Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

Totally agree. You would never see my state school educated eldest as any different to his privately educated friends. But he went to a very middle class comprehensive. He did loads of extra curricular activities including DofE silver, youth leadership, representing GB in sports completions. He’s at a RG uni, is the president of a couple of the societies, does lots of youth work and got a prestigious internship with an offer for post graduation. It was a combination of good state school, engaged parents, lots of cultural capital and quite frankly the money to support his interests.

There’s an awful lot of baloney on this thread and huge assumptions/generalisations being made.

This is an interesting thread. One thing I do notice is how early some of the state senior schools seem to finish compared with the independent schools. It’s easier to fit in more activities if your day finishes at 5pm (say) than if it finishes at 3pm.

I have 2 kids in a private prep school so I think I have some idea…
My observation is that compared to my friends with kids in state schools I do a hell of a lot less. My children have the option to do just about every extra curricular I could think of at school including things like ballet with an RAD teacher, horse riding lessons and karate. It’s expected that they pick up a musical instrument and the range on offer is extensive including more unusual instruments like the harp. They all play regular sports matches. All I have to do to facilitate any of this is tick a box on a form. Swimming lessons are weekly so no need to arrange those either. The school is also shit hot on 11+ prep starting in Y3, meanwhile my next door neighbour whose DD is at a state but will do private secondary is struggling to find a decent tutor because they’re all full. There’s a space at breakfast and after school club for anyone that wants one whereas I know the nearest state has a waitlist.

Of course state school parents could do all of the above and more, but it would be a lot more legwork wouldn’t it, because the school wouldn’t be doing it all for them?

The boys dd met recently from a top public super famous school were sadly unpleasant and rude about her being at a state school. The teens from the various normal local private schools have never been so rude and it’s not an issue.

He was public school educated

I'd say parents but private school for those with bad home lives can be a godsend. You can tell the kids at either type of school who's parents talk to them/take them out/explain things/are genuinely interested in them and their futures. It's not even about doing clubs (affordability) but if the kid wants to learn friends are usually more than happy to give books or instruments to a kid who is genuinely invested.

@InTheRainOnATrain Totally disagree. I don’t think you have any idea of how much “leg work”’pvt school parents do. It’s a lot.

Any school can do pubic speaking and teach the kids how to present themselvees -that does not take resource, it should be part of a class lesson

No. These are mostly not private school educated but public school and there's a huge difference. Private schools, as stated elsewhere have smaller classes, more individual attention, often more clubs/trips/opportunities (paid for, obviously) so students get a chance to experience more e.g. school plays, concerts etc. These can raise self esteem and confidence. Students might also might play more sport.
Mostly though I think it's that each child is well known to their teachers and that helps enormously. Problems spotted, intervention, support all help.

I agree.

We have friends in London who have known dd since she was tiny. They were absolutely astonished when they discovered that she had gone to a state comprehensive... they had just assumed that she was at a private school. You can't tell!

Lol, produce people like Boris you mean?

Dd socialises with a wide mixed group of state and private you literally cannot tell. It’s about the parents not the school.

Class sizes are far smaller so, as a pp said, teachers are able to get to know each child and build a mutually respectful relationship. State school pupils have a more 'them and us' mentality towards their teaching staff as it's more about crowd control.

Yes full bursaries

Maybe jobs where people know how to spell ‘a lot’

Not RTFT, just skimmed, but:

'well rounded' isn't the same as being an all-rounder, though.

'Great all-rounders' are kids who are a bit better than average at quite a few things.

Well-roundedness as a personal characteristic sits more in the area of soft-skills, self-awareness and social aptitude, being able to handle yourself in a range of contexts, with a variety of people from backgrounds different to your own, and having an element of savvy and good sense.

The private school sixth formers who come to do work experience at our 'rough' inner city primary school don't know where to put themselves. We very much appreciate them, but most of our home-grown 11 year olds seem to have more about them and a greater curiosity and capacity for engaging meaningfully with new people and situations.

When private school kids go on to do a very ordinary job that didn't require private schooling, (as i have seen alot), it must seem a waste of fees

sorry, but what jobs exactly require a private school education?!

May I ask how you could afford to send them to private school? Did they get scholarships?
Just curious because as far as I'm aware private school is far from cheap

One of my sil's went to a top day school, is a brilliant mathematician (Trinity), grade 8 in piano (probably has other musical skills), has represented England as part of a dance team and is a black belt in a martial art. He's not particularly sporty though!
I think parents need a greater input if dc go to a state school but it's perfectly possible and indeed many well rounded people leave state school every year. Dd3 has a friend who is sporty (athletics), musical and very academic. She went to a state school albeit not our local needs improvement one and is now studying medicine at Cambridge. Her parents are very committed.

Ok wonderful you are the exception to the rule. Well done 👍

I was lucky (and bright) enough to get a scholarship to a private school, and whilst I didn’t pursue a degree, have been able to work myself up to a high-paying and highly respected role in my field of work.

In answer to the OP’s question, IMO, it all comes from parental expectation.
That is (in no particular order):

1. Behavioural
2. Obedience
3. Table manners
4. Neatness
5. Politeness
6. Conversation skills
7. Debate, not argument
8. Reading to, then by self
9. Organised Sports
10. Self-Awareness from a young age

DH went to a top boarding school ( no, not Eton) and is a brilliant mathematician. Utterly un-musical, can't dance for toffee, runs but poorly coordinated. Not remotely an all rounder. Nor were the private school kids I met at uni.

A lot of it is due to parental influence.

Most private school parents are successful and well educated, so this influences their children.

My children attend state schools. However they are very well rounded, as they are conscientious, well mannered and work hard. They will leave state school with top grades. Their teachers are great but they've also had a lot of support from their mum.