To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

Nothing is stopping DSD’s own mum from taking her own daughter on a holiday. I’d genuinely be surprised if she’s never been away with just her daughter before, a trip your child (rightly) didn’t go on.

YANBU she’s 15 she’s old enough to understand that it’s a birthday trip and not a family holiday. I can understand if your DH has never organise anything similar for her she may find it unfair but that’s on him to remedy.

Her Mum is out of order really because she could’ve easily remedied this with your DH. They could’ve gone into damage control mode and could have suggested that they plan a girls trip with her Mum and a friend for when she turns 16. I don’t think it was fair of her to blame you assuming she realises that it’s not a family holiday.

THIS

She’s a 15 year old girl, hence she’s a prick who loves to be right and tell her parents they’re wrong, and generally just be a moody, aggrieved little prick. This is how 15 year old girls are. Don’t worry about it.

Tell her mother to take her own daughter away, as you are doing with yours.

It's a mother daughter trip with a best friend who is the same age for company.

Would she take your daughter away on such a trip? I doubt it!

Don't indulge the SD's bratty behaviour. Sounds like she can't stand someone else being the centre of attention.

I think OP is entitled (obviously) to take her DD and her DD's friend on holiday however it doesn't mean she is immune from other people's feelings especially that of her DSD. It's obviously caused upset which should be addressed primarily by the father but wouldn't hurt for OP to show some understanding of her DSD's feelings as well.

It’s like a sibling being jealous that they didn’t get to go. No, it’s not fair but that’s life - it’s your DD’s birthday treat, not a family holiday and you are not being unreasonable at all

@2907fe9166a247bb9ghj3 the brother is younger than 10, hardly the same as a 15 year old.

DSD is behaving like a spoiled entitled brat and it is absolutely none of her mother’s business. Given her attitude she would probably spoil your DD’s holiday if you were forced to take her. I’ve taken both of my (now adult) children away separately when they were early teens and once took DD’s best friend too which DS had no issue with. They have different interests and I liked spending quality time with them separately sometimes as did they. Neither sibling showed any resentment of the other when I did this. (We also had family holidays as a group). Holidays are not an entitlement and you don’t have to pander to DSD. Her dad can take her somewhere if they’re that bothered.

Tell your husband yo tell his ex wife to butt out. It's none of her business. The ex would be doing her child a huge favor by letting her know that she is not always going to get to go ESPECIALLY when her father isn't going. God, the entitlement of people.

You aren't doing anything really wrong but it still feels a bit mean spirited.
If the 15yr old had already had a comparable trip it would be different.
I doubt she realises who is paying, she just sees her and the 11yr old as sisters who should get fair goes.

Have you replied? You’re not answerable to your husband’s ex so you don’t need to explain yourself or to reply at all. It’s none of her business what you do with your child, your money or your time, least of all when DH can still see DSD if you’re away during planned contact tone. It’s laughable she thinks it’s her right to question you or your plans.

DSD can spend quality time with her father and her mother or father can plan their own trips with her should they want to.

Does DSD ever go away with his DM
Are your DC invited?

So her mother thinks that she and the girls father should stay at home and you take their daughter away on holiday? That's absolutely crazy.

If anyone told me that I couldn't take my own daughter on holiday I would dump them. if her daughter is living with the OP's partner, it's really nice for her to have some time away just with her mother.

If it was a family holiday/or younger sibling except for DSD I can see how that would be seen as unfair. Is she really close to her sister and is upset she’s missing out having a girlie break away with her?

Is the friend not contributing to the holiday? I’ve been on holiday with friends as a kid but my parents always contributed to the cost e.g plane ticket/food. It doesn’t take away how DSD is feeling but it would make more financial sense as to why the budget doesn’t stretch that far.

Perhaps her Dad could take her on a holiday with a friend for her 16th. As regardless of whether she is upset to not be on holiday with her Sister, there is probably an element of wishing someone had taken her on holiday for a birthday. Unless of course you now say she also got a break away for her 12th birthday.

Why sure, that thread is totally comparable. Or, it would be if 1. the dsd lived with them 100% if the time and never saw her mum or mums side of the family. AND 2. If the whole family - dad, little kid, ds and mum - were going but finding a babysitter for her to stay home.
neither of those are true. In this case the op just replies oh sorry you’ve got the wrong idea here. It’s not a family trip, it’s dds birthday and she asked if she could bring a friend so I said yes. Dh and <little brother> aren’t coming either.

Presumably dsd's mum takes her away too.

What you're doing is totally fine.

The DH hasn't organised the trip and isn't paying for it. If DSD15 had a trip organised by her own mother which younger half siblings weren't invited to, I'm not sure anyone would view that as unfair?! They'd surely say they have their own mother to do girly trips away with. I'm not sure why anyone is saying the 15 year old should automatically get to go - their other daughter isn't going either and, again, her mother can always organise something if she's that upset. OP shouldn't be pressured into inviting and paying for her out of some misplaced duty IMHO.

It's none of her business and perhaps your DH should suggest she takes her DD away if she'd like to go.

You're not unreasonable here. If DH and younger DD were going too, maybe it could be seen as unfair for DSD. As it stands in these circumstances, it's not a family holiday and DD should be able to take the friend she wants to.

@Bitsiemcgee he is minding the lo."My husband (her dad) will be staying at home with our youngest"

@theduchessofspork yes it is, but don't you not see that at 15 you see your sister heading to Rome? Surely her father has considered the inequity?

It is a dh issue and I would be very disappointed to see a father see his two children treated inequitable.

At 15 yes you are not a child you are also not an adult.

I think who is paying for the trip is neither here nor there to a teenager.

She sees that one of your husband’s daughters is getting the trip of a lifetime and his other daughter is left out. To rub salt in the wound, another random girl is going to benefit also.

I can see why posters are saying it’s about the 11 year old and nothing to do with the older sibling, but I can totally see why she’d be upset and hurt. I feel sorry for her.

For me this boils down to a few things:

1. will DSD have a comparable trip?
2. If you had another bio child would they come with you?

I don’t think she has to go but she should have the same kind of trip for her birthday with her dad and a friend.

However I wouldn’t exclude her personally.

Sorry see you have a younger child. Point 2 is therefore moot.