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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel anxious about DD being away from me?

31 replies

smallpinkdinosaur · 02/03/2024 21:35

DD is almost 3. She has chicken pox so can't go to nursery next week. DH and both work FT and struggling to get the time off next week at short notice, but we've managed between us to cover Wednesday-Friday with a combination of carers leave and annual leave. Anyway, my dad and his wife have offered to look after DD Mon & Tues, so I am taking her there tomorrow afternoon. However my dad and his wife live 120 miles away (just over 2 hrs drive each way). They are the only family support we have so we need to take them up on the offer, but I'm so anxious. It will be 48 hours away from us, and my DD has only ever spent one night away from us (at my dads) and we were close by to her staying in a hotel. I can't be close by this time as I need to work.

She adores my dad and even though she only
Sees him once every 2-3 ish months she runs straight to him shouting "grandad!" and hugs him, which is so lovely. I've explained to her where we are going tomorrow and she's excited to see grandad but I don't think she understands that I wont be staying too. My anxiety is through the roof in case she gets really upset when I need to leave 😟 am I overthinking this?? She will be ok won't she?

OP posts:
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supertatovsevilpea · 08/10/2024 07:47

FGS how did I even do this 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’m so sorry OP! I thought I was posting on my own thread!

supertatovsevilpea · 08/10/2024 07:46

I don’t think there’s anything unhealthy about DS; on the contrary he’s completely chilled to be left at preschool and nursery and is not bothered in the slightest. But a full day and night may involve him getting up much earlier than PIL typically do, sleeping in a house which isn’t totally familiar to him, not doing his usual activities, not seeing me all day and all night …

He is only three, there’s plenty of time for him to get used to sleeping away.

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 17:38

She went off with her grandad very happily and I've been sent lots of pictures and videos of her having the time of her life. I only wish I was coping as well with the separation as DD is - starting to struggle now and it's only day 1! 🙁

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Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 10:32

@DelphiniumBlue My Dad can't come to us unfortunately as my stepmum needs the car for work. I'm sure she will be ok. I've repeated to her a few times that she's staying with nana and grandad and mummy isn't going to be there, she was saying "bye bye mummy, I stay at grandads". So I think she gets it.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 03/03/2024 10:18

There's no point feeling guilty for things you can't help.
If you don't want to leave her at your Dads, then don't. Take more time off work. But if you can't do that, then she has to go somewhere and your Dads is the best possible option.
I know you'll worry about her, but she will be fine. It's best to prepare her for the fact that you won't be staying there too, and be clear about when you will be coming back, even if you think she won't understand.
Is there any chance Dad could come to you?

Fairyliz · 03/03/2024 09:56

Feeling anxious is totally normal but she will be fine.
Just remember she will take her cues from you. So sell this as an exciting adventure with grandad that will be lots of fun. Don’t let her see that you are upset.

Noseybookworm · 03/03/2024 09:52

YANBU to feel a bit anxious, that's normal! I'm sure your daughter will be fine with your lovely dad and it's really good for her to get to spend time with him. I bet she'll have a great time ☺️

LunaNova · 03/03/2024 08:02

I also have a 3 year old, who has just recovered from chicken pox. The juggling of work and childcare was unreal (especially because my DM is immunocompromised so couldn't help as she does usually.)

Your DD will have a great time with grandad for a few days, our DD has spent the weekend with both sets of grandparents a few times now and she absolutely loves it - I was still nervous about her recent stay as we left after we dropped her off at nursery (so her grandparents picked her up) but she was still fine.

I bet a change of scenery will be great for your DD as if she's anything like mine, she will be bouncing off the walls from being stuck in the house haha

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:56

Sonolanona · 03/03/2024 01:06

She'll be fine...and your dad sounds awesome!
My dh is 62 and is great with our toddler grandson (who said 'Grandad' ages before he said Granny, and I look after him several days a week Grin)

Our dgs sees the other grandparents rarely as they live 6 hours + drive away but when he visits they take him off and he has a great time..toddlers are adaptable :)

Haha yes DD is also very much a "grandads girl" when we visit! I'm sure she will be ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:54

Catladyireland · 02/03/2024 22:37

You're not being ridiculous. You're bonded with your daughter and that's good. The time apart might do you both some good, it's healthy and I bet she will have a lovely time x

Thank you! 🩷

OP posts:
Mistyhill · 03/03/2024 07:54

If she’s not feeling unwell then I think it’ll be fine. Best of luck. It’s v difficult going to work with children that can’t go to school / childcare. Been there a lot!

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:54

Soñando25 · 03/03/2024 03:02

Could your Dad and Stepmum not come to yours to stay with your little girl while you're at work?
If not, she will be ok / fine, so try not to worry. The time she's away will pass quickly. You can FaceTime too.

Unfortunately not because stepmum works so my DD will be with my dad during the day (my dad is retired).

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Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:53

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

Also they are not people she "barely knows"?! Wtf?! Did you read the OP? She loves her grandad and sees him every 2-3 months.

What is wrong with people on here?Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:52

WandaWonder · 03/03/2024 03:00

I think it is weird for kids to be glued to their parents, if they have perfectly normal people that are close to them who can care and love them why the need to never ever be without children

Yes I think it is weird 'omg the world will end if my child is not with me 24/7'

Except I didn't say "omg my world will end", did I? I said I'm anxious.

OP posts:
Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 03/03/2024 07:50

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

🙄🙄

She's not "sick", she's perfectly well in herself! No symptoms whatsoever except spots.

OP posts:
Amumto4crotchgoblins · 03/03/2024 05:15

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

Is this a serious reply? Did you not read then OP and the posters comments?
I'm sure the child will be fine,what do you suggest OP does on this occasion....

Soñando25 · 03/03/2024 03:02

Could your Dad and Stepmum not come to yours to stay with your little girl while you're at work?
If not, she will be ok / fine, so try not to worry. The time she's away will pass quickly. You can FaceTime too.

WandaWonder · 03/03/2024 03:00

I think it is weird for kids to be glued to their parents, if they have perfectly normal people that are close to them who can care and love them why the need to never ever be without children

Yes I think it is weird 'omg the world will end if my child is not with me 24/7'

ilovebreadsauce · 03/03/2024 02:24

Yes you are unreasonable to subject a sick 2 year old to a 240 mile round trip to stay with people she barely knows.

Sonolanona · 03/03/2024 01:06

She'll be fine...and your dad sounds awesome!
My dh is 62 and is great with our toddler grandson (who said 'Grandad' ages before he said Granny, and I look after him several days a week Grin)

Our dgs sees the other grandparents rarely as they live 6 hours + drive away but when he visits they take him off and he has a great time..toddlers are adaptable :)

CammyChameleon · 02/03/2024 23:38

It's extra hard when they're sick, you just want to keep them snuggled up with you on the sofa and check their temperature every five minutes.

Last year I got hospitalised for several days due to chemotherapy complications while DS3 (4 y/o at the time) was off with chickenpox. He ended up staying with my folks while my husband fit work around the older kids' school hours. I worried, but he was fine.

Catladyireland · 02/03/2024 22:37

You're not being ridiculous. You're bonded with your daughter and that's good. The time apart might do you both some good, it's healthy and I bet she will have a lovely time x

Original poster
smallpinkdinosaur · 02/03/2024 22:07

@Scirocco
Thank you those are really good ideas. I've already written a bullet point list for my dad for her routine etc. My dad's brilliant with kids (he's raised 7 of his own, plus looks after 5 grandkids occasionally), so I'm sure he will cope. He's by no means elderly either, he's only 62, so can still (just about) chase after an active toddler 😂

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Scirocco · 02/03/2024 21:57

YANBU to feel anxious. It's a stressful situation and sounds like it's quite outside your comfort zone, and you've not got the option of building up to it gradually or even much time to get your head round it.

But don't let your anxiety overrule your reason. If this is the only feasible option at this point, and you're confident that she's going to be with safe and loving family members, then it's a reasonable option to choose.

She might be upset when you leave, but if so then she'll likely settle quickly once fun activities and distractions are presented (if you think that's a possibility then you could pre-warn your dad to have something that will fill that role easily available). Or, she might surprise you and be so excited by her new adventure that she's fine.

Maybe you could prepare some familiar and comforting things for her to have with her, and make sure your dad knows any key routines she needs him to follow.

Mumof2NDers · 02/03/2024 21:53

I can understand the mum guilt but me and and DSis used to stay with our grandparents for a week most summers and LOVED it x