To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

I think I might raise this as a point with your DH to maybe speak to his ex-wife about her stirring the pot in future. It's really not fair if she's putting her nose in and making her DD be envious about things like this.

Given that your husband isn't going on the trip, YANBU not to take DSD with you.

I do think your husband should probably try and do something similar, without you and your DD, with DSD for her birthday though.

This sounds like a lovely trip and no obligation to include your stepdaughter. Assume there are other trips she takes with your family?
It's none of her mothers business.

I think it’s a joke.

This is OPs DDs birthday present and SD wants to partake in it. It’s like her getting a present as well.

IF your husband was going id say you guys were actually horrible human beings BUT seeing as he isnt, then its literally just your DDs birthday treat and obviously she will take who she wants too.

Another one confused why other siblings (or step siblings) would get a present on the birthday child's birthday?!

It's not a family holiday. Your DS isn't throwing a strop he's not going. DSD could choose to go away for her birthday with her dad. In a few years she'll be able to go abroad on her own anyway. My DN went to Rome with her friends at 17 for her birthday.

DSD's mum is a cheeky fucker.

None of her business.

I can't believe her mum actually rang to demand this. I will say it for the millionth time. No one else on planet earth gets to have a say on what you do, how much you spend blah blah blah on your own child. I cannot believe I have said that more than once! Your DD wants to take a friend on her birthday trip. Your DS is also not going 🤦‍♀️
I am assuming you wouldn't have a problem with your DH taking DSD on a similar trip with a friend. Good good, there's some entitled people out there.
I would never have the audacity to ring anyone to demand they spent anything on my child.

No, that was a wtf to me too!

My advice would be for your DH to say to his ex that this is a birthday present being paid for by you for DD11 and he has nothing to do with it so no further conversation will be had about it.

DSD can go on trips that her father and mother arrange, this is not one of those trips.

I'd also be paying a lot more attention to what DSD gets up to when she is with her mother and make equally outrageous requests of her to bring your DD on trips that they are planning. They may only attempt it once but hopefully once is all it would take to nip it in the bud.

So presumably your 11yr old tagged on along with the DSD & her mother on those Mother/Daughter trips as well...

I think the ex is just being grabby & using it to wind up her daughter.

Maybe ask the ex if she is planning to take your two dc to Greece this year 🤣

Why?

If you have more than one child do they get presents on each others' birthdays?

Mine don't

Why should she get a present on her sister’s birthday?

Edit: sorry if this was a rhetorical question!

It’s up to your daughter who she takes surely. I don’t insist my daughter takes her brother if we do a birthday treat! She gets to chose as so the other kids for their birthdays.

Normally I think steps should be treated the same.

So the DSD should go on a fabulous trip with one of her parents. With a friend too.

If there are family holidays she should be included in that

Does she get a present when her sisters have a birthday?

Then the ex is being very unreasonable.

It seems like she thinks if there’s any additional money for things like paying for a friend to join then that additional money should be spent on DSD.

If DD and DSD were very close DD would have wanted her sister to join.

You aren't doing anything wrong so I would NOT engage or even give an explanation, because that would make it sound like you need to explain yourself. This trip is your dd birthday present and SHE gets to choose who to bring.

You are not being unreasonable.

At 15 DSD is old enough to understand you are taking your daughter on a trip as a birthday present part of that is her friend is also going.

Just as you DSD is old enough to not want to hang around with her parents and her friends.

The bigger issue for me would be why her mother is getting involved and making this into an issue.

To those asking if the DSD is having a comparable trip, surely that's a question for her mum.

You're doing nothing wrong. It's a birthday present for your daughter.

I don't think it is unreasonable. Ds1 has a small older type birthday party for his last birthday with only 3 of his closest friends. Neither his siblings or cousins were invited because it was his birthday treat and he wanted to spend it with his friends. It was pricey for what it was and he loved every minute of it. I happily obliged. I will do the same if my other children want the same as they get older to. The dynamic would have been totally different had his younger siblings attended. Push back on this you have done nothing wrong. It's your daughter's special birthday treat if DSD mum wants them to go to Rome she can book it herself.

I would just say you planned it as a mother & daughter trip and leave at that. She goes away with her mother. If it’s a whole family trip then that is different.

It's not mean at all. It's a birthday treat for her DD.

Say if DSD says she wants to go to Paris for her 16th birthday, in e.g. September, and with a friend, and her DM or DF says they'll take them both as a birthday treat, then should OP's DD pipe up that she should be allowed to go too? Of course not!

OP, do you think her mum is behind this more? E.g. encouraging her daughter to complain she's not allowed?