Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

Money.

Private schools aren't long hours - plus they have shorter terms.

Honestly, I think such a disproportionate number of Mners are socially withdrawn, misanthropic, timid and/or anxious , and just seem to struggle so much with ordinary social relationships or scenarios like the school run, making friends, negotiating friendships etc, that they disproportionately fetishise an ‘air of confidence’ and ‘polish’.

In some cases, I imagine they’re hoping private school ‘polish ’ counteracts the odd and anxious scripts about friendships they’re modelling for their children, when the parents would be better off working on their own issues and having a healthy social life with people they value, rather than delegating this to schools.

I think that the most well-rounded children are state school children who have decent extra curriculars and family support.

chucking your child in a private school long hours and letting school do everything doesn’t produce rounded kids, just ones used to institutions and regimes.

One word - entitlement. I don't mean that in a sneery way necessarily, I think it's not so much public school kids are all rounders, but a private education makes them confident they can fit in anywhere they want to and pick up any skills they need to. And generally this is combined with a upbringing that reinforces that - they live in a world where doors are open to them.

@YouTulip
Describing it as an “artificial leg up” presupposes that people should only be allowed to achieve in accordance with natural (genetic?) ability at birth though. Education, particularly years of good education throughout childhood, can improve academic ability. It can literally remould your brain. Education doesn’t artificially improve ability. It actually improves it. The same way someone with little innate musical talent could become a decent pianist with sufficient work and training.

I think due to the smaller class sizes/smaller cohort it basically enforces kids to be a bit kinder to each other as there’s a limited pool of friends.

my dd goes private but previously attended one of the best state schools in the country. It had great facilities etc but she wouldn’t use any of them as the culture of bitchyness and everything being used as leverage for social media was too much.

Having the space where your classmates are a bit more accepting can do wonders for long term confidence.

I've always been a bit against private schools - though in truth we would have struggled to pay the fees. I suppose I've been a bit chippy about other children having opportunities mine didn't, although obviously we did our best within our resources.

But reading the posts on here about primary school children experiencing violence from fellow pupils every day gives me pause. I honestly think if my DC were in that situation, I would be looking to get them out of it. Whatever it took.

This. They don't. Some may be and some may be better at masking.

This is true and I often think this on schools should teach [whatever random topic] threads because at private schools they probably already do. My children seem to benefit greatly from just talking to their teachers about whatever interests them. They often diverge from the curriculum but they learn so much about the world that way.

Hmmm, nope.

I know a lot of very damaged ex private school pupils, myself included, who had horribly dysfunctional family lives & being in that pressure cooker environment just caused even more trauma.

For the ones whose faces 'fit', no matter how academically mediocre or lacking in any artistic talent, it was probably a breeze, but those kids were already at an advantage due to their families' social status.

What private school allows me to do is:

1. Give my SEN DD14 an opportunity to learn in small classes in a small nurturing school because the local secondary is crap, massive class sizes and overwhelming for her.

1. Let my DD have a single sex education as the sexual assault stats in mixed schools are horrendous

1. As a lone working parent it means the extended hours enables me to work the hours expected.

@Kenthighst "polished" is just the money, inclination and time to look after your appearance though?

Agreed with the poster above....I've never heard anyone describe anyone who is privately educated as 'well-rounded' in fact quite the opposite!

Everyone I know who has been to private school (I seem to know a lot) either their kids failed grammar school exams, or have SEN, or the parents are wealthy and that's what you do because the parents (no more well-rounded than anyone else) had been privately educated or parents wanted to not have to parent their children (boarding school).

Most the blokes I know who went to private school haven't grown up emotionally, got very well paid but dull jobs though which I guess was important to them?

It's the parents. Plus having money to facilitate.

In my experience, there is no real difference between privately educated kids and state educated kids once you have accounted for differences in family background.

I think there’s a slightly different attitude to learning - we’ve done both state and private. The private schools didn’t seem constrained by curriculum in the same way and were weirdly much less hung up on results so time was made for other stuff. I was really disappointed at our state sixth form when DS was discouraged from doing an extra A-level as he “didn’t need it”. The private 6th form encouraged him to learn for the sake of learning - not what he ‘needed’.

I don't think they do. Money however enables you to cover up dysfunctional behaviour more easily.

Excellent response.

I think it’s the lack of exposure to ‘troubled’ children that gives private school kids a confident, sunny disposition. Once you’ve been to state school and you’ve had classmates parents die from drugs overdoses or you know people living in extreme poverty it gives kids a bit of gritty realism which somewhat dents their optimism.

Is this really what people think? Some of my classmates at my private school are now some of the most dysfunctional people I know!

The reason some parents pay for. A private education are:

• Smaller class sizes so more one on one attention from teachers
• Probably no disruptive children so a more peaceful and pleasant environment for all
• More specialist teaching from a much younger age, in music, languages, sport, computers
• More extra curricular clubs offered - dance, gymnastics etc
• Better facilities - many schools have their own pool
• many wouldn't say this but they also don't want their children to mix with what they perceive as "rough" children, so no "bad influences"