How to word to my 11 year old nicely why I don't want her having fake nails/eyelashes.

Christ on a bike @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams your husband would blame an assault on the child?! The only people to blame are the offenders, and your complicity with whatever dress code won't deter them.

I did resort to an online search for pictures of bunions when hassled about heels and that's why I limit how much I wear them. Which has the benefit of being true. My aunts very painful looking feet were a lesson when I was a child.

I might set it up in terms of not creating a rod for her own back and also potentially creating a situation that could harm her self-esteem.

If you start with that kind if thing so young, when there really is no reason for it other than to try to look more grown up (which is rather childish in itself) it becomes the bare minimum to go out in public and you're more likely to end up thinking you look 'ugly' and 'gross' without it and then you are sucked into spending way too much time every time you need to leave the house worrying about looking perfect and pretty and 'not ugly'.

Make up and fashion should be something that is fun and enjoyable, something that makes you look and feel better maybe for a special occasion, not a chore or an obligation that you need to do or else you feel you will look ugly and worthless.

Personally I worry less about the 'jail bait' thing when it comes to young girls and makeup and more than it makes them focus so much on looks and hotness and feeling that they look shit unless they are wearing makeup.

Of course it is inappropriate for her age and my opinion is that it very sadly does sexualise very young girls in the eyes of many men.

I would use a bit of tough love and say "maybe they do this, but for x x x reason, in this family we don't". Without insulting her peers you could say you like them very much as a person but you think what they are wearing isn't appropriate. Your DD is 11, hopefully she knows better not to repeat.

Fair point. It was a summary of the discussion though. In the context of our conversation "handle it" was very much along the lines of not being upset by other people's stupid comments. We tried not to take it to the next level. She's only 11 and still currently looks it thankfully. A friends 13 yro looks 17/18 in jeans and a t-shirt and has had to learn to handle a lot of unwelcome attention which is very sh*t.

Urgh, feel you pain! The previous poster had good suggestions, especially about unwanted attention.
I sadly was less tactful and said it looked naff, the nails were unhygienic (WTAF is living under them??)
Also highlighted that everyone looked the EXACT same, with gloopily glossed duck lips, untrimmed fan lashes, sharpie eyebrows, talon nails, spray tan, straightened centre parted hair and worst of all the Kardashian-style beige leggings (barf).
Wondered aloud what would happen if they were all lined up and vigorously power washed - would anyone be identifiable?
The mocking put my daughter off, but I was careful to make my comments about media figures and the general trend instead of real people we knew.

Good luck finding the words, often repeating the same line over and over is the way to go and there is some good suggestions here, but I don't think 'jail bait' is the way to go. To me that suggests some level of responsibility on the child when they have been abused and while false eyelashes etc can communicate a certain look, I don't think it ages children to the point they have been mistaken as adults.

My line on many topics is "my job is to parent you in the way I feel is in your best interests and that's in line with our family values".
DC understand that different families have different values and family cultures so their parents make different decisions. It doesn't avoid the "but it's not fair... So and so's allowed to.... So and so has..." but it does make it easier.

Eg. So and so is allowed to do X. / Ok, that's something their family value for their children. We don't and that's also ok.

@FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain Seriously, 9 year olds that is so sad.

My 21 year old DD has only started dying her eyelashes and waxing her eye brows as 'she doesn't want to be high maintenance'. I'm all for girls experimenting with makeup and hair dye but not until mid teens.

Guessing you're female and straight. That answers you.

My DD is a few years older, we had a discussion of not all adults are safe adults, and if we allow her to do things that are more grown up than her years, we are potentially drawing more attention to her from those not so safe adults than is necessary.
It was put to her that as she grew older, and it was more appropriate, and she was better able to manage that safely, that she would be able to wear x/y/z.
From about 11 we already struggled with realising dirty old men looking at her in ways that were uncomfortable, and I didn't want to make that a big deal to her any earlier than it needed to be.

Trust me, they are noticed. Why do them if not?

I use the phrase “I don’t think you’re old enough” rather than “you’re not old enough”. Subtle difference but I learned the hard way with one of my older ones how easy it is to offend other parents (DD2 announced at a school disco “my mummy says we’re far too young for high heels and it damages your feet and looks silly”). The different in phrasing seems to have saved any offence since.

I also make serious effort at remembering things mine are allowed to do that others aren’t to point out the differences aren’t always not in their favour.

Judgement is essential. Also, you sound about 12.

Well then they are weirdos. Eyelashes and acrylic nails worn properly are barely noticeable. Only a weirdo would look at this as "jailbait"

We’re having this debate over hair dye at the moment, I’m sticking with it not being good for young hair, though I may have completely made that one up…

I'm trying to give on some stuff so it feels easier to say no to others. So no fake eye lashes or fake nails, but yes to buying make up with her own money and trying it at weekends, though with lots of tutorials and help so it looks natural. I let her get some proper grown up concealer and mascara that suits her and said that was my concession.

Ohhh clever parenting!!!

BTW I hope you are in charge of media in your house. Parents watch Love Island and the Kardashians with their girls then wonder...

No. You're not old enough.

Nothing else is needed surely

@Oohhyeah
Lots af people would.

Can't you say it's against the school rules and shift the blame onto them 😛