time? For that I think he deserved to wear his dinner!

I don't get the big deal.

He previously expressed he didn't like it. And you're surprised he still doesn't like it?