Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

Why are you telling the poster why she was bullied and dismissing what she said 🤔? If her family were wealthy but were "ideologically opposed" to private school then that absolutely puts her at risk of bullying. There was one boy at my school with a really posh accent and mannerisms who sadly got absolutely bullied tf out of because of it.
Not condoning bullying at all btw but don't throw your kids in the deep end just because of your ideology

I think pp was referring to the kids at private school not the parents, because of the level of activities they do.
Having said that, I do know of a couple of overweight children at private schools. It’s not the exercise that makes you slim, necessarily, it’s the diet. A whole other thread

Education gives you more choices - it’s then up to the individual. A very ordinary job, whatever that maybe, doesn’t necessarily equate to a waste of fees or their education, be it private or state .

My dc went/ go private and are all confident well rounded individuals. We are on benefits and at their state primary my youngest two were entitled to fsm (fsm don't apply at private school so during covid I had to get local councillors involved to approve vouchers for them based on our very low income)
Unfortunately we were crammed into a 3 bed house so eldest two shared a room and dd3 was in our room. We have a leaking roof, the upstairs toilet was out of use for about a year until I could afford to have it replaced. Some weeks we struggle with food though we are very good at making nutritious food on a budget We have been to food banks a couple of times. Ds has to work during his university holidays so he can help with his extra food costs.
My private school educated were certainly not insulated by wealth!

That saddens me. Everyone is different, every school is different so a blanket state kid over private kid makes no sense. Ds went to private school on a full bursary, it had excellent resources and teachers but he was expected to put the work in. He came top in his first year at university on his course (aero engineering) and received £250 and a certificate. Will future employers just look at where he went to school and dismiss him out of hand?

One of my sil's went to St Paul's as did dd2's best friend (male). There are a few years between them but both are very comfortable in any environment. We are very working class, on benefits, from Liverpool and neither of them looked down on us and just fitted in. They are both amazingly intelligent with starred firsts from Cambridge. At St Paul's they did step maths for fun!
They also have well rounded parents which helps.

I'm overweight - all 4 of my dc went/go private!

I find the idea that private schools produce more well rounded children than state schools very naive. Well rounded children come from well rounded parents. You don't need extra cash to have good values and nurture your children. You find little shits and absolute gems everywhere.
I think you are talking about veneer, which is useful to have but doesn't make a person well rounded.

So private schools in Ireland spend roughly the same per head as state schools in Ireland?

No, not sure why you think this?

The reason private school fees are cheaper in Ireland is because the State pays for teachers' salaries. So, unlike the UK, these schools have hybrid funding with both State and parents contributing.

I worked for a DV charity in the UK, providing education in secondary schools on healthy relationships behaviours, rights and support in response to the staggering rise of sexual and technological violence. Almost all of the private schools I approached took a less proactive view, felt that the issue wasn’t prevalent in their school and this type of education would not be supported by the parents. Despite my experience gained After years of working in sexual and domestic violence services they were less inclined to accept my advice that these type of social issues do not discriminate between economic or social statuses.

the reluctance to hear and respond was quite alarming.

this was around ten years ago, I hope sincerely attitudes have changed for the sake of the kids under their care.

Narrow view. My kid’s independent school is diverse, kids don’t all sound the same, we the parents are working class, my child isn’t over confident but benefits from the extra attention and smaller class sizes, and he mixes with a mix of people in school and out. These kids are not all mini Borises you know. This view annoys me!

So private schools in Ireland spend roughly the same per head as state schools in Ireland?

Because in the UK private schools charge fees high enough to ensure there are twice as many teachers per pupil than in state schools. Which is going to make a difference surely?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/education/2022/apr/07/england-state-school-pupils-as-happy-with-life-as-private-school-peers-survey

Positive survey results here on mental health

Kids from similar backgrounds tend to have similar manners. And no, I haven't undertaken detailed research on this, but I have encountered hundreds of kids from both sectors over the years, and this is what I've observed.

There has been research on this in Ireland. Now our private schools in Ireland are no where near as exclusive as the UK, but research demonstrated that the socio economic profile of the students was the main determinant on achievement and outcomes and not whether the school was private or state. So in other words if you live in a good area and go to your local state school you'll do well.

Surely the very sad death of Thomas Kingston shows that you can be as well rounded and polished as you like, but the only real thing that matters is the happiness of our children.

Do they?

I think looking at the current government and our MPs, they seem to also produce a fair amount of lazy, entitled, useless and corrupt sociopaths...

Kids from similar backgrounds tend to have similar manners. And no, I haven't undertaken detailed research on this, but I have encountered hundreds of kids from both sectors over the years, and this is what I've observed.
Same here.
I've taught in state schools where it was the norm to be greeted with "good morning" and thanked at the end of the lesson.

I've known friends teach most of their career in independent schools and love the polite atmosphere and culture.

I've also taught in state schools where I've said hello/good morning and the response would be "don't even start because I'm not doing a fucking detention".

I've known friends in the independent sector be spoken to like something on the bottom of the pupils' shoe.

I don’t put a price on my DS. My parents worked hard to support my sisters and I through university. We all studied professional vocational degrees so we’re at uni for a minimum of 5 yrs, my DF ‘s salary excluded us from maintenance grant. I suspect the total cost of higher education for all three of us was probably the same we have paid out ( for DS’s education) in today’s prices.
DS is an only, not through choice, so we were able to choose where he was educated. A privilege, in some people’s eyes but only possible because of the education I received. Like my parents we chose education over luxury cars and holidays. Although being the daughter of a tight northerner does rub off.

It’s related to wealth.
nothing to do with the school or parenting.

wealth protects you from the stress of poverty- unsuitable housing, instability, food security.

wealthy creates access to experiences; musical instruments, hobbies, holidays.

only wealthy people send their kids to private school therefore they appear to be generally more accomplished, cultured or confident as you say.

it depends how you define well rounded. I would argue a wealthy child at a state school is likely to be more “well rounded” in having all the benefits that wealth brings, combined with a dose of reality of living and functioning in the real world which brings empathy, compassion and motivation.

private school just makes wealthy kids more elitist.

Yes I agree the home environment is more impactful than the school. I suppose if it's a boarding school though, the school will be more influential.

You're completely missing the point about adjusting for socioeconomic factors.

Kids from similar backgrounds tend to have similar manners. And no, I haven't undertaken detailed research on this, but I have encountered hundreds of kids from both sectors over the years, and this is what I've observed.