If you are overweight now do you think your partner still finds you attractive?

@ohatefiftyfor whatever, you’re entitled to your opinion. Personally I see a real shift, as boomers, gen z and millennials had the awful diet culture pushed on them and internalised a lot of dodgy messages, like (imo) the one above.

I know I see lots of gen Z being much more relaxed about the whole thing, which is what you would expect to see, as they have been raised in line with body positivity.

My DP is overweight and I know he feels self conscious but I still fancy the arse off him and I’m sure you DP is likely to be the same! Unless he’s saying or doing things to make you think this?

Humans don't find excess, unhealthy fat on the body attractive. It's just a fact and no amount of influencers are going to change that.

Realistically it is often not though is it.

My wife has, as have I, gained and lost weight during our decades-long marriage, I've never once not found her beautiful and been attracted to her.
I think in long-term relationships attraction is a complicated combination of love, lust, connections, history, affection, memories, closeness, trust, and commitment.
It's not just a superficial response to a number, or size, or concepts of perfection. I've not explained that very well I guess, but I know what I mean if that makes sense!

I’m heavier now than I was when I got with my husband, nearly ten years ago. I was 21 and a size 10, and now I’m 30 and a size 14. He still fancies me, of that I’m certain.
In your situation, I can understand and empathise with how you’re feeling but I’m pretty sure you’d know about it if your husband didn’t fancy you! It sounds like this is ‘just’ a confidence crisis about getting older and putting on a bit of weight.

years ago I was having a similar crisis of confidence. He hugged me and said it doesn't matter, I'm not in love with this - prodded arse - I'm in love with this - prodded head. It was definitely done in a better manner than I make it sound 😆
Neither of us is the same as we were more than 20 years ago, but it doesn't matter. Still fancy the pants of each other.

Attractiveness should be secondary to health risks when it comes to weight.

Also, I’m bi, and I am prettymuch only interested in size 12/14 up - I just don’t particularly find very slim women attractive. 🤷‍♀️ People have different tastes.

Well if it’s any consolation, many, many years ago I was engaged to a VERY good looking guy for 6 years who quite frankly couldn’t keep it in his pants.

I was size 8/10 and took great care of myself. Everyone ex cheated with was at least size 14 and often larger.

I finally left him and met my wonderful DH 2 years later thank God.

Ex F lives in another city and so I never saw him again but one day discovered on SM that he married in his early 30s to a very nice looking lady who I would say is definitely 18/20. Their dd’s who are now adults are both the same.

I am still quite petite whereas my DH has always been on the heavier side. ExF was always slim and still is, (Although his looks didn’t age well.)

Turns out we both definitely weren’t each other’s type. 😂

The whole ‘overweight people aren’t attractive’ is just brain rot that was introduced to you when you were young. Once you reprogram yourself to see it as what it is, and that a normal range of bodies and body types can be attractive, then you will feel better.

i would suggest looking at mid size and plus size fashion influencers in order to feel better about yourself. seeing happy people of all shapes and sizes have fun with fashion is nice.

An average or short women is highly likely to be OW at a size 14. You're arguing the wrong point. The argument should be that it's perfectly possible to be both OW and attractive and that OW does not equal ugly. Claiming that people who say they are OW are not really OW just confirms the idea that's its a shameful thing that we should pretend not to be. It's also very unhelpful to women who are even larger and unquestionably OW. You're OK at size 14 because you're not really OW. But if you were size 18....
OP, if your partner didn't find you attractive, you'd likeky know about it. Your weight is just one aspect of your overall appearance and having a bit more of it doesn't stop you being gorgeous.

Honestly, I don't feel he can however, we are in love with each other, he makes all the right sounds and gestures, Valentine's cards with thoughtful messages but I feel part of the excitement in our mid 20s was due to the infatuation with each other and both not being able to resist each other due to how we perceived each other's looks! He based his first interaction with me on looks as he asked me if I wanted him to buy me a mojito, he didn't know me so he was attracted to my looks. However, that was 18 years ish ago and we still have elements of that intensity, we are quite up and down though which is not a visual attraction, it is personalities that clash enough to keep things exciting but also a connection that is impenetrable (I think).

Yes he does
But maybe if he didn't I wouldn't have got so fat?
That's not to blame him but I would have liked him to notice.

I don’t think anyone looks at fat and thinks it’s attractive as it’s not, but that’s not the same as finding your partner attractive still as attraction goes more than skin deep

Ah here. Dh is bald now. I still fancy the pants off him. Im defo not a young wan either but he sure does make me feel like i am.
As beautiful south say, time takes its toll but not on the eyes...
He still thinks im fabulous.

Yes I’m 5ft 1 and I’d be 100% overweight at 12-14

I'm overweight and my partner fancies me.

His hair's going grey and I fancy him.

I don't think most people.are really looking for a perfect body, are they?

I don't know, dh has put on a lot of weight and I don't really fancy him at all.
I love him and I'd never leave him but I don't find him attractive to look at anymore, although when you've been together a long time looks are just on the outside and it's who's inside that counts and he's still the same man it's just he is 3X bigger than he was and his hair has gone.
So yes I love him dearly and will never go anywhere but would I look twice at him if I met him today no, but I'm glad I did fancy him and marry him because he's a lot nicer than some of the guys I hear about on here.

a happy person is an attractive person, whatever size they are.

This. We all get older and 'lose our looks' in the very limited way that society's standards of attractiveness dictate, but sexual attraction and love go way beyond such limitations and people of all shapes, sizes and ages are attractive to their partners. Most men are less hung up on body image than women too, generally speaking. They like a shag and find the prospect of one attractive, rolls of fat are neither here nor there, or they actively might like the feel of them. You need to either get more broad-minded about what's attractive or to think much less about it and try to not define yourself by your weight or shape. I'm a size 16 in my late 40s and feel more attractive than I ever have because of confidence and life experience and knowing what I enjoy. Enjoying sex is pretty attractive too, so worry less about what he finds attractive and focus on feeling good about yourself.

@Babla it often is. I’m a size 14, at 5”2 I’m about 2 stone overweight at this size.

I'm a 12/14. I'm not remotely overweight. But I'm 6ft. I work with someone who is 5ft 1. If she wore 12/14 she would probably be a little overweight

Yes, definitely. I could do with him finding me less attractive, frankly! I'm early 40s and a size 16, though I'm a similar size to what I've always been (size 14).

Dh is not the size he was when we met either 😂back in our roaring 20s. And I still find him as attractive as ever.

You are not your weight. Your body is only a small part of who you are and who your husband is attracted to (unless he’s a shallow twat, which he doesn’t sound like). It’s your own issue with self worth and linking your worth to your weight that you need to tackle… nothing to do with your husbands attraction to you…

It can be depending on your height

Im just 5ft and im overweight when im a size 12/14