How to word to my 11 year old nicely why I don't want her having fake nails/eyelashes.

while false eyelashes etc can communicate a certain look, I don't think it ages children to the point they have been mistaken as adults

No they look like grossly inappropriately dressed children who probably don’t have engaged parents taking proper care of them, and are therefore at risk from predatory men.

I’ve always been direct ‘no, you’re not old enough’ and ‘I don’t care what other girls/parents do, I’m saying no!’

If that’s the fashion shes going to keep on at you and lots of hard nos will just make her want to rebel.
Can you meet her in the middle - no acrylics, but press ons are fine? No fake lashes but a good mascara and eyelash curler? (Too faced better than sex waterproof looks like a lash lift if used after an eyelash curler!) I desperately, desperately wanted to dye my hair black as a teenager, my mum compromised with a semi perm brown we left on ages, so I felt I was getting somewhere, keeping up with the trends etc.
How you handle the conversation depends on the other conversations you have with her and your relationship in general. But kids are always going to do things that look dreadful to their parents.

I just think 'no, because you're a child, I'm in charge and I said so' and stick to it works!

Jailbait is a fucking horrible expression to use in this context.
11yo with fake nails and eyelashes are not inviting rape.

Regarding your question - just tell her you don't think these things are suitable for her age. Though I struggle to see the big deal about nails as a one off.

Well then they are weirdos. Eyelashes and acrylic nails worn properly are barely noticeable.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent a little but I think getting involved in sports means things like fake nails are a hindrance and so kids don’t bother with them.

Where they are asking for them, I’d have to say that it comes down to what’s age appropriate. Also, with a mind to finance. These things should be treated as a luxury rather than a necessity. Also, it does no harm teaching kids not to follow what they see on social media…

Use the same response you would if she was asking for a weekly bottle of vodka.
No. Absolutely not. Your 11. When you are an adult earning your own money you can do what you like

I think it's fine to say no and when asked why, just tell her the truth that as her Mum & Dad, you don't want her to look older than she is. If she comes back with 'other Mums let their daughters' then you can say that those Mums obviously don't mind if their daughters look older and that's fine because we're not all the same.

Stick to your guns - it also gives her a 'get out clause' whereby she can blame her parents for not being allowed to do what some of her friends are doing.

If I had a daughter this age I think I’d allow her to try certain bits of it out under my supervision but go for the pricier ones so at least she looks good.

Clothes eg, give into a certain style but not all.

I was given quite strict guidelines on what I was allowed to wear and makeup so I never went wild as DM controlled the purse strings unless I had pocket money. Once I earned my own at 17 out came mini skirts etc.

Even my old comp going back many many years had games/PE 4 times a week. Do some schools really only have it twice a week!

But also outside of school, aren’t kids doing sports clubs now? Netball, hockey, athletics, swimming etc? Are kids just not into those hobbies now?

Guessing you're not a pedo then

It's ok to be judgmental when a scenario warrants it.
It's how humans have survived and evolved.

I don’t quite understand this. Dyeing eyelashes and waxing eyebrows are high maintenance, surely.

I would just say “absolutely not, when you are a woman you can do whatever you like”

Whinging at me doesn’t make my credit card work so I’d be fine with leaving it at that.

I can’t believe people are letting their 9yr olds do that stuff. They should be rolling around in the dirt or something and just being children.

My 12 year old can’t afford them, so that’s that. We talk a lot about beauty standards, false nails, eye lashes, fake tan etc when watching tv so setting a boundary is an extension of that conversation.

I’ll let her have gel polish on her own nails (which encourages her to not bite them) and a bit of make up (mascara/lip gloss) but that’s it. I think giving a bit helps when other things are a blanket “no”. So no you can’t dye your hair but you can have it cut as you choose etc. I also remember at that age sitting in my registration class putting on a full face of make up and rolling my skirt up so a blanket “no” from my mum wasn’t that effective.

I also have the “I’m not their mum, I’m your mum” conversation for everything from screen time, to tv programmes to make up etc. They know different parents have different rules and sometimes things go in their favour, sometimes not.

My whine as a child

"But mum everyone's got them"

Mums response always

"You don't want to be like everyone else "

Trouble is they're not careful enough with removing and cleaning eyes properly. Then they're faced with eye infections, styles, lost natural lashes. Ditto with cleaning nails and washing hands. I've seen a fungal infection on nails it's awful and can destroy the nail bed permanently.

I don’t understand how school allows it, and how they manage to play sport with fake nails? Do schools or clubs not do the nail check before matches/training now?

My now adult dd complained in a similar was about those and plenty of other things and I nearly always held the line. Now she says that I was actually quite lenient, more than she would have been, and she's still only in her mid 20s. Just follow your own instincts.

Why ?

We seem to have lost any sense that some things are for mid teens and upwards. I understand there is peer pressure to "look the same" but it's OK to say no to a child and a 9/10/11 year old is a child, no grey areas, they are.

Maybe add “In my opinion, but other parents make their own choices and that’s okay!” 😬

“No, it looks chavvy as hell at your age. If you want to do that when you are 16 though then crack on.”

Then off to a Benefit counter on similar and humour her with a few products that are as natural as possible, just a bit of a glow or something.