Invited to hen but not wedding?

I think sometimes it’s ok for a hen to include people who aren’t invited to the wedding, colleagues, friends you don’t see often, so long as they are told at the time they are invited. They might be up for a night out or even a trip abroad knowing they won’t be going to the main event.

But I think in this situation, where you had been close enough friends for her and her parents to have been invited to your wedding, you were maybe being used from the outset. Is it possible that you were making up the numbers to keep costs down overall making it cheaper for the others individually?

I think I’d pay the balance owed solely because I’d not pulled out when the cost first increased. But I’d make it very clear I wasn’t happy about it as had I known I wasn’t invited to the wedding I wouldn’t have been going to the hen night at any price.

Then on the morning of the wedding I would start the day with a rain dance followed by all sorts of voodoo and Witchery to create havoc and messy, but not life threatening, food poisoning for the selfish cow.

Or you could just tell her you’re not going.

@Numnumnumnums

Agreed!

@Numnumnumnums

Sorry if this has been asked - I couldn't see a question on it.

Do you know if you are the only one on the hen do that is on that weekend but not invited to the wedding?

I think that will be quite a painful weekend listening to all of the excited chattering about the wedding. I would have thought that you would constantly be feeling (very understandably) quite a lot of resentment and left out if it's only you that's in this position. Even if there were say 5 of you on the hen but not at the wedding- I still feel that this would create a divide in the group - the others would doubtless feel the same as you.

Also - how bothered are you about having her in your life after this?

I totally concur that she has acted terribly (with the Save the date on top) but I think there would be many people out there who would only see the 'but she pulled out of my hen do' side of it rather than acknowledging why you pulled out. Which doesn't make her an empathetic or understanding friend - but might also end the friendship. Would this bother you and to what degree?

I also think the hen will be awkward now . Especially after a few drinks . The dentists sounds more welcoming !

Id demand my money back sorry but couldnt give a monkeys who it inconvenienced

Agree, that it's a good idea that you should send a brief, factual explanation to the hens. You received a save the date but following the facebook post you were told you are no longer invited to the wedding.

If it was me in the hen group, I would completely understand and support your decision.

It's quite a good scam, isn't it. Invite too many people, get money off them, scare them off with talk of increasing costs and then pocket their deposits.
You gain a free £200 for every hen that drops out!

Too much for her?

She sounds thoroughly unpleasant and a user tbh.

She showed you what she was years ago when you needed her. Please believe her

Well given all your updates. She’s a shit friend.

Don’t go and I’d tell her why.

Why did she refuse to talk to you??

If she asked about RSVPs on Facebook then I assume that's how you and the other hens are contacting each other. Is that correct? If so I think I'd post something. Are you the only one out of the 20 who isn't invited to the wedding. I wouldn't be rude or snippy but I'd explain that you don't won't to go and would like your money back.

She was using you from the get go to make up numbers. Don't go, forget the £100 you've already shelled out. Fuck that

The more you say OP the more infuriated I am on your behalf. You signed up for a UK Hen for a wedding you were invited to. Text the group asap.

"Hi everyone. Just wanted to let you all know that I won't be coming anymore because when I agreed to come I thought it would be in the UK. I also thought I was invited to the wedding. It's turned more expensive than I initially agreed to and it feels awkward now anyway. Just wanted to let you all know before any more plans are made. I'm not expecting my initial deposit back but obviously won't be paying any more. I hope you all have a great time."

it was £100 initially and then going to be in the UK, fine paid it whatever. Then the location moved (to somewhere much more inconvenient but still UK) ok, another £100 now it’s gone international £200 and a coach ride.
You were mis-sold; where will this mission-creep end? Walk away now!
You just have to decide which reason to use (increasing cost of the Hen, the dis-invite snub or the dentist). If you list all three then it looks like you are inventing excuses, even though you are right.

When did this get all out of hand with hen dos abroad. I don't even know why people think with the COL this is ok.

I have a similar experience where the hen organiser decided the list of attendees, told us the bill (it was £300 pn in a shared room in an ibiza villa). Then she was surprised when people didn't go and she was left with a £20k villa fee. 🙄

I think people really show who they are when it comes to things like this.

I'd be tempted to be honest with the organiser and ask for your money back, but expect resounding silence! But at least you will have your answer...

I’d definitely pull out. Who sends a ‘save the date’ (which may mean booking time off work) and then reneges on that?! But wants you to make up the numbers for the hen.
Nope. No thanks.

I’d pay my £200 and cut my losses and not go to any of it and close the door on these people for good.

I was best maid and pulled out the night before a hen abroad, as I wasn’t happy about the railroading and changes . I didn’t regret it.

I wouldn't go. I'd contact the organisers and explain you are not invited to the wedding so won't be attending the hen.

Yes you may write off what you paid but it would cost more if you go.

I'd decline.

Ugh. She sounds horrible.

Bin her off without a second thought OP.