How to word to my 11 year old nicely why I don't want her having fake nails/eyelashes.

@fleurneige No not for an 11 year old. @Withinthesewalls was commenting in response to a poster saying that my 21 year old DD was high maintenance by having her eyelashes dyed and eyebrows waxed, from time to time. Personally I wax 3/4 weeks and dye my eyelashes 6 weeks. No way would I allow an 11 year old to have false nails or fake eyelashes.

I also have an 11yo DD who's very into fashion and makeup etc. She has pocket money that she wastes spends in Claire's and Primark with her friends, but certainly not enough for acrylic nails or anything else semi-permanent.

I buy her normal nail polish and wraps as stocking filler-type presents, and the odd lip gloss or tinted nail balm. She raids my expensive makeup with gay abandon. I've tried to set limits as they've come up in discussion rather than laying down the law and to let her experiment at home. It seems to be working so far. She bought herself some stick-on eyelashes, wore them around the house and came to the conclusion for herself that they were a PITA and looked ridiculous. I've taken her along with me for a manicure with normal polish and the staff at the salon told her she can't have gel polish until she's 16. She asked for a spray tan, I told her what's involved and she decided she didn't want to strip off and wear paper knickers in front of a stranger, or have orange hands, so that was that. I ignore makeup experiments unless she's trying to wear it to school. She's allowed to Veet her legs and has decent skincare and haircare products.

Any time she's asked for something that I feel is too old for her, I've just said that it isn't appropriate for an X year-old but she could try Y instead. E.g. she wants to dye her hair purple but I told her she'd have to bleach it first and that would damage her hair, but she could try it out with hair chalks.

The only thing we've seriously disagreed on is short tops that show her tummy. I've said absolutely not, she's not old enough and what Friend A's parents allow has nothing to do with what I let her wear.

I don’t have experience of this but I remember being told not only was I not old enough but as and when I earned nail, make up and high heel money, I will be free to do as I wish. 😂 Sassy Mum

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams husband’s approach seems solid too.

So agree!

for an 11 YEAR OLD!!!

I loosened up at 14/15 with my dd.
I let her wear makeup at 11 to school but natural, concealer and some mascara. It’s a phase and they look silly with the big eyelashes and tan, my dd is 17 now and does have tan and natural fake (not big) eyelashes when she goes out, but is slowly getting fed up of the work involved and I think she will speed up her routine with time. She looks very perfect and enjoys some of the attention she gets, she gets a lot of unwanted attention too.

How do I know she will simplify things - I was the very same at that age.

Someone I work with had the end of their finger ripped off and lost their fingernail and bed when they got their finger trapped in a door with a false nail. They don't know if they will lose the finger past the knuckle if infection sets in.

I thought the same. It only became apparent six months after we moved when we had some warm days that you'd see pre-teen children walking along in crop tops and those shorts that are so short you can see their butt cheeks. Our kids are only young but we are both desperate to move before it becomes a real problem.

15 minutes every 2 weeks.

Your husband is a legend. Maybe you should take a leaf out of his book and be equally direct.

The most sensible post yet.

I agree. I also think looking older does encourage MORE pervy bastards to join in. Ones who might sexually harass a 13 yo but not an 11 year old. They started at 11 for me and I was tall, had boobs early and was blonde. It was like a dinner bell for wankers.

My mums message was, "your body belongs to you and it's their problem the dirty bastards" and my dad's was to teach me how to land a solid knee in the bollocks. Both of those messages helped at different times.

We hold men to no account whatsoever. If you're perving over a teenage girl, just fucking stop. Whether you think she's 13 or 16, just don't. Check ID if you're that big an idiot. I manage to avoid ogling 16 yo boys in the street. Just the thought

I've been through similar with dd1 also 11 who wants £20 a time cosmetics. I put my foot down and said £10 on a single item is the absolute limit you are not a well paid adult! We had tears and a meltdown in boots and that's mostly been the end of it.

Dd2 can have stick on nails from primark to play with in the holidays and that's it.

She can have make up but I would be saying a flat no to eyelashes too and I'm pretty chilled about this stuff.

I agree it's grim.

It isn’t illegal.

Totally agree with many of the comments here.

Upsetting, however, to read people suggesting pre-teen girls confuse men and make themselves look sexually attractive. Predators will go after girls whether they have fake eyelashes on or not. If you teach your girls this, the next time they get unwanted attention, they'll believe they deserved it for looking too "grown-up". Doesn't matter if you tell them they didn't. Once you've planted the seed that it is their actions that attract predators, they will never forget it. Speaking from experience, here.

DD had to wear fake tan and lashes for a dance show. She wasn't bothered before, but now has a real taste for both 😅

2 x PE a week is pretty common in state schools I think but club sports are pretty popular round here. My dd is 11 and she and her friends are sport mad - DD plays rugby, hockey and netball out of school and a lot of her friends are county or national squads for various things. They slope around in trackie b's, hoodies and nike dunks. Long may it last, although DD is desperate for second/third piercings and blue tips which I have said ok at end of year 7 (blue tips for holidays only).

I did that too 😂

Its a good job I dont have a daughter as I’d just tell her no, women who look like that look horrible, fake and ridiculous 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree. It doesn't really make them look older, it makes them look like a child with rather ridiculous lashes and nails.

https://www.bbc.com/news/health-45129280.amp

You can develop an allergic reaction to the glue uses to stick on the acrylic nails. You can also Google gruesome pictures of skin reactions if that might help?

I couldn’t live somewhere where this was the norm.

As someone who’s been through this it can be a hard battle and I found the best way through it is to capitulate within reason.

No to acrylics and eyelash extensions but yes to press ons and strip eyelashes. The rule in my house is nothing you can’t scrub or ping off at the end of the day. DD gave up in the end as nails snagged and annoyed her and eyelashes made her all blinky. When you let them within reason try things for themselves that usually satiates the need and they come to the conclusion by themselves that they can’t be arsed.

If you just say not a chance in hell then they’ll be like a dog with a bone. The teenage years are akin to a hostage negotiation and you have to let go of a lot in order to concentrate on the stuff that really matters like drinking, sex etc etc.

I don’t think there is any form of words you can use where your teenager is going to say well mum, you’re quite right and I no longer want what my friends have, so you’ll just have to stick with ‘it’s not age appropriate, I know you’re upset but the answer is still no’

Maybe give some leeway on some things that aren’t as extreme like press on nails or eyebrow shaping so she feels she got something?

At that age my mum completely refused to let me shave my legs, and looking back she was being so ridiculous because what harm would it have done, it only made me resent her, but acrylics and false eyelashes are a step too far I think.