Friend that constantly talks about herself

She’s not much of a friend.

Why not just be busy when ever she wants to meet or talk on the phone?

I have a friend like this. Very ‘Me!Me!Me!Me!’. I started making excuses, seeing her less and less. I see her now maybe once or twice a year at most, and that’s when I absolutely can’t put her off any longer.
She’s a kind, lovely lady but I just can’t sit through the monologues any more.

I have a friend like this. I am at the point of timing her every time she talks when we meet up so I can present her with the fact she talked about herself for 80% of the time.

In reality, I don’t care enough to be honest - I just have a busy diary so we can’t meet up very often.

I suspect this post is about me

But why would person 1 not then respond with something like, oh that’s a shame. My DC looks set to get their second choice but is really hoping for x. Then again, x is very expensive (or whatever…)

I see person 2 as showing interest and furthering the conversation. Otherwise it feels a bit like an interview.

@PegasusReturns ah right so person 1 isn’t interested in person 2 at all and wants person 2 to solely focus on them rather than a balanced conversation about both sides? See, that’s weird to me, unless person one has an actual issue to discuss, this is generally how conversations work.

It’s difficult to keep up with a point that you didn’t actually make 🤷‍♀️

I know alot of people like this and I actively avoid them! It’s really selfish!!
I always make a point of asking lots of questions as well as sharing information.

No
Do keep up

Essentially everyone thinks they are right In the situation above which I find ironic

TeenLifeMum

I used to have a friend who was like the OPs. It's not as simple as that.

She would monologue for hours. Literally. She would tell me something. I would respond. She would tell something else. I would ask a question. She would answer it. Her contributions were lengthy details descriptions of something eg about her partner or one of her children or someone she knew. I would tell her something about myself. She would ignore it completely or go. "Huh," and then continue talking about herself or someone else she knew at length.

I could tell by her face that she wasn't even listening to me, she was thinking about whatever she was going to say next. They weren't conversations but extended monologues on her part into which I would occasionally interject something about myself, and she would ignore.

So person 1 hogs the conversation but if person 2 joins in " its all about them" 😂
Batshit!

You can’t seriously be interpreting one comment as “hogging the conversation” versus person two taking a new topic and immediately - without any real acknowledgement - start talking about their own DC.

they walk amongst us

I used to be your friend but have got better at shutting up now. I feel bad for my past self's friends.

I don't think it's is always a lack of interest, it can be a mixture of nervousness, discomfort with silence, bad manners, anxiety, an assumption that someone quiet is happy saying less; but also some people just aren't interested of course.
I was usually talking the latest crisis which elevates a rude person's sense of entitlement.
I'm not defending anything. But assertive responses can waylay a steam rolling talker.
Good luck and I feel bad on her behalf.
You could also say something or just edit out gently, it's a consequence of her own actions

@TeenLifeMum

that’s a perfect example of person 2 making it all about themself!

The correct response would be:

that’s amazing, did she visit Edinburgh/Bristol/Leeds?

How exciting, do they have a preference for x or y?

gosh that’s interesting, are they feeling confident about getting the grades?

not to start talking about your DC!!

I never understand this.

So in the above convo person 2 is expected to listen while person 1 tells them about their DD uni without any input at all.
So person 1 hogs the conversation but if person 2 joins in " its all about them" 😂
Batshit!

Did you mean to give an example of what Op is talking about?!
person 1 was talking then person 2 very quickly made it all about them!!

can’t you just counter with your info/updates?

I was going to say this. Some people expect others to sort of fire info back into the conversation.

Been there, no fun. An old friend used me as a sounding board daily for 8 years about everything in her life, including deeply personal issues like her 5 rounds of IVF. I did nothing but give way to her in conversation because I wanted to support her through a torrid time in her life, but every single message and call was about her. The kicker was when IVF worked and her life turned a corner to begin the next chapter she cut me off, no longer needed me as i wasnt a mother myself. Can't begin to tell you how hurtful that was. Set boundaries, and just be rather busy if you to need to scale back. Good luck!

I have a friend like this, we both 49 and we have been friends since 16. I am an extreme introvert, I quite like listening although it's abit sad that the things she interested about me was rather selective. Sometimes it's unbearable, she can talk about herself for over an hour non stop, I had to find excuses to hang up the phone, she can easier continue if I dont. I think this is the reason she nevers had a successful date, the dream of being a wife/mother is long gone, it has been a very difficult journey for her to come to terms with it. I feel incredibly sad for her too 😞

People do change, she started to ask me questions few years ago, how my life is , my work, sometimes my kids, I get to talk 30% of the time! :) I am glad I stayed around, she is still a friend who I can go to :)

Ha ha ha. Either you have never met someone like the OP is talking about, or you are that person.

Just slowly fade out OP. There's no changing "friends" like that.

You have my sympathies OP. My MIL is like this and it’s been raised to her a couple of times, she doesn’t appreciate it though. Flat out denies she does it.

Either you don't have much life experience or you're lucky that none of your friends are like this. I know two people who will never listen and hog each and every conversation. I'm slowly phasing them out because it's just draining. They always have the whole world against themselves too for some reason 🙄.

I had a friend like this. I no longer see her, I just let the friendship drift.

I think this is the way to go.
She can't change it if she doesn't realise it.
I have a terrible habit of agreeing with people enthusiastically, which generally involves me saying oh ME TOO! And giving an example. Which I then worry about afterwards, that I've been overbearing.
Give her a chance to change her ways before cutting her out.

Surely most people talk about themselves as that’s what they know. You want her to talk less about herself so you can talk about yourself? Don’t you just go back and forth?

Person 1: dd wants to go to x uni to study x and y.
Person 2 with dc same age: “oh cool, ds is looking at x uni but I’m not sure he’ll get the grades.”
Person 1: has he got a back up?
Conversation has naturally turned to person 2, not because person is awful but because you raised something that’s also relevant to them.

can’t you just counter with your info/updates? Some active listeners are really closed and give very little to make a conversation so the other person talks about what they know that links - which will be about their lives as that’s what they know. If you’re so passive, how can they talk about you without interrogating you.