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Original poster

Invited to hen but not wedding?

156 replies

Numnumnumnums · 05/03/2024 21:14

That’s weird right?

friend is getting married. Invited to hen do (it’s abroad so paid my part, few hundred) received my save the date to the wedding, but not an actual invite to the wedding. Then saw on social media a post chasing people for their rsvp at the end of the month. Turns out I wasn’t invited.

no fall out, not an intimate family wedding. But that’s weird right to invite someone to the hen (especially a paid for one far away) and not to invite them to the wedding?

yabu-no it’s common
yanbu- yeah that’s weird and i wouldn’t go to the hen

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Nanny0gg · 01/10/2024 13:54

This is why I don't understand Save the Date

ie Make sure you make no other plans and hang around while I decide whether or not you're important enough to invite to the actual wedding

unmemorableusername · 01/10/2024 13:38

I had this- paid for hen c £200 then just an evening wedding invite.

I realise now she used me to cut the costs of the hen accommodation

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 01/10/2024 13:16

MissSkegness1951 · 01/10/2024 11:30

Why dis she send you a save the date for the wedding if you weren't invited?

I would absolutely not go on the hen do and if she didn't refund me any money I've lost them I would sever all contact with her.

I didn’t ask, i felt the message was clear when I messaged her and she was I meant to tell you, sounds like a decision was made to uninvite. I can’t be bothered to engage

OP posts:
MissSkegness1951 · 01/10/2024 11:30

Why dis she send you a save the date for the wedding if you weren't invited?

I would absolutely not go on the hen do and if she didn't refund me any money I've lost them I would sever all contact with her.

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 01/10/2024 10:36

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/10/2024 10:24

I would usually not do anything. Some weddings are very expensive and a line has to be drawn somewhere. However, given the save the date, I think there’s possibly been an oversight so If I wanted to go I would actually ask this time.

Read the thread :)

not an oversight, not arsed about going and even if I was I would most certainly NOT be asking for an invite, that’s pretty humiliating

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 01/10/2024 10:24

I would usually not do anything. Some weddings are very expensive and a line has to be drawn somewhere. However, given the save the date, I think there’s possibly been an oversight so If I wanted to go I would actually ask this time.

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 01/10/2024 10:22

Maybe the bride felt some kind of way but it wasn’t communicated to me, the organisers was fairly sympathetic, I said I can’t make it anymore, think I said delay in a large payment I was expecting (which actually did happen but wasn’t the reason for my not going) and they refunded the money, I messaged in the group saying it and they were all like ‘see you at the wedding’ ‘ look forward to meeting you’….. all I could do was a thumbs up emoji react to that 😂

after the wedding I did send a congratulations message and she did reply saying how lovely the wedding was and I was like great, glad to hear it, catch up soon 👍🏻 and that appears to be the end of that

OP posts:
Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 01/10/2024 10:17

Londonrach1 · 01/10/2024 07:42

I had a meal at prezzo for my hen do and a lot of my work colleagues came. I didn't invite anyone from work to my wedding. It was only 40 close family and friends for the wedding. Everyone paid for what they eat at prezzo. No one expected to come to the actual wedding. Is it something like that op?

It wasn’t like that no, it was a rather expensive long weekend away by coach and ferry, plus I’d had a save the date.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 01/10/2024 10:13

Sparkletastic · 01/10/2024 10:12

Excellent update? Did the bride ever apologise OP?

Sorry for the ? that should have been a ! after update ☺️

Sparkletastic · 01/10/2024 10:12

Excellent update? Did the bride ever apologise OP?

Gagaandgag · 01/10/2024 08:54

Well done op!!! Thanks for the update

SeulementUneFois · 01/10/2024 08:07

Well done OP!
Was there any reaction from the bride ?

pastlives · 01/10/2024 08:00

Yeah that happened to me. Bride made it worse by lying, she was giving out invitations to the wedding at her hen do, said to me “ooh I left yours in the car”. So I assumed I was invited but she had just been scatty. When invite still hadn’t arrived by a fortnight before the wedding, I texted to check the arrangements. She took 2 days to reply to me and then told me the details for the evening. I didn’t have a plus one, so I arrived by myself at 7:30 to find that all our mutual friends and everyone else from the hen had already been there for the day reception. It was clear to me that I had never been on her guest list at all, but the bride was too cowardly to tell me. I felt so uncomfortable and like a party crasher, I didn’t eat any of the food and left after a couple of hours. Most unpleasant experience ever.

YANBU OP, some people will use you to make up the numbers at a party but don’t really see you as a friend. This one of your sounds like a real user.

And it’s totally different to example given of work colleagues for a meal out. A hen-do abroad is a different ball-game altogether.

Londonrach1 · 01/10/2024 07:42

I had a meal at prezzo for my hen do and a lot of my work colleagues came. I didn't invite anyone from work to my wedding. It was only 40 close family and friends for the wedding. Everyone paid for what they eat at prezzo. No one expected to come to the actual wedding. Is it something like that op?

Charlie2121 · 01/10/2024 07:37

I would much prefer to go to a decent hen do and miss the wedding. I think that’s a perfect outcome.

Oblomov24 · 01/10/2024 06:01

" sorry I should’ve told you earlier " ShockAngry
wtf? Friendship over I'm afraid.

Couldn't cope with your loss?

Good. Glad you didn't go.

Bugger me, this is a whole new level of fuckwittery to me!

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 01/10/2024 03:23

Yes! Minor triumph.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 01/10/2024 03:13

I’m totally with you on this. I know how you feel. It happened to a group of our friends. We paid good money for the hen then only went to the night do. Was good in a way because it made us realise what we mean to her. At least we know where we are in terms of our friendship. The shock is massive though. It all felt underhand. Don’t give a wedding gift, a card will do.

iamtheblcksheep · 01/10/2024 02:55

Haha. I remember this thread. So glad you didn’t go. You deserve better. Out of curiosity did we ever ascertain what the fuckery her problem was?

SabreIsMyFave · 30/09/2024 23:46

I absolutely 100% would not go to a hen party if I wasn't invited to the wedding. Fuck that!

What a very odd - and rude thing for someone to do!

stonebrambleboy · 30/09/2024 23:43

Numnumnumnums · 30/09/2024 23:32

Did I heck, no I didn’t. I got my deposit back too 👍🏻

Show quote history

Result!
Hope the dental appointment went well😁

Original poster
Numnumnumnums · 30/09/2024 23:32

Gagaandgag · 30/09/2024 20:47

Hi op did you go on the hen?

Did I heck, no I didn’t. I got my deposit back too 👍🏻

OP posts:
Gagaandgag · 30/09/2024 20:47

Hi op did you go on the hen?

Mill3nnial · 30/09/2024 10:42

Is a bit rude of them to give you a save the date and then not invite you

I wouldn't mind so much not being invited to the wedding but the hen as it's still your choice whether to go or not

Timeforaglassofwine · 30/09/2024 10:34

I don't think it's rude or poor etiquette to invite people to the hen and not wedding. Some people are under pressure by family to invite long lost relatives. If say you are limited to 100 guests, have a large family and have to invite children or aunts you haven't seen for years, then you'll have little room for friends. The hen is more of a last hurrah and will often involve a very different set of people. The only bit that's rude here is sending you a save the date without an invitation, or waiting you to find out you weren't invited. A none wedding guest hen attendee would absolutely not be expected to chip in to cover the bride's expenses on the trip BTW.