To say to DH this isn't even a discussion and I wouldn't be going on this holiday?

That really sums up him and his attitude towards his children. It's all about him, never about the children.

I'm actually wondering why he wants to holiday with his 11 and 13 year-old at all! What purpose will they serve to him that they couldn't serve in previous years? In the OP it's stated "he'd like to go walking and exploring with me and the older ones". OK children that age can keep up with adults fairly well, unlike a 4 year old. But still - what purpose will they serve to this extremely self-absorbed man? And the only thing I can come up with is - audience. People to show off to.

I am liking this man less and less.

@NellyNilly, what sort of contact does he have with his older two children on a week-to-week basis? How much time does he spend with them? Does he do shared hobbies with them? Take them to their solo activities? Does he have one-to-one time with each of them?

Wow, so essentially he’s saying to the 4 year old, ‘you’re no fun so you’re not coming.’ What a twat. Does he think somebody else should take his kids on holiday when they’re young for him, or does he just think that they shouldn’t go on holiday when they’re young?

as for those suggesting they all go together and OP look after the little one while the others go off together to do something fun, no. Why should OP be designated childcare? It’s her holiday too. It’s also his bloody child too FFS.

God, I could never have any respect for a man like him. He doesn’t even deserve the title disney dad.

Ah ok thanks, I did read that but didn't quite get from it that HE had spelled out his motivation in those terms (spoiling them, doting on them), more that you were editorializing, which of course you are entitled to do on your own thread!

How do the DSC get on with their little brother by the way? Your DH seems not to consider the whole "we are a family" thing as actually being enriched by another family member rather than inconvenienced. Is the sibling relationship impacted by his attitude?

Ah, so he wants you there for show, as it were. Well I think I agree with you OP - fine for a cinema trip or an afternoon go-karting or similar unsuitable -for- 4yearolds activities that he can easily be babysat for. But a weeks holiday - nah.

Seems like he is struggling with the guilt of his separation from ex and the necessarily more fragmened family life your sdcs now have. Well if it's hard for his dcs he should certainly be aware and work out ways that might make things better for them. Being a good, involved, available dad, on a day-to-day basis - that sort of thing. But dragging Nelly on a big one- off holiday (so they get one over on 4 yrar old??) then possibly thinking -"good, job done". Nope that's not the way.

What ? She wants them to go on holiday, just lot leave the youngest at home ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Dutchairfryer I think you seem to have misconstrued the OP point. To me she clearly has stated he could go alone if he wanted, she couldn't stop him. But he wants her to come and leave their child at home. I agree with her on this. You seem to think she should do that - most odd.

Asking again @NellyNilly, WHY does he want you there? In his own words?

You have neither confirmed nor denied the widely held hypothesis on the thread that it's as a service human...

Totally agree with you OP. Your husband sounds selfish. And it's clear that some posters are not reading your posts properly to fit their step-mother bashing narrative, as usual. Yawn...

The OP herself said she wouldn’t be happy with him suggesting a holiday with just the DC and he has never suggested it

added, as too late to edit, I can't imagine why on earth he would even think you would holiday with his children leaving your child behind who has the same daddy as his children !

It's right there in the first post "DH is now suggesting that he'd like to take DSC away in the school hols, great I said!"

He wants you to come to share the childcare and ensure he has a fun holiday ! which is why the child you have with him is not invited as dear poor Daddy may not have a fun relaxing holiday.

Do you honestly not comprehend that some people don’t suggest things they know will annoy their partner?

You admit yourself you’d not be happy for him to go alone with his DC. It’s not a stretch to think he also knows you wouldn’t be happy with that suggestion, hence he has never suggested it

I've now read all your responses in which you do, eventually, admit that you do not want him to go away with his kids alone.

I can totally see why he wants to do that. He has only asked you to come and leave your child behind because you are clearly making it impossible for him to go alone.

You are being very unreasonable.

OP is being purposely obtuse on this point IMO.. early in the thread she said that “him taking his kids out for day trips on his own was fine, but she draws the line on him taking them on holiday”

then she says it’s shit and she’s not happy about it.

then she says she’s ’not stopping him’

Bottom line is she doesn’t want him to take them on holiday on his own, so is saying she doesn’t mind, but she does mind because he won’t go on holiday with her and 4yo even though it’s been accepted since she met him that he doesn’t want to holiday with young kids.

The whole setup is unfair on OP and all the kids, but punishing the step kids for the acts of the father is unreasonable IMO, it’s not their fault he’s a shit dad and only wants to take them away now they are deemed ‘old enough’, she should let him take them with her blessing and fight her corner separately.

Sorry OP if I've misunderstood but you haven't been clear on whether you would be OK with him taking his kids and leaving you and you child at home.

If you are OK with that then I don't see why he doesn't just do that.

If you are not OK with that then I can understand why he's making this suggestion. He wants quality time with his kids now that they are old enough to do that. Having a much younger child is likely to make that impossible.

you aren't*

The OP isn't stopping her DH from going on holiday with his children. He wants her to go and leave their own child at home!

I'm imagining that if you are the one having to find the money, research and book the holiday arrange passports/transfers/insurance/currency/packing etc. etc. it ain't gonna to happen anyway.
So no real need to disagree, just don't do anything towards it and I bet it doesn't happen.

Your brewing resentment about your H is getting in the way. Sounds like you want to stop his children having an opportunity for a holiday with their dad. It's not their fault he's been rubbish and not done more with them or your child. I couldn't live with someone I despised so much. It's not always about fairness, it's about what is right. Of your child would love a few days with grandparents , great. Why not go along. Otherwise let him do his thing for his children's sake.

He sounds like a misery.

And apart from anything else, it's selfish to expect the mother of his (older) children to be the only one to take them on holiday.