To bring DD friend away instead of DSD

What are you getting your son for his birthday? Is he getting a 1:1 trip abroad with you too and your dd staying at home?

So does this mean you can never take your DD to the cinema, or shopping with a friend? You have to invite DSD to tag along?? Or if her birthday was a macdonalds with her best friend should best friend be kicked aside and DSD come instead?
Does DSD invite DD along to ALL her holidays and parties?

Does the ex buy birthday presents for your DC?? I mean everyone is arguing that they’re siblings… so the expectation would surely be that she sends gifts from DSD? … I doubt it!!

Your DC have to undoubtedly see her unwrap presents from their dad and mum and she’ll also sit and talk about all the things she got from her mum…. Your kids get 1 set of presents and their half sister gets double… if she came on all holidays with you she’d get double the holidays too! Life isn’t always fair for either step children or DC…. It goes both ways!

And this isn’t a family holiday, it’s a mother daughter and best friend thing for a birthday…. And last time I checked birthday children invite who they want to come to their birthday treat.

It’s actually non of your husbands ex’s business what you do with your own DC, neither is it your step daughters business. I’d message them saying you think they’ve misunderstood the situation, this is Laura’s birthday treat and she’s taking her best friend! Dad and other siblings aren’t going!

Maybe I'm missing the point. DSD goes away with her DM and your DC are not invited yet your DD goes away and it's expected that you will take her?

If you were going to Scotland or Wales would DSD still be kicking up a fuss?

There's a huge difference between an 11 year old and a 15 soon to be 16 yer old! And the 15 year old has had trips abroad with her mother which the 11 year old didn't even think of asking if she could go too.

There are just some situations in blended families when the right thing to do means other siblings and or half-siblings and or step-siblings missing out. This is one of them.

Surely in this scenario, although DSD will miss out on a 'bonding' experience with DD, DSD and DS can 'bond' over being excluded from DD's birthday trip. So DSD will be able to 'bond' with at least one of her siblings - no need for her to go on the trip to do this.

I was thinking about that too!

tbh I’m on the fence… on one side there’s no reason to include her since it’s not a family holiday as your DH & other DC are staying at home. On the other, if your DD wanted to take someone with her it’s a shame you couldn’t have persuaded her to invite your 15 year old DSD who I’m sure she would have had a blast with, they would both have had the experience and you wouldn’t be paying for someone else’s kid to have that experience off your own back.

DSD’s mum doesn’t really have an argument & you can just say it’s not a family holiday which (of course) she would be invited on. IMO it’s a missed bonding opportunity but that’s besides the point.

@YorkBound its not even the same situation/not comparable…..

The correct comparison would be
“OP would you mind if DSD’s mother took DSD on holiday and didn’t invite your 11 year old DD?!…….

which I’m pretty sure OP wouldn’t mind because everyone is allowed to take their own child on holiday without other people demanding their child should be invited!

DD’s Dad isn’t even going so it’s not the same as him taking his other child away without OP’s DD!

Of course you’re not being unreasonable.
It’s your daughters birthday and she naturally wants to take a friend of her choosing.
It’s actually nothing to do with DSD or her mum!
I’d politely respond that it’s for DD’s birthday so she’s taking a friend!

What an 11 y/o wants to do does not align with a 15 y/o. If she'd asked to come in the early stages it would've been a possibility but now it's a trip for DD and her friend of the same age.

You're not excluding DSD out of spite or hate; it's a trip for DD and her friend. Your DSD needs to understand that.

That’s what I was saying. That the fair and equal thing would be for the SD’s mother to take the SD on a similar break.

It’s a birthday present for the OPs DD, the SD has already picked her next birthday present.
It means she would be getting an extra expensive present if DH took her away.

Her mum can take her if it’s so important.

Totally incomparable. The same comparison would be if entire family going plus cousins and dsd excluded. Not only dd and friend going.

Why doesn’t your DH’s ex take your DSD to Rome for the weekend (not the same weekend)? That would be treating them equally.

This

I don’t see anything wrong with you taking your DD and her friend away to Rome. If DSD wants to go, then surely her own mum should want to take her. I’m not really sure why she would expect to come with you. It would be different if you were all going and excluding her, that would feel unfair but I think you are being perfectly reasonable here.

This isn’t about being treated differently. This is a birthday present.

My 8 year old and I are off to Belgium with the choir we are part off in April. My 13 year old couldn't give a monkeys that he isn't invited. Your sd is old enough to understand not everything is about her and this is a birtjday treat for your youngest. Presumably your sd will be given the same opportunities at some point?

You don’t have to explain yourself IMO. You and your DD, and her best friend are going away. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone.

I think DSD and her mum are just being difficult.

Send them a link to a hotel in Rome, and some flights.

Next time, don’t tell them. Let them find out afterwards.

Yes, guide them with love, to not be pricks.

Basically, parenting 101. Which her DM isn’t doing

Calm down. No one is saying it to her face

“It was originally planned as a mother-daughter trip for DD’s birthday. However, DD wanted her best friend to come too as I guess it may be more enjoyable having someone her own age there as well. That’s all. Husband and DS are not coming either as it was not intended as a whole family trip, as DSD would of course have been invited if that was the case”.

Think they will guilt trip you tbh but why shouldn’t you do something nice with your own daughter!

This

Oh calm your farm, I'm sure no-one on here is calling their 15 year old daughters pricks to their faces, nor are they writing them off as worthless.

The drama

15 year old girls aren’t by default ‘pricks’.

If they are ‘moody and aggrieved’ then that is because they are going through a difficult transition of development and there is a back story behind that behaviour. I guess some parents find it easier to just blame the child though.

If grown adults don’t guide and mentor them with love, and just write them off as moody worthless ‘pricks’ whose feelings and humanity don’t matter then that is shameful. And poor parenting.

People love to say it as some sort of ‘gotcha!’ But it’s not comparable in the slightest!

I'm not sure who these people are that would happily pack their kids off on a holiday with their partners ex for ‘fairness!’ or whether they’re just too dim to understand what they’re saying.