Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

Exactly this but most won’t listen.
As someone who went to state school, I think it is a shame that those who are strong proponents of the state sector come across badly on these sorts of threads. Inverse snobbery, lazy generalisations, narrow minded, using derogatory terms and seeming like they have a massive chip on their shoulder.
I have done very very well from my state education. My parents prioritised our education above all else. I am not sure I would have done as well at private school if it weren’t for my parents attitudes.

And you know this how, exactly? I assume some is contained in the much-fetishised OFSTED report, but not all.

My kids state school has an hour and 20 break . They have over 40 lunchtime groups available from sport to album club and art and orchestra. They do everything at lunch as it’s rural school and catchment is wide and most go straight home on buses. I think it’s not helpful to judge schools generally like this. There are some really awful Private schools and some really awful state schools. Some turn out well rounded individuals and some don’t.

@Taylormiffed yes a full 1 hour lunch break and then can go to common rooms to chill out with music etc. However remember they finish later ie 5pm so they do need a proper lunch break

DS went used to go to a weekly activity at a private school with the children. He realised they weren't brighter than him and his mates at secondary. But the school had no challenging children, masses of sport with amazing facilities (plus Sat am sessions) and small classes.

He went to a few of their evening meals and was amazed that all the kids had to pile their phones and ear buds up on a table as they went in and none of them were stolen. That blew his mind.

Don't private school kids generally get an hours lunch with a proper meal? That and the extra sport must do them the world of good. Comps get a crappy 40 min break and a canteen scrum.

100% this.

Results, behaviour, progress 8, destinations, bullying and aspirations

‘Dire’ how, exactly?

But that's the point isn't it? No-one knows how their DC would turn out if they stopped sectors ie private to state OR state to private. That is all what if-ery. I'm sure some private DC would excel in state just like some state DC would excel at private. We all make the best decision for the child in front of us at the time

The smugness dripping from this post is insufferable.

The reality is, you have no idea how your dd would have turned out if she had gone to a state school. She might still have come out with a string of straight 9s, an impressive list of extracurricular achievements and "the confidence to be herself".

Dd3 recently chaired an international debating conference, is grade 8 piano, loves athletics particularly triple jump, enjoys ballet and has completed all her grades, is doing her grade 7 LAMDA, is doing very well at CCF - and is on course for all 9s in her gcses this summer. The school is very supportive of her athletics and music. Again she has always been strong academically and would probably have done well at state school but the extra curriculars at her private school have given her confidence to be herself.

My 4 dc all went to private school from year 7 - dd3 is in y11, the others are adults.
My ds entered y7 having had severe speech problems ( largely sorted out by then), never having been in any sports team and generally not liking sport, playing violin but not really enjoying it (I think he had done grade 2) and also he's ND.
He finished absolutely loving sports - the school really encouraged the idea that there was a sport for everyone. He also got a distinction in his grade 8 LAMDA, was lead violinist in their orchestra and had also taken up and got grade 7 in piano. He was the head of their CCF corps and Lord Lieutenants Cadet as well as getting gold in various olympiads in maths, chemistry and physics. Finally he left with 4A* A levels.
He's obviously still ND but he was given the chance to shine and took it. I'm sure he would still have done well academically at a state school (though he was already being bullied when he left the sector) but the rest - not a chance!
We are on universal credit and he had a full bursary.

There's private and there's the private that the angst ridden MNetter is obsessed with. I know of dc in three different private schools:

1. Steiner school
2. Post primary school for dc with social/emotional behavioural issues (most pupils have been excluded from several schools previously, tiny class sizes (3-5) and emphasis on lovely activities such as kayaking, art, music)
3. Independent secondary. Nice school, nice facilities, but certainly not producing future politicians.

All have engaged parents who are passionate about their dc's education and want them to fulfill their potential, and they have the financial resources. All three of the above produce vastly difference 'sets' of students, none of which would fit the MN definition of well rounded. No 3 is the closest fit, but nothing that a local grammar couldn't replicate.

I grew up in NI where there is a grammar/secondary modern system. Plenty of grammars to go around, but the % of FSM pupils is still very low. They largely attract those in the higher socio economic demograph. My friends tell me that tutoring now starts in P4(!). There are still plenty of families who wouldn't even enter their dc into the 11+/transfer test/SEAG as "grammars are for snobs/rich people".
I went to a good secondary modern all girls school. The most confident pupils were the lowest achievers, whose parents would threaten to come into school and hit a teacher because their dd was told they were wearing non regulation shoes/coats/jewellery. They certainly weren't polished in the MN sense, but they had very straight backs, were entitled and knew their opinion would count for something. The more wealthy, hard working, high achieving pupil knew they had to lie low and keep their mouths closed.

Because all our local state schools are dire. It would cost approx 150K to move to catchment of a good school Vs 75K for private school fees. Absolute no brainer.

My experience private school kids get more exposure to: art, music, literature, sports, finance, etiquette, food and drink, other cultures, etc. which in my mind makes them more well rounded individuals.

My experience is that people who went to private schools can be just as much philistine bores as anyone else. Just philistine bores with money, which is obviously enough for some people to be convinced they ought to be taken seriously. Particularly if they have an accent others deem to be posh, they can say practically any old shit and be taken to be worldly wise and knowledgeable.

My thoughts exactly

This attitude would last maximum 3 mealtimes in a crisis.

They are often more confident

schools that are easier to manage children get more positive attention, non disruptive teaching so higher grades (plus all the extra tutoring) and they are told what high achievers they are, often higher results in exams so this adds to this notion that they are smarter and somewhat special constantly hearing this rubs off and it often borders on entitlement and arrogance

they have the same issues with children having mh issues but they will have access to therapy, children who need more support with their learning get it

but for some odd reason we have to pretend the children are not privileged just super smart who parents put their education before anything

So why not send them to state school?

I think it's a mistake to discuss all private schools in the same breath. Some are fantastic, some are dreadful. Some cater to specific needs and abilities while others are highly competitive and academic. There are many different reasons for using them and they produce quite different results. Why do people reduce things to an oversimplified hate or love argument?

Definitely money helps. If you have money and can put your child in an environment that almost promises to ensure that your child is well rounded (not necessarily with values because that starts at home but with knowledge, sports and hobbies and connections), plus not forgetting being in that environment you pick up a culture which you can take with you into the real world which only a few people have access to.

For those of us that don’t send our children to private school, again we invest in our children’s attitude and personality. I personally invest in my DDs hobbies and I’ve noticed a huge difference in confidence and attitude between her friends thar do extracurricular and those that don’t. It really teaches you a level of independence; it teaches perseverance ; and sport is a great teacher of team work. We are lucky that her school encourages every child to pick up extracurricular. They specialise in sport and are investing in their arts and have introduced subjects like Latin - I didn’t think much about it but spoke to an older friend who sent her child to private school and mentioned that it’s all part of being part of “that club”.

Not all state schools can afford to give each child a tailored experience. But what you are describing is more of a culture difference.

Well, I do hope not because they would be wasting their money.

I don't know anyone in RL who would openly admit to sending their kids private for that reason either. Though it's often there in the thinly veiled things that they say.

Posters on here tend to be a bit more open about their motivations, I presume because it's anonymous. So you get posters talking about the perception that privately educated kids are happier, more confident, "more well-rounded", "better conversationally" etc etc. It's pretty transparent.

Family background is a far more significant factor in terms of how kids actually turn out.

Staying young longer was one of the appeals of private for us.

Not in an incompetent way. Ours know from toddler how to do basic household tasks but I value the teens still wanting to do activities, sports, be less bothered about being "cool" being proud to be academic.

I find it appealing to have less street wise adolescents.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves that's because I don't know of a single parent who chooses private school to enable their child to be superior to state school children.