To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

What would not be facilitating equality is saying his kids with OP must not be allowed to have any time with their mum by themselves and insisting eldest daugher MUST be there for all trips paid for by OP, while also having her own mum to herself for experiences that his younger two aren't allowed to have. Can't you see how crazy that would be!!

Yes it's just so typical of how all the Stepchildren posts go on here.

For some reason, Step Children have to get treated with absolute kid gloves, pandered to and indulged by both bio parents and step parents and subsequent children are supposed to be fine being overlooked and made to feel guilty for their very existence and never allowed special time with their non shared parent. And step mums have put their own kids last in order to be some sort of martyr saint supermum figure to stepkids who already have their own mum who puts them first...otherwise oooohhh wicked stepmum alert. Always comes across as so grabby on here as well,
like it's the end of the world if a stepchild realises step mum bought their own toddler an icecream while stepkids were at their mums or something - it's always the end of the world if everything isn't EXACTLY EQUAL. Unless of course it's the stepkids getting more and the subsequent kids getting less (because step kids were there first and the forementioned notion that subsequent kids shouldn't really exist).

It's done to death. And it's always the step mum made out to be the problem...never the shared father.

I think in blended families it is really important to have some 1 on 1 time with your children. There is nothing wrong with this. If DSD wants a trip to Rome it is for her 2 biological parents to organise it, or it is a blended family holiday.

I hope you have a great trip to Rome and some quality bonding time (which you will still have with a friend present!)

God forbid OP wants to take her own child away for her own birthday. If it was an actual sibling nobody would be batting an eyelid

We took one of my 3 children to London recently for his birthday with an overnight stay. The other two kids stayed at home as it wasn't their birthday. What's the difference?

Absolutely agree. Taking a 15 year old away with two 11 year olds has trouble written all over it.

So do you also think OP is wrong not to take her son?

The SD is being treated equally. She goes on holiday with her own mother. OP is going on holiday with her own daughter. No difference there. The father isn’t going!

He is facilitating his two daughters getting treated equally, in that they both get one-on-one time with their mothers.

A birthday being celebrated on each child's actual birthday? Yes, I think the majority of us are fine with that

BRB, my semi detached neighbours are off to Mexico in an hour ... Just off to tell them it's not fair they aren't bringing me 👌🏻

You are talking bollocks. The father isn't facilitating anything, OP is taking her child away for a birthday trip, paid for by her...what exactly is the father facilitating?

WTAF?

SD goes away on multiple holidays with HER mother.

And FAMILY holidays with her father and SM and half siblings,

OP has worked overtime for a mother daughter trip with her OWN daughter that her DH (and DS) are not part of and are not contributing to.

AGAIN SD has had multiple holidays abroad with HER own mother which DD and DS were obviously (rightly) not involved in so if there's any inequality it's for OPs kids.

It's downright absurd to suggest the father has facililtated inequality to SD.

She's done the best of the lot holiday wise.

And he's contributed bugger all for his other daughter's birthday.

So everyone is ok with a father facilitating his children not being treated equally? I am glad I am on my family as that wouldn't be happening.

What are you on about, it's nothing to do with the DH. OP has organised and paid for the trip for her daughter's birthday!

There IS no mistake ffs

I hope your 11 year old has a LOVELY birthday, op and this doesn't tarnish it at all!

We took one of my 3 children to London recently for his birthday with an overnight stay. The other two kids stayed at home as it wasn't their birthday. What's the difference?

@Devonshiregal I disagree where a father is facilitating big differentials between siblings, it won't go well.

As I said it is a dh mistake not the op.

Not relevant in this situation. They both have their own mother, and their mothers are free to do their own thing with their kids. This isn't a family event, it's a mother/daughter birthday trip. The SD mother is free to take her daughter on mother/daughter trips when she likes, and as OP says, she does.
So OPs kids have to miss out on experiences that their half sibling can and does have with her own mother, because of the adult situation? If the only way the OPs kids get to do anything alone with her (as in the only sibling) is to include the older SD then they're the losers in that. Never allowed to be have their mum to themselves for trips but she is allowed to have her mum to herself AND must be there with their mum always? That's fair to OPs kids how? It's not their fault their dad has a daughter who has a different mum just as much as its not the SD fault her parents split up.
We're talking about their own mothers here not their shared father.

Exactly this. @Tryingmybestadhd are you saying OP should have done even more overtime to pay for her DSD as well?

Yep. The presents were sometimes wrapped in Christmas paper with "Happy birthday" written on it though...cheapskates. 😂

Not relevant in this case at all.
A family wedding should involve the family.
A holiday as a birthday treat is for the child whose birthday it is.
Hth.

😂

Did you at least get extra presents than them?

God some people are ridiculous.

@2907fe9166a247bb9ghj3 My DD is getting a big treat for her 10th birthday, it’s costing £400 just for her and 2 friends to do something special and very specific, plus the extra we will have to pay as a family to join her just to watch. She has made it clear she wants her 2 friends with her not her 12yo sister, her sister is a bit gutted as she’d love to do it but respects it’s her sisters birthday and her choice. I don’t want to name the activity as it will be very outing as I’ve discussed IRL.

Is my other DD sulking or throwing a tantrum, no, she knows that she had massive whole class parties during primary school every year except during covid. Her sister has chosen this activity instead of a big party. My older DD is definitely not expecting £400 on treats to balance out what we are spending on her little sister, she get that over time things balance out and that at the end of the day each get to choose what they want for their birthdays.

Would your stepdaughter's own mother invite your 11 year old along if she was having a short break like yours? Probably not. So I don't think you're doing anything wrong.