To ask you your biggest regrets in life

Coming out of the NHS pension after 2 years when I bought my first flat...and never going back in until now. I've been working in the NHS for almost 22 years and if I'd have stayed in the pension I could have retired in 7 years. Instead I'll have to work another 20 years. I could cry.

Please don't beat yourself up about this.
Your mum will have known you were there and that you love her. You had no way of predicting when the moment would be. EOL is so unpredictable.
My mum and I did shifts sitting next to my beloved dying gran, at home where she was happiest. I went to walk the dog round the block, and mum stepped out the room to make a cup of tea and she died in that time. We say that it needed to be this way. She had seen us, knew we loved her, and then she needed to be alone so that my grandad could come down and get her and take her to Heaven.
Whatever you believe, please don't blame yourself.

Generally I don’t regret many things - you normally do what seems right at the time.
I do regret the college I went to at Cambridge. I was offered a place at another women’s college (unusual I know but my application went through a rather weird route!) and I turned it down thinking I would hate it and would much more enjoy a mixed college. Which turned out to be the most unpleasant, misogynistic, snobby place I’ve ever been and easily the unhappiest three years my life which really affected me going forward. The women’s college would have suited me so much better.

Smoking if only for social reasons. What a bloody vile habit. I haven’t had a cigarette in 25 years though.
Not retaking my biology A level so I could study medicine

I wish I learned to drive 20 years ago because I learned later in life and it is hard, I’m so nervous! Have a lovely car and don’t go anywhere.

I wish I hadn't been so affected by my parent's divorce when I was 20. I felt that my world had fallen apart and started drinking heavily. I had to leave the BBC as I just couldn't get up for work in the mornings, I became both late and unreliable.

placing too much focus on men for my self esteem and happiness, allowing this to wreck my mental health, not realizing sooner that this was caused by lack of love, affection and nurturing as a child.

I wish I'd put my career first in my 20s instead of wasting so much time and energy on the wrong relationships.

@Thepeopleversuswork

'Men just drain women's batteries'

Excellent summary of the current state of play.

Drinking alcohol.

Not getting treatment for depression and hormonal problems in my 20’s.

Being obsessed with a boyfriend at too young an age and wasting my education.

Also not realising that I like working with people meant in more definitive terms. I'm 56 in a few days and I've only just understood what work I'd enjoy doing and be good at.

Not knowing that I had aright to ask for help. The people I needed itfrom would have helped, if I’d told them things that were happening.

Not being more confident in myself. Not dealing with my anxiety earlier. Family members telling me to "pull myself together" and so feeling inadequate. Now I realise I did pull myself together. And they didn't bother with pulling themselves together!!

Not realising that I'm probably ADHD and that I'm not just "naughty" or "lazy". Not understanding about neurodivergence earlier and therefore understanding about family members more.

Pinching men's bottoms when I was much younger; and thinking I was making a strike for female equality 🤦🏻‍♀️

To have NOT told more dickheads I’ve encountered throughout life, esp at work, what I really think of them and to have even reserved for one or two of them a special “fuck right off.”

Having a(n) (avoidable) head injury, and post concussion syndrome before being injured by an antipsychotic drug that was prescribed off label for severe anxiety and insomnia after.

It gave me a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that has ruined my life for the past 9 years (it's a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined).

My health has always been ok in spite of me being pretty fragile when I was born 3 months prematurely...but I survived ok for 34 years before I banged my head.

Ever since then, I've felt incredibly vulnerable to being worse by taking other medication etc that could exacerbate symptoms, and I'm terrified of how the menopause might affect me, or potentially being more at risk for dementia.

Oh well. We live and learn, count our blessings and carry on.

Not talking to my DH about his health before he died.
Not staying with him for long after he died now knowing you're conscious for longer than when your heart stops beating 😬😭

For being too pious and not investing in bitcoin cos I thought unregulated money would be used by criminals. Derr.. all money is used by criminals... £500mdIm never going to see 🤦‍♀️

For marrying my first husband - he was an AH and I had an incling he was - his family were worse.

But in reality, without all of the good and bad experiences I've had, I wouldn't be who I am or where I am, so I'm actually grateful for all my errors.

Not having a second child. DH didnt want one, but briefly agreed to try but I didnt because it felt really the wrong time. I wish I had just gone for it. He never offered again and I will always regret it.

Travel the world, I have never been abroad, and wish I had gone to places like Egpyt and Machu Picchu. I will never get to Machu Picchu now, Im too disabled. Egypt may be possible but will be limited to what I can access.

I kind of wish I hadnt dated my uni boyfriend. He was very abusive and it coloured my uni life, but then I may not have met my DH and had DS.

'Men just drain women's batteries'

This is the most concisely insightful thing I've read on here in a while.

This is so sad @topcat2014 , my heart goes out to you and the young boy.

I try hard not to have too many regrets, I tend to take the view that the way I acted and the decisions I took at different stages in my life were the result of who I was at the time and what I knew at the time. Having said that , of course I regret things and there are lot of things that in retrospect I would have done differently or not done at all, but that was then and this is now.

Don’t think I’ve ever been in love since my first at age 19, over 30 years ago. Should have spent more time on this!
Left a great staff job and department because I was v burnt out. Lost hard won and glamorous career completely due to a city move where I am stuck due to my child’s needs.
Not getting issues from upbringing sorted out, I think doing that would have made a huge difference to all the above.
Making too much effort with some friends who didn’t reciprocate when I really needed them.

Cosmetic Botox - I ended up with botulism.

I wish I’d travelled to Aus and NZ before I had kids.

I have no regrets.

I haven't always made the right choices, but to see that takes hind sight.
I have always the best decision I could at the time, given fears, baggage, insecurities, influences and anxieties.
If I could go back and re-live that exact moment with the same circumstances I would make exactly that choice.
As long as we are open to change, learning and personal growth then even bad choices can teach us and give us wisdom.

I never beat up my past self.