My boyfriend of a year wants to fly to another state to visit his two female friends at college

But presumably they weren’t a flight away in another state?

But nobody knows people until they are introduced.

He can introduce her to them.

My boyfriend introduced me to his female friends as soon as he could. He very very rarely socialised with them, without inviting me along. Sometimes I said no. But i was always invited.

She doesn’t know these other two women, she won’t know the people they know, have any past history with the group, will need to have old jokes and references explained, and the boyfriend will have to keep checking she’s enjoying herself/not feeling left out etc. Much less fun for both the boyfriend and his two friends. There have been endless threads on here complaining about someone inviting someone the others don’t know and spoiling the dynamic. The others just want some straightforward fun. If it’s a serious relationship, everyone will meet eventually.

This really depends on how emotionally deep your relationship is.
Are you ' exclusive'.?
Are you reading more into the relationship than there is????
No its not ' weird'.

I just think that youve got more of a claim on him than he has of you.
Maybe hes looking for a way out, to draw a line under it.
Poor You.
I would be hurt - unless youre just mates???
This situation Could you become ' HOT and COLD'
How frustrating, I should remove his options now.
If you continue, he might start stringing you along - for years.
You have started to feel confused - and gaslighted. RED FLAG !!!!!

I completely disagree. I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend took a flight to see two female friends without me.

And op sees it as she can't go as she is intruding on their friend group. How can a girlfriend intrude on a friend group?

I had one boyfriend that had lots of female friends from school/college. Any time that he saw them, he invited me aswell. I got on with them all.

Not inviting you along seems strange to me

@YourCoolCyanPeer well
Stop being insecure and jealous, not good traits!

It’s important to have and maintain friendships.

As you implicitly trust him, it means you are trying to control him. If I was your boyfriend I would see this as a big red flag.

Would any of us like our boyfriends flying to see two female friends?

I actually work with a married man who went on HOLIDAY with two female friends. I think his wife is a total mug for allowing that.

I've seen this same married man on nights out. When his wife is not with him, he flirts and gropes every woman there.

You keep insisting this isn't a trust issue, but everything you say suggests it very much is.

I honestly wouldn't be happy with what the ops boyfriend is doing.

But I've never been able to have a conversation with a boyfriend about it, where he didn't call me crazy and then wear me down till I gave in.

This included my boyfriend who cheated on me with said female friend. :).

I'd rather be single :)

don't think she's a teenager? Sounds early twenties. And there a lot of people in their twenties on here

Well OPs boyfriend is at college so most likely aged 18-22, I'm assuming OP is a similar age.

I don't think she's a teenager? Sounds early twenties. And there a lot of people in their twenties on here

Mumsnet has become a teen dating advice forum? Weird.

Agree. Can you go together? Or could both of you have a holiday somewhere else?

*I'm not in the UK either.

Mumsnet is popular all over the world. I'm jot in the UK either.

I think it's seen as a good forum for relationahip/family/friends advice.

It's a good forum for women. Parenting is just one part of this site

It's a really difficult position to be in op, I feel for you

Because if a man wants to see his female friend, the girlfriend can't really win.

If we say : no I'm not happy with that. He can potentially call you crazy and paranoid.

If we say : I'm fine with that. Even when we are not fine with it. It can lead to us being angry and hurt.

Ask him would he be happy with you flying alone to see two male friends.

And why can't you go with him?

I wouldn't be okay with it to be honest.

Years ago, my boyfriend went to London to do a course. He went for dinner with his female friend.
He told me after it happened.

I honestly didn't like it. But i kept it to myself.

I thought to myself he knows her for longer than me, he's allowed to have female friends. So I swallowed it down.

I then found out through someone else that his last girlfriend had had a lot of problems with this particular female friend.

I still didn't say anything. I just had a bad gut feeling.

He ended up cheating on me with this female friend. And we broke up. I think if you have a bad feeling, it's usually right.

Why does your boyfriend have to go alone. Can you go with him?

@YourCoolCyanPeer it's not really weird lovely.

Have been left in your home town whilst he has gone to college?

You both seem to have different perspectives wrt your relationship. Perhaps he's more casual?

I don't think, putting the key to your happiness into his pocket will be of any benefit to you at all.

Please have a think about and re-read what both these posters are advising and maybe chat to your Mum/sister/friend? Wishing you the very best🌻

As @Greengumby says "You need to decide if this relationship is still working for you and figure out if you share the same vision/plan for your future to determine whether the short term pain (of distance) will be worth it."

and @JaninaDuszejko "I'm going to tell you what I'd tell my teenage daughter. You're very young and you are having a long distance relationship. I won't tell you to end it because you're experiencing first love and think this is it. But the probability is that it will end and you should approach it in that way and both prioritise your friends."

Its definitely a trust thing if you would be okay with him going if it were lads.

The excuse about going out of his way to go is the reason why you find it strange is a control thing.

So it's a trust thing or a control thing. Neither is conducive to a successful relationship going forward.