If you are overweight now do you think your partner still finds you attractive?

I’m a size 22 (feel gross and am on my own weight loss journey). Was a size 18 when we met three and a half years ago. DP is ten years older than me but works out and keeps himself in good shape, but literally just told me he was “definitely punching up” with me.

Well said.

Overweight is not the same as obese. Just a bit over normal bmi looks fine on many people.

Depends how much your face has changed tbh.

Answering the other way round my OH is 2-3 stone heavier than when we first met and I don't see it at all. It's like he hasn't changed at all in my eyes. My attraction isn't tied to his body being a set shape size etc.

I however relate to you in that my body has changed after 3 children and its difficult for me to feel attractive. We can only believe our partners (mine struggles to believe me and points out his rolls, but I am honest I still find him attractive) whilst working on our own confidence. I am exercising but need reconstructive surgery that We can't afford so it's a real struggle.

16 years together and 1 DD, and I've gone from a size 18 to a 28/30 and he reckons he still fancies me - I don't believe him and I'm hopefully having weight-loss surgery soon because I hate the way I look/feel and wish I was in better shape for both him, DD and me

Obesity is a disease

🍔

Odd answer to an odd question, OP.
I'm 44 now and never let myself become overweight. For my own benefit, not for men to find me attractive or not.
And, it's a great feeling to actually stop caring about that!
Btw, you are not "fat".

It absolutely does. I am not tall enough for my weight. I should be about 7 foot 2.

I do. As attractive as no roll of fat.

Ive had girlfriends of all shapes and sizes- skinny with big boobs, andro straight up and down, ‘curvy’ size 14’s etc

My wife is a size 24 at least and just as attractive to me as my girlfriends who were ‘heroin chic’ skinny.

Ive been everything from a size 6 to pushing a size 24 in the corse of my marriage (disability/medication related), and my wife has fancied me the whole time.

My weight has been up and down a bit due to pregnancies. DH definitely didn't stop fancying me, because he fancies my personality, not my belly. If you are asking whether he prefers me to be more trim I'd say yes he probably does, but I think it's a small preference rather than anything important.

If it had been long term weight gain and significant enough to affect my health, I'd expect him to speak to me seriously and kindly about it from a health perspective. I think if the positions were reversed and DH put on significant weight, I wouldn't stop fancying him because of what he looked like, but I might struggle to respect him if he didn't care enough about his health, his longevity, and his family to rein it in. (This applies to DH only, who has no issues with food and had a good childhood - in HIS case weight gain would be a choice. I'm not speaking about other people's situations).

Size 18 here and DH often says he loves my body. Was a 12 when I met him.

Have you got 100 toes per feet? You've got 600,000,000 toes!😂😂

I completely agree with your comment about being extremely thin in your 40’s, @LocalHobo. I’m nearly 50 and my friends in their 40’s/50’s who are v. thin have deep lines and look far more haggard than people who are size 10/12/14, for example. We need a little more fat under our skin at this age to counteract the lines. 😂

I've gone from a size 8-10 to a 14 after having my daughter. I feel awful in myself but husband doesn't seem to care

I’ve always been attracted to men with chunky, rugby players-type builds so inevitably I married someone with that frame. Now in his 50’s, some of the muscle has turned to fat snd his doctor’s told him that he needs to lose over a stone. I can see it, obviously, but I still fancy the pants off him, I find everything about him attractive. I don’t look the same either but he’s also very keen on me so we’re well-suited. 😂

In all honesty if he became extremely overweight (morbidly obese, for example), I don’t know whether I’d feel the same way. But then we’d have far more serious health issues to contend with if that happened.

I looked so good and now I really don't. So that is the issue, not your size. Most of the women I know look fabulous and glow at a size 14/16, and now we are over 40 my size 8/10 friends look sinewy and serious.
I know this is only my experience but your self confidence will improve your appearance.

How do you know?

Yes I know he does. The energy between us is still the same as it always was.

I was tall, long blonde hair, two perfect large breasts, size 12 and I'm now wirey mousey hair after being bald, size 18 and 1 breast and 1 botched mastectomy and I've lost 4 inches in height so that size 18 shows a lot.

We've always been crazily attracted to each other and at times I've found it hard to believe he still does fancy me but I know he does and he turns heads literally everywhere, that's just a fact.

Sex and intimacy is more than just two bodies. A certain state of mind/enthusiasm is very attractive too. Stop thinking you're just the sum total of your body whether or not it's bigger than it used to be. If I focused on what I look like now compared to what I used to I'd crawl in a hole and die.

I have one nearly 17 year old DS he is very thin but definitely appears to be of this more enlightened thinking than boys of my generation at that age. However, I have a nearly 13 year old DD who is very thin and I worry all the time about her views on this. I was young when heroin chic was all over magazines but then things changed a bit in late 90s with stronger looking women seen as attractive.

Years ago a couple down the road from where we previously lived, the wife left her husband. From what I understand the husband had left himself go and was certainly overweight and burdened by what I can only describe as a 'larger belly.'

The man was working 10 /12 hours 5/6 days a week and no time to excriceis etc- he was a broken man when the wife left him and and young children. This man a few months later started to excercise etc and stopped drinking - within the year he looked like a different man and looked handsome and very smart - then he got a new partner about 2 years after that

I heard his wife was kicked out by her lover the lover went back to the wife.

The mans ex wife ie man on our street wanted him back and he said no as did the children

your OH, big or small, they are the same person so love them and dont cheat

That’s quite a small size difference @penelopepinkbott your problem is how you feel - long long relationship here, and similar range and tbh he’s even keener now, there are pluses and minuses to different sizes.

you do need to get out of the whole 90s style
bone thin is the goal mindset. Feeling good, enjoying yourself, eating food that’s good for your body and dressing well should be your focus.

mid you’ve been holding off new clothes/underwear etc til you become perfect, get out there. You’ll make better choices if you feel good about yourself in any case.

I've been with dh for 20 years and am almost 40 now. Obviously my body has changed since we met, I was a teenager back then, his has too. In regards to weight though when we met I was a size 8 and was for most of our marriage. In the past few years I put on a stone and a half and went up to a size 12. For me it was the fact that I didn't feel as attractive, if dh found me less attractive he never showed it. I'm back to the weight I was in my early 20s now and I feel fitter and more sexy and my confidence is back and that has been good for our relationship all around.

Same sex relationship so both women who have increased in weight

I personally really don't mind and still am attracted to my partner. However I do notice the dent it's made in her self confidence, and in someways that does impact our sex life and makes her slightly less attractive to me.

Using your example she wouldnt probably send naughty pictures now, and would be feeling a bit preoccupied if we attempted spontantious broad daylight sex, specific positions etc or even just flirting because shes quickier to doubt that i fancy her. Sometimes it makes me feel like some sort of pest because she's feeling less attractive so if I say or do anything that implies I think she is it's slightly scoffed at or has a bit of a "yeah right" style response

For me the impact is in missing the slightly more confident version of her who felt she was attractive If that makes sense? I genuinely don't miss the way she looked at 20

I think my weight is more of an issue as its drastically changed the way I look. I also think for her she misses a more active version of me. I'm losing weight and feel it's helped our connection, because I'm saying no to less things and am probably a bit more fun. For example we've just been away and done some longer walks I'd of struggled with, and done some silly things like Done a go ape course with my nephew which I'd of said I was too heavy for till recently.

We have been together for 12 years and he's seen me at a size 10 and a size 18 and everything in between. He's always been attracted and enjoys different things. He likes a big bum and big boobs so size 18 didn't bother him. He has commented on my curvy back when slimmer. However the thing he's most attracted to is my confidence - the more confident I am the more he is attracted. So sometimes when I've felt shit about myself I think our relationship suffers.