To ask you your biggest regrets in life

Becoming the OW and losing my job because of him. He was a vile creature who treated every woman and girl in his life poorly, so I was glad to be rid of him though. Taught me a lot about myself, and about what I'm willing and not willing to put up with. I got another job, moved on with my life, and met my current boyfriend through work, which I wouldn't have done if I'd stayed in my old job.

Thank you for this you know maybe I will look into it

I regret not marrying my late husband sooner.

I regret not putting my foot down harder over his interfering ex.

I was on my best behaviour all my married life, so as not to alienate DH's adult children. After he died and I had the funeral to organise, I again bit my tongue over some matters and agreed that the ex could come to the funeral to "represent" them during lockdown. (It turned out that it was her idea. Man Number 4 dropped her off and picked her up.)

At one point, DH's DIL informed me that his ex was 'devastated' about his death. NB DH left his ex when he found out she'd spent the night with her 2nd man, but she managed to convince some people that she was the victim. DH and I were married 24 yrs.

3 days after the funeral I was woken from a Diazepam/Zoplicone induced sleep to find her on my doorstep. I thought she was just there to give me her condolences, but she wanted to know what I was doing with his ashes. I later realised she had wanted to convince me to place them in a location of her choosing.

I regret not telling her to get lost then. Instead, I finally lost it a couple of months later and the kids have gone NC with me. (No, I don't blame them. I was out of order.)

I dumped him, it was indeed self sabotage. Don't underestimate the power of love, I thought he deserved better. Hope he got it.

Sounds more like self sabotage because she was insecure to me?

He doesn't warrant being the love of your life if he dumped you for being bigger than whatever size.

I'm so sorry 😞 I understand how you feel, and I sometimes feel the same way 😪💔

Sometimes, I wish I hadn't travelled down the fallopian tube.

Not continuing my ADHD meds after my teens (now in a massive queue) and wasting years in office jobs thinking I'd eventually come to accept/enjoy it.

Ask him out?

Serial cheating.

I agree with regrets changing with age. When I was a bit younger with young kids I wished I could travel more now I’m older I’m not as interested in travel!

@Yoe

Have you thought of temporary fostering or more long term adoption

even respite break care formal or informal basis
when i was growing up with my adoptive family,
we used to look after a family friends's daughter,
who had speacial needs,
we would look after her for a day on regular basis
Just so her family could spend quality time with there able boded son...

One regret that actually worked out in the end was thinking that I didn’t need to worry about breast cancer before my 50s. Someone I knew got it and so I started to self examine. The lump I found wasn’t supposed to be cancer . Thankfully Im a worrier so I went back for a six month check up. 20 years ago now, I was mid thirties. I don’t regret being a worrier. It saved my life.

Being so overweight. I was significantly overweight from the the age of 6 which I know now wasn’t my fault but not doing something about it later definitely was. By the time I was 17 I was around 17 stone, I went down to 10.5st while at uni and was within normal weight range for the first time in my life but what has followed has been an ongoing battle, yo-yo diets and such an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s the biggest regret of my life and has affected my confidence/self-esteem etc. although most people wouldn’t realise that as I am outwardly quite a together person.

Another is a 9 year relationship with a cheating, abusive knob head!

I agree that it is heartbreaking.

But I question how useful it is to have regret.
It is a feeling wrapped up with a sense of loss, self blame, sadness and can become a tool to beat ourselves up.

I am on a deep healing journey right now, and although regret has never been something I do, we need to be far more compassionate towards ourselves.

We can learn from all of our choices, but regret can gnaw at our self esteem, feed ruminative thoughts, fuel anxiety.

Beating up on our past selves is not helpful.

This is a wonderful if heartbreaking thread to read. This is why I like mums net so much and I am 67! To see all of us have regrets ad beat ourselves up fo a lot of choices that were beyond our control. Wish everyone who. Has posted that they find peace gi
oing forward. And thanks for the honesty, I’ve been in tears reading some of them…..

I find it depressing thinking about regrets. I also find that as I grow older, my regrets change. Whereas at 25, I regretted not doing a degree in English and Creative Writing, at 35 I regretted not settling with that nice guy who adored me because I was desperate for a baby. And at 38, I am a single mother by choice and don't regret that anymore because I have my baby...

What I actually regret now that I am fully mature and sensible is not studying for a vocational degree at university - something like sonography, optometry, pharmacy or physiotherapy - basically an NHS career. I would have been on £22,000 upon graduation, would have saved for a deposit by living at home and been able to buy a 1 bedroom flat in a shitty part of London in 2008 - which would have cost something like £100,000 and would have been worth £325,000 now. Or I could have worked in a hospital in Leeds or Sheffield and bought a house with a garden there. It would have been paid off now.

I regret that I was too young and stupid when houses prices were cheap, too depressed and underemployed when house prices were still okay. I hate the feeling of having missed out, which is why I have to move out of London someday.

I don’t even know where to start. Even when we’ve talked in the last few months we never move forwards.

Thinking pensions weren’t something to worry about until I was old.

Sorry @SoOutingWhoCares I've just found your post above. Your background does make it tough for you. I often hope that my daughter will meet somebody but having two children now will make it harder.

There are so many women in their 30's now who have chosen not to have children, some because they have pursued your path, others who say that they can't afford to have a family.

So sad for you, but have you considered adoption? My DD is single, 39 this year, and adopted two siblings a couple of years ago. It's very hard work for her but she's managing very well.
There may be many other women who feel the opposite to you, who settled down early, had children and have never been able to get a real career going.

Racking up huge amounts of debt over the years on things just because I wanted them... now paying £1000 a month back on repayments at high interest and no hope of being debt-free until at least my mid-40s. (Also finding it really hard to hide from friends/family members as my lifestyle has never been frugal so they expect me to be able to spend much more than I can)

Selling most of our bitcoin before it hit its peak. We could have been mortgage free by now. Urgh. Try not to think about it!

Thanks, the issue is I can't "go it alone" (asian, religious background would lead to shunning) and I've struggled to meet a decent man to marry.