If you are overweight now do you think your partner still finds you attractive?

@Pinkdelight3 it's great you feel confident and you are clearly with someone as you describe, but it's not true of all (or even most!) men.

Oh dear. I appear to have touched a nerve…

Yes I went from a 8 to a 12-14 and went through a phase of really struggling with this

What I realised is that my DH really really fancies me when I have a little makeup on, hair long and down, wearing something that suits me preferably a dress and have an air of confidence and a glow about me. All of which I had entirely or mostly stopped doing or lost, and all of which is a large part of my attractiveness when thinner.

So I cleared out me closet, packed anything that didn't fit away. Had my hair done, a facial, new makeup, new skincare, and started to build up a collection of new clothes. It took time and it took money, but it worked and my confidence and glow both came back.

Fatness is unattractive TO YOU. You are not everyone.

Probably not as much as he used to. I've gained around 4 stone in the 20 years we have been together. He's gained around 3 so it's not just me. I still find him attractive and he still wants regular sex so I'm hoping that's a good sign. He's said before the weight isn't a problem as he loves me for me and how good a mum I am to our children which is lovely

He still seems to find me attractive (tells me I look nice, still wants sex, still affectionate, reassures me about my appearance when I'm lacking in confidence etc), but I do suspect he probably finds me more attractive when I'm not overweight. Like, he definitely does still fancy me, but if he had the choice of overweight me or slimmer me I'm sure he'd choose slimmer me. But he would never, ever say anything negative about my weight; he's much too kind for that.

Hi @penelopepinkbott , judging by a conversation I had the other night with DP, you could be her. (Although I'll presume you're not.)

She like you is around 40, and has put on quite a bit of weight over the last couple of years (largely due to side effects of medication she's had to start taking).

The honest answer is that yes I'm less attracted to her at the moment, but it's not due to the weight, at least not directly.

Purely based on appearance, I fancy her just as much as I always have done. A few more curves and a bit of extra squishyness have not changed things at all. I'm sure there probably is a point at which that changes, but not right now.

What has lessened my attraction is the fact that her weight has caused her self confidence to take a hit. I like the lights on during sex, I want to see my partner bouncing around of top of me naked and being entirely unbothered about it. People who are comfortable in their own skin are hotter.

What I'm trying to say is not to care about your own weight too much, because people who are comfortable with their bodies are more attractive. And yes, I know it's easier said than done.

Now the conversation with DP went down like a lead balloon, so I imagine this will to, so apologies if I offended anyone.

Depends on your height. At 5ft 1 and size 12 I am nearly 3 st heavier than I was 40 yrs ago. I'm overweight, verging obese.

I know my DH finds my body less attractive at my current size. I was a size 8 when we got married (but with D cup boobs and a biggish bum so not rail thin) and am now a 16.

He has always said he doesn’t find very overweight people attractive- he’s said this since we used to talk about that sort of thing 30 years ago. On the other hand, I don’t find very slim people attractive- I actually like a “beer belly” on a man. DH is quite lean and I’ve often said I’d like him a bit beefier.

The issue is not so much my size but rather the way the weight has gone on. I’ve developed quite a big “apron” and tons of cellulite - even on my stomach.

We still have sex but I will no longer show him my body ie no baths/showers together, no sex with the lights on etc.

I can’t blame him for the way he feels. He can make himself find a particular body type attractive (overweight) any more than I can (underweight) (or big bushy beards as per a previous thread!). Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.

I am 60 next year and determined to lose weight and get fitter - more so that I feel better about myself, not “for him” if that makes sense?

My DP didn’t find me as attractive when I was clinically obese. That is completely normal & understandable. Fatness is unattractive & unhealthy. And the same would apply if he was obese & I maintained a healthy weight.

He still loved me though, and he was very supportive while I was losing the weight. Now, I’m no longer fat and he’s delighted for me.

@ohatefiftyfor okay, you don’t like that particular movement, fine. You think being overweight is unhealthy - fine.

Neither of those negate the fact that lots of people in lots of parts of the world fancy larger people.

Why do I think that plus size model who I follow is 🔥🔥🔥? I don’t know why I find her body so incredibly attractive, I just see the cuuurvesss and go a little insane. Thinking that ‘everyone’ has the same preferences as you because the media say so is a bit narrow minded.

If humans only founded one specific body type attractive the whole human race would have died out by now. The most unattractive thing to my partner is when I complain about the weight I have put on and say I'm sooo fat, I'm not I'm just a bit heavier than I was in my 20s. He loves me, he fancies me and I am slowly learning to ignore the fake crap media and influencers sell us and believe him.

And after all many people groups find different body types attractive and so did Ruebens!

My dh says he still finds me as sexy (size 18) as he did when we first met (size 10), his actions back up his words

@ohatefiftyfor As a Gen X who lived through that heroin chic phase in my teens, I agree that glorifying either extreme (underweight or overweight) is toxic for younger people.

Given I was told the other day "you're so fat you'll probably be dead from a heart attack in 10 years" (I'm a size 14) I'm assuming not

I'm a 12/14 and definitely overweight!

Your self loathing is more unattractive 🤔

I am size 24 and absolutely smoking hot and DH agrees! He worships the ground I walk on, and we have been together ten years now.

Which countries have you lived in if you genuinely believe that to be true?

Me and my husband have both fluctuated in size. But we still fancy each other whatever our sizes!

My husband would find me attractive if I put on a bit of weight, I am BMI 19 so would have to put on a lot to be overweight. However, I would not like to be alarger size myself, so it's moot.

Being overweight isn't healthy. Slightly overweight is may be fine but the toxic 'super fat' 'body positivity' movement is total bollocks.

It is okay to prefer yourself being slim.
It is okay to only find slim people attractive.

It is NOT okay to make blanket statements about how no one finds bigger people attractive.

Some of the comments on this thread are vile.

There are plenty of people who PREFER bigger bodies.

Anyone who can't see/understand that is just showing themselves up as rude, judgemental and fatphobic.

Your preferences are valid.

Saying that your preferences must apply to everyone else is NOT valid.

My DH absolutely does fancy me more when I am slimmer than when I am bigger.

I think he loves me the same but is more attracted to me at a smaller size.

Why don’t you believe him? Has he stopped wanting to have sex with you? Being affectionate? Telling you that you are beautiful?

Im just wondering if this stuff comes from the partners or from people themselves