To ask, why do people say marriage is hard?

Looking at divorce & cheating statistics clearly many do find it hard.

*grown

I think many people have lost sight of the fact that a lot of the worthwhile things in life can be hard at times. Whether it’s a happy marriage or eating healthy food and staying fit etc, it does take effort.

I found it very hard. I always said I wouldn't get married, and I shouldn't have, even though I wanted to at the time. I've spent most of my life as a single and have found it so, so, much easier.

@innerdesign don't be so stupid! We've green and changed in 36 years!

But we don't annoy each other.

Sorry you don't like that, but we're happy.

It's really not!

I think the problem is people change, and so even if you were compatible you might not always be. Either you'd remain exactly the same and so would they, or you'd grow the same together

I'm envious of the people who have genuinely happy marriages. Personally I don't know how you could stay interested in someone for years and years unless you both make an effort to work at keeping things interesting. I get bored after about 10 years I've found.

The idea of being in close quarters with someone and having to align your beliefs, quirks, interests, while accepting eachother and still having your own identity. Being 'tied' to them in marriage so divorce could be costly.

I mean life is fucking hard. It sounds like a line trotted out by someone who isn't the brightest and best of screenwriters.

Because in UK divorce law your spouse is entitled to claim 50% of all your assets? Marriage is a mugs game

It takes work, but how hard that work is depends on a lot of things. My marriage is easy, but we haven't had many challenges or hard times. And of the hard times we have had, we've been on the same page. I imagine it would be a lot harder if we had opposing views or conflict during these times.

Life can be hard. Marriage is easy- if you with the right person.

I think marriage is obviously hard work if you’re not quite compatible.

It’s just a very long time to be with someone so intensely, with life throwing curve balls and age changing you both in your own ways.
I know I’m different to how I was at the age of 28yrs and to me the difficult part of marriage has been navigating that change to the more rounded and experienced person I am now.

Marriage is like anything really, it can have its ups and downs especially after dropping a baby into the mix, death of friends / relatives, work stresses, people changing and so on.

Because you can find yourself legally tied to an abuser.

And for anyone who thinks it won't happen think again. People can change even after decades of marriage.

You should though. You sound proud that you and your husband haven't changed or grown as adults. I wouldn't be proud of that. Changing isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's possible to grow together and challenge each other and come out better for it.

34 years and counting. Very happy.

Yes. This is it in a nutshell. We get through it as a partnership and I feel very fortunate.
Apart from when he wakes me up with his snoring!

Not fir everyone

Because you both change enormously over the years, particularly after having children. The initial euphoria goes and then you start to annoy the hell out of each other.

There are tough moments but overall I wouldn't say its hard work

@ZsaZsaTheCat Aside from infidelity and your spouse being the cause of financial ruin ( through a gambling addiction perhaps), all of the above are difficult life experiences that we could experiences regardless of whether we were married or not.

Sometimes these experiences are easier with a spouse, sometimes they’re harder. It’s so individual.

I love my husband and if I had my choice again I’d chose him. He’s a good, funny, kind man and the best dad and I genuinely prefer him to pretty much everyone else.

I still find it hard. Being an ‘us’ and not just a ‘me’. I think maybe I wasn’t meant for it, but we make it work.

I think it's because you never know what life is going to throw at you and you have to navigate that together and sometimes that's easy, and sometimes it's harder. You need to love support compromise through decades and decades of life which will probably include one or other of you getting sick, will more than likely include both of you having your heads turned and developing crushes on other people, will definitely involve arguments, disagreements and annoyances and the rollercoaster ride of hormones disrupting libidos in both directions at the most inconvenient times. If it's a good marriage through the love and laughter and fun times and shared experiences will more than make up for the 'hard' bits. Mostly it's fun, sometimes a bit less so but the commitment is to put each other first, stay when they're sick, through the tough times and not just turn around and say ' I'm not feeling it anymore' at the first sign of discord. It doesn't mean you overlook red lines crossed but you do learn to compromise turn a blind eye, pick your battles and let your spouse know you love and appreciate them every day.