To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

If your DsD gets taken places by her
mother without your DD being invited, then there should not be any expectation on you to take DsD.

I find it weird that you are not taking your DS, but each to their own.

It also doesn't make sense expecting OP to work 16 days of overtime to pay for a trip for her step-daughter. The DSD has her own parents who can make sacrifices for her, you don't get to co-opt the step-mum to make those sacrifices.

Because lots of us think she's not?

But that response would make no sense unless sd mum is step mother to OPs daughter and a part of her family

Definitely not my experience of taking kids on school trips throughout my teaching career.

No school or college I've worked in would take Year 6/7s away to Rome with Year 11/12. They do have very different interests. My 16 year old cousins totally changed the dynamic of our family holidays when I was 11/12 and me and my cousin the same age were into totally different things leading to quite a bit of tension between parents and uncles/aunts as the 16 year olds seemed to dictate everything and keep causing drama when everything didn't go their way regarding being bought things in expensive designer shops, trying alcohol, wanting to stalk "sexy" waiters and flying off in a temper when family chose a different restaurant where they didn't work while us two younger ones were quite happy to potter round museums, arcades,
play on the beach and more easygoing, not liking the tension, needing slightly earlier nights. Not to mention the absolute hysterics when us two younger ones were bought a souvenir each and the older girls perceived they'd cost more (we'd saved Christmas/Birthday Money and parents contributed half as holiday spends for the last day, teens were given the same money at the beginning and blew it on cocktails and beachwear within days). I can well imagine if OP wants to buy her DD a nice gift whilst away SD will kick off and conveniently forget all the money and treats she got for her own birthday, given her current behaviour.

It would absolutely change the dynamic and it's much worse when it's supposed to be one child's special treat.

When DSD's mum takes DSD anywhere does she invite your daughter?

Therein lies your response to DSD's mum.

What?! I had the most miserable holiday of my life when I was 16 and was on a family holiday with my pre-teen siblings! I wanted to do nothing that they wanted, and vice versa!

Eyes rolling as how some posters have to take the ‘first family’s’ side at all costs.

The equivalent of OP taking her daughter is DSD’s mum taking DSD. Nobody would expect OP’s daughter to be included!
Not sure why her dad now needs to take DSD to another trip on her own… and surly he would then need to do a similar trip with each of his children on their own, no?

This really doesn't matter, OP is taking her daughter and the person her daughter chose to go with her. It's nothing to do with the other child whatsoever

Don't think the dynamic would be particularly different; if one was drinking/partying age and the other was a child, or if one was 4 and the other 11 it would be different. Not really seeing what an 11 year old and 15 year old will want to do differently in Rome, it will be the same eating pizza and gelato, peering in the designer shops, walking around the coliseum etc.

Why not make a thread saying just after opinions on this situation

That's what she's done. You're not picking because you disagree with her but 94% of people agree with her.

That would be quite psychologically unhealthy for her to be encouraged to view it like that.

She's not being treated differently, her father and half brother aren't invited either.

She gets special attention from her own mother.

If anything it's OPs kids who have been treated differently.

DSD gets holidays with two sets of parents.

Up until now OPs kids haven't been away with just her.

She doesn't need separate holidays with two bio parents AND a step parent.

OPs kids don't get three sets of holidays.

And once again, OPs DH and DS aren't going.

Nope, saying it’s pointless to ask if she’s being unreasonable when she just doesn’t think she is. Why not make a thread saying just after opinions on this situation

Does your DD get taken on holiday by DSD's mum ?

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

You step daughter sounds very entitled, her mother however is a cheeky fucker.

Enjoy your break with your daughter!

But it's not pointless for OP because she is getting support. Are you saying she shouldn't have started it because it's pointless for you?

No, I’m saying it was pointless even starting it when she clearly thinks she isn’t being unreasonable

Sorry — can’t seem to edit but have realised the OP’s second child is DS, not DD. But either way, he’s not going so my original point stands.
Also, for those saying that it’s unfair if the DSD doesn’t have a comparable trip at some point — that’s presumably on her parents to sort. Why does the OP need to take responsibility for it?

This ^

The reasonable comparators here are:
1 - Is the biological sibling coming? No, because it's DD's treat.
2 - Does the DSD's Mum take the op's daughter away on their trips? No, because a Mum can take.her daughter for a treat, so once again, perfectly fair.

DSD's Mum is a CF imo.

I think you are perfectly reasonable.

This is not a family trip as your husband and other child will stay at home, this is a specific treat for your daughter's birthday and it makes sense to take a friend of the same age.

You can all plan a family vacation for everyone at another time.

Her mother is just causing trouble for the sake of it.

Lots of people agree with OP. Are you saying OP should leave the thread because she disagrees with some people?

Why should OPs dd miss out on quality individual time with her Mum when SD doesn't?

She shouldn't, but the step daughter will feel she's being treated differently in her dad's family after many years of being part of that family. In my view her dad needs to plug the gap here

Are you expecting OP to work 16 days overtime to pay for a trip for her DSD?

Fuck that!

It doesn't even have to be about liking/not liking.

SD is trying to hijack an 11 year olds birthday treat. Having a random almost 16 year old there totally changes the dynamic and given her spoiled attitude already it seems like she'd be making the 11 year olds birthday all about her.

How many of us would be miffed if we made plans for a certain type of holiday (i.e girly city break) and 90 year old Aunty Doris or SIL who's bringing breast fed twins or someone's DH insisted on tagging along meaning plans had to change to accommodate their needs and preferences too?