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Original poster

Invited to hen but not wedding?

156 replies

Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:14

That’s weird right?

friend is getting married. Invited to hen do (it’s abroad so paid my part, few hundred) received my save the date to the wedding, but not an actual invite to the wedding. Then saw on social media a post chasing people for their rsvp at the end of the month. Turns out I wasn’t invited.

no fall out, not an intimate family wedding. But that’s weird right to invite someone to the hen (especially a paid for one far away) and not to invite them to the wedding?

yabu-no it’s common
yanbu- yeah that’s weird and i wouldn’t go to the hen

OP posts:
Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:36

LoIaQ · 05/03/2024 21:29

When you contacted her, what did you say, what did she say?

Usual hello how are you? Saw the Fb post for rsvps, how’s everything going and said I’d not heard anything since getting the save the date in the summer…

she said, usual greetings and then sorry, I should’ve told you (me) earlier and then asked about still coming to the hen

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Mrsphilmiller · 05/03/2024 21:32

Getting more and more common from what I read on MN.

TeenLifeMum · 05/03/2024 21:31

I’m going to a hen do but not the wedding but it’s a 2nd wedding for her and a 3rd for him so very small with family only and an hour away. I was fine with it until I learned 2 friends in our group are going as they are her besties. I thought the 4 of us were close but my mistake. All fine but I view our friendship differently now.

AntiHop · 05/03/2024 21:31

That's extremely rude. Can you get your money back for the hen?

MidnightPatrol · 05/03/2024 21:30

How can you not want someone at your wedding, but want them at the hen do?

I’ve known of several real life instances of this.

People are v weird about weddings though. A friend got married last year, we see him often, and none of the friendship group made the 120 person invite list.

We aren’t really sure who was there. Odd!

PrimalOwl10 · 05/03/2024 21:30

So they expect you to pay to attend a hen do abroad for her celebrations but she's not prepared to spend the money for you attend her wedding, I'd pull out end a full refund and end the friendship.

LoIaQ · 05/03/2024 21:29

When you contacted her, what did you say, what did she say?

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:29

lap90 · 05/03/2024 21:27

There was a similar thread on this recently.

It's bloody cheeky and poor behaviour.

It's a shame you've already paid for the hen do.

Just try and enjoy it as a holiday i guess.

Thing is, and this will show you my feeling now on this hen do, I’ve been offered a rare as rocking horse shit Saturday dentist appointment for a long overdue filling on the same day. Think that’s too good an opportunity to pass by

OP posts:
Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:28

LoIaQ · 05/03/2024 21:27

So you were basically invited and then uninvited? Unless yours is an evening invite that hasn't been sent yet?

To the best of my knowledge they aren’t doing an evening only list but what do I know, I was uninvited

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RatatouillePie · 05/03/2024 21:28

That's taking the p*ss.

Depends on whether you want to keep this friendship!

If its beyond repair then I'd send a message saying that as you're not invited to the wedding then you do not want to go to the hen party so would like a full refund within 14 days.

lap90 · 05/03/2024 21:27

There was a similar thread on this recently.

It's bloody cheeky and poor behaviour.

It's a shame you've already paid for the hen do.

Just try and enjoy it as a holiday i guess.

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:27

MidnightPatrol · 05/03/2024 21:26

YANBU that it’s incredibly weird. I do not understand not wanting someone at the wedding but inviting to a hen party.

But it seems quite common!

Why…?! Why would anyone go to a hen party for someone who didn’t value them enough to come to the wedding?

I’d amuse myself by asking where your wedding invite is though.

It’s common?!

im shocked

like you’d expect someone to put their hand in their pocket and pay, but you don’t invite them to the day… it’s weird behaviour

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LoIaQ · 05/03/2024 21:27

So you were basically invited and then uninvited? Unless yours is an evening invite that hasn't been sent yet?

QueSyrahSyrah · 05/03/2024 21:27

Hen do or no hen do, the sending a save the date but not an invite is the major horror here. Have they no shame at all? Confused

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 05/03/2024 21:26

I'd tell the rude fucker to shove the hen do up her arse tbh.

MidnightPatrol · 05/03/2024 21:26

YANBU that it’s incredibly weird. I do not understand not wanting someone at the wedding but inviting to a hen party.

But it seems quite common!

Why…?! Why would anyone go to a hen party for someone who didn’t value them enough to come to the wedding?

I’d amuse myself by asking where your wedding invite is though.

hopscotcher · 05/03/2024 21:25

Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:20

Yeah I did, and all I got was oh yeah sorry I should’ve told you earlier

so from that I took yeah we decided to basically not invite you?

Show quote history

After a response as dismissive as this, I'd want to pull out of the hen do.

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:25

Bloom15 · 05/03/2024 21:22

Some! Have you paid for the hen do? If not cancel and don't go. She isn't a friend

Part of it, and the organiser has covered the second part of it for me (work issues)

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ScotchPine · 05/03/2024 21:25

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 05/03/2024 21:17

I would just contact them - they sent a save the date which you only send to your guest list, surely?

You would think so, but I once received a ‘save the date’ and wasn’t invited. Turned out they were hedging their bets and they got in touch a couple of weeks before the wedding when other people had dropped out to try and fill the space!

Turnthelightoff · 05/03/2024 21:23

The etiquette is that a save the date is for a full day invite. We have had specific save the evening requests before. Contact your friend and say, just noticed you are chasing RSVPs, I got the save the date but not the invite so I might be one you are waiting on. There’s a chance this is the genuine situation but if she has to sheepishly respond and say you aren’t invited then ask what the point was in the save the date. She might have done this to others so you prepping her in a friendly way might be a favour.

Bloom15 · 05/03/2024 21:22

Some! Have you paid for the hen do? If not cancel and don't go. She isn't a friend

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 05/03/2024 21:21

Oh wow. That's ridiculous. I definitely wouldn't be going on that hen do.

Toottooot · 05/03/2024 21:21

She needs to get tae fuck.

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/03/2024 21:21

In that case I wouldn't go on the hen do. That's so rude.

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:21

Dartmoorcheffy · 05/03/2024 21:20

Have you actually contacted them to check. If they sent a save the date then it could be that they missed the invite

Definitely not invited

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