How to word to my 11 year old nicely why I don't want her having fake nails/eyelashes.

Nails, I’d say I don’t want her disabling herself. It seems awful to make yourself less able to do things. At 11 there’s a chance she rips one off too. Maybe? I don’t really know.

Well say it and mean it op!

I wasn't being snarky. I just genuinely don't think it needs to be a deep and meaningful conversation. Other parents allow different things 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yep, her best friend turned 10 in November and was all over Facebook a couple of weeks ago with pics of her mum tinting her eyebrows for her and putting on her acrylics.

"I don't think it's appropriate at your age" and "different families have different rules."

I did used to let the dc play around with make up at home if they wanted to.

I just say no you're too young.

I saw a video of Nicole Kidman on Graham Norton saying that she had ruined her hair with straighteners and hair dye and would now never get her curls back.
A picture of me with a perm aged 16 was enough to deter DD - she's got some sort of weird tube thing you wear overnight for curls which we gently take the piss out of but she is quietly determined to have curls in her otherwise poker straight hair even if they only last an hour. I am supportive though if she can be bothered with the faff - it won't destroy her hair. So I think that sometimes finding things you can make a concession on, special occasions, holiday nail varnish, goes a long way to mollifying the desire to be part of it all.

Is it. Every day is a school day. That will come in handy ! Thank you !

'Different families have different rules' was our go-to from a very young age.

'I think at your age this is OK - can you convince me otherwise?' My friend's husband did this to great effect when their young teenage dc wanted to get their nose pierced. He listened to the arguments, asked questions about safety etc, then agreed... with the words: 'OK you've convinced me. When shall WE gt it done?'. dc was horrified, but no dad had been so convinced by her arguments that he said they would go together to get it done. Guess the outcome...

@NoNailsPls 'judgey'? yes, of course, but that's an unkind populist abbreviation rooted in judgement which comes of wisdom and experience. At 11, your dc cannot make all their own judgements safely, it is your role to help them with that, and to do it well. I think that is what you are doing.

@NoNailsPls the only word is no, that’s not what we do here. You are too young - you have your whole life ahead of you to do xyz at a more appropriate age.

If she repeats it and it offends someone, tough luck. You cant be expected to pussyfoot around it because other parents are allowing foolishness.

Ultimately, an 11 year old cannot afford treatments, so there isn’t much conversation required beyond- now is not the time 🤷🏽‍♀️.

You are too young for these things and that’s the end of it. Sometimes adults say because things aren’t appropriate regardless of what other people are doing

Because they are not for children. I presume she doesn’t have the money ey for them either.

Are you kidding? Why would, you ever think it’s ok for children to wear false eyelashes and nails? It’s hypersexualising childhood and is totally inappropriate.
OP - just tell your DD that she is too young and you will reconsider when she’s older.

This is so sad - 9 year olds doing that much? Some parents are just shocking ☹️

I would also mention that it is illegal for salons to put acrylic nails on girls under 16 and that nails and lashes all cost large amounts of money to maintain. When your daughter has the finances to maintain nails and lashes, she is welcome to think about having them.

Don't be ridiculous. He didn't suggest anything of the sort.

Yes - any woman or young girl should be able to wear anything she wants and not get unwelcome attention but that's not the world we live in. So we will judge what is appropriate for her to go out in until such time as she is older and can decide for herself when it's fun and appropriate and when it might be safer/less hassle to look her age.

Some people are perfectly capable of telling someone to ff off and others are upset and threatened by it irrespective of their age. I see no reason to accelerate her life experience and put her in that position until she is older and has the confidence in herself to deal with it.

I think you need to be honest that as unfair as it is these things draw male gaze and not all men/people are safe people.

My mother always told me no because it looks slutty. I still got sexually assaulted. And then internalised that as my fault because I was 'slutty' (really wasn't). Many years later I understand the attention I drew wearing what I did and that while it's never the victims fault certain things do seem to be a green light for predatory men.

I have a 8yo girl and she knows I won't let her wear crop tops/heels etc because they draw attention and some people may treat her like an adult. She's already been forcefully kissed against her wishes by another child so she is keen not to draw similar attention in future. It's sick and I tell her it's not her responsibility I just want her to be safe but she definitely thinks if you show your skin like that then boys will make you kiss them.

It would depend on the 11 year old, but if you think it would make her consider, I'd tell her that if she really wants them then she needs to put together a mini business case with five reasons why she should have them (and presumably why you should pay for them) and what benefit they would bring to her. Actual measurable benefits to her. Not "because everyone else does".

If she can do it then fair play, I'd pay for them as a treat.

Otherwise, just tell her no, she's fine as she is, and it's not healthy to be regularly sticking plastic to yourself.

What a pointless comment

It's too grown up and you are beautiful without it!

On Friday night there was a birthday party at a local pub. Party was for 11 year old boys, whole class invited, the party was in the function room above pub. Girls from the class dressed up, high heels,full make up, short skirt, false eyelashes. One 11 year old girl (January birthday) is 5'6 tall and adult men were winking at her... honestly if you didn't know her age...based on her height and what she was wearing you'd think minimum of 16 years of age..no parental supervision either

I've tried to come from the angle that in my opinion you look more grown up if you don't try and make yourself look like a grown up.

This is the line always took.

Mine are 25 and 17 now and it's always worked well.

Why? Because I felt the OP was being very judgemental towards actual 12 year olds? The irony of your extremely grown up comment!

I remember saying to a 10 year old who wanted to hit the bleach and justified it with the words "But you dye your hair" with "That's because I'm 39 darling, one day you will be 39 and can colour your hair in every shade of the rainbow if you want. You don't have to wait that long even, but Not. Happening. Now". She survived.

The word "No" is also effective. C'mon, this isn't a 15 year old where you end up bandying words, she's 11. Totally inappropriate.