To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

So should the 15 year old’s mum also adhere to this??

if the 15 year old wants a new Xbox but OP and her husband can’t afford new Xbox’s for the 11 year old, should the mum be like no sorry that’s not fair on your sister?

if the mum wants to take the 15 year old on a spa day, should she not because OP isn’t taking her dd11 on one?

if the mum wants to paint dd15’s room but the op’s dd11 has to share with her little brother because space is short, should the mum not decorate the room? Should she say actually kid, your poor siblings have to share a room so you shouldn’t have your own room as it’s not fair?

you would obviously never expect this, but if the argument is that its “not fair” her sister gets a trip that she doesn’t, that would have to be the case. Otherwise it isn’t “fair” that dd11 only has two adults buying her stuff but dd15 has 3.

good lord.

My birthday is December 25th so my sisters had presents on my birthday......I never got 1 on theirs though, maybe I should demand some this year 😂

"Dear DSD's mum.

I have explained to DSD that DD was asked who she would like to come with us and she chose her friend. Presumably you would not expect DD to accompany you and DSD on any holiday's where DSD is able to invite anyone she chooses. DSD will always be welcome on our family holidays, but this is a special treat for DD's birthday so I will respect DD's decision and I hope you will too."

Is the message I would send.

Exactly. We occasionally used to take ours away individually as a birthday treat and invite a friend to come too. Never caused an issue in our house.

but then would he not need to do something with his son too, to make it fair? In reality, dsd gets holidays with her mum, it is fair.

But she's especially taken on 16 days of overtime to fund the trip.

It's her extra hard work outside of the "family pot", her husband hasn't paid a penny and her husband and son aren't going because it's NOT a family holiday.

Dsd's mum can keep out of it, what you do with your daughter is up to you, this is your daughter's birthday and if your daughter has a friend with her that is up to you and your daughter.
Dsd is not your daughter, nor your daughter's sister, she is a step sister or a half sister and thus not your responsibility.

Just like you would not expect Dsd's mother to take your daughter and/or your son away with her on holiday with her daughter.

No such thing as her money or his money . They are married ffs it’s family money as far as I can say . Since when people become so petty . We holiday together , my kids or his kids or our kid all comes from the same pot

????

OP is paying from her overtime.

He's not going.

He's not facilitating anything.

But that would be unfair on DH’s other children, as they aren’t getting a trip with their father.

It’s for her mother to fund a mother/daughter trip. Like OP is doing for her daughter.

Really the one that has been left out (if anyone) is OP’s DS. Maybe his father should take him so all kids are getting a 1-1 trip with a parent?

I couldn't agree more....! 😂

All that needs to be done to make this fair is your hubby taking the step daughter away on her next birthday too or her own mum . At 11 and 15 they gave different interests.

Your doing everything right OP speaking one on one to DSD and explaining everything. Hope you all have a fab time in Rome.

I think it’s fine not to invite your DSD along on this trip. I agree with you that it’s best to talk to her directly and explain your decision.

However, there does seem to be a bit of an “us and them” dynamic in your house. You must have known your DSD since she was very young. She is your children’s sister. Could it be that she is reacting to an overall sense of feeling left out or overlooked, and this trip is just the trigger point?

Because they are married 🤦🏼‍♀️. Nuts this site sometimes

She asked and the thread has overwhelmingly confirmed her initial thought that she isn't being unreasonable. Now she has that confirmation, she's holding firm in her views which is fine.

You'd have a point if the majority disagreed with OP and she wasn't listening but that's not the case.

Suggest to her mum she gets planning a trip for dsd and a friend. That way dsd will have the same. If her mum can’t afford it or can’t manage it then unfortunately that’s just the way it sometimes is when kids have different parents.

There are plenty of first children who get nice opportunities and experiences while the second children don’t.

Regardless of whether the 11 and 16 year olds will like the same thing… OP’s DD wants HER FRIEND there on the trip with her. She has expressed this preference I presume quite clearly to her mum.

There is only space for one of them and OP’s dd has chosen her friend. So I think it’s pointless looking for reasons why DSD should come because she isn’t coming. End of story. Stop trying to guilt trip Op for putting her DD’s feelings first on her birthday.

I would reply, "This is DD's birthday trip. She's in charge of the guest list not us. Brother isn't coming either so he and DSD can be miffed together if they like.,"

It's not a family holiday, it's a birthday treat. Ask BM if she is planning to bring your DD on holiday next time she takes DSD away- after all, they must be treated equally at all times.