Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

Being 'confident and polished' does not make you well rounded - jeez

Well rounded?! Are you having a fecking laff!

No, that wasn't quite what I meant. Grammar schools would become less cut-throat, because there would be enough places to go around, and less driven by how much parents can pay for private tutoring coming up to the 11+, so places wouldn't be all snapped up by children with well off parents. But a LOT of the parents I know at my childrens' (selective) private school struggle with the fees, and would be ecstatic if they could access grammar schools. I do understand the logic of discontinuing them, but I believe it drove a deeper divide in between economic classes by giving oxygen to private education, that could be solved by bringing them back but in sufficient numbers (50/50).

And okay yes, you're quite right - indies wouldn't disappear overnight, because as you say, there will still be the parents of less competitive kids who would prefer a non-selective fee-paying environment. But they really are in the minority of private school children, I think. At least where I live.

Good post, @FaiIureToLunch, I think you put it really well.

It is really noticeable at my DC's state school that those children who take advantage of the extracurricular stuff (thereby becoming "better-rounded") are almost always those from the better-off (and usually white) families who are already advantaged.

I think its the class sizes.

Public schools have a huge number per class - my DS has 32 in his class. You will find private schools have under 20 children to a class and have more 1-1 time.

There may also be stricter parenting when it comes to academics as there is a reputation to uphold.

Tiny class sizes, first class resources, longer school day.

Not surprising really. Money can buy a lot.

Both.
Zero tolerance behaviour policies with parent contract to reinforce.
My DS automatically shakes hands, holds doors open, is polite in social situations. It is what we expect of him but has been robustly reinforced at school.
One thing I did notice was the willingness to support pupils. Simple things, DS left his shoes in the sports changing rooms ( half a mile from school) one of the sports teachers spotted him in trainers in his way through town, asked him where his shoes were and told him he would bring them back to school at lunchtime. It saved DS a detention for none uniform since he wasn’t a serial offender.
It’s the small things like this and direct email access to form tutors and other staff that make a big difference.
It’s easy to teach children kindness & respect by demonstrating it on a daily basis.
Bullying is a problem but on the whole pupils are confident to call out bullies on a peer to peer level thereby avoiding being labelled as a whistle blower.

@Smoor I do see what you mean, but I think that bashing private schools (and full disclosure - my kids go to a private school!) shifts the blame away from the government's strategy of starving state schools. Children who go to state schools are being artificially disadvantaged, if you will, by having basic provision removed or at least chipped away at year after year.

Even within the state system, poorer children are disadvantaged compared to more economically advantaged ones, who will get the extra tutoring, the bedroom to themselves for doing their homework in peace, the parents who went to university who can help them do their homework, or own a piano etc. You shouldn't NEED all that to get decent outcomes - it should all come within the core state school offering.

You start off with money. Money is magic. it lowers stress levels and there’s no overhearing of stress bills debt payday loans. No matter what sort of stress levels on the home it’s lowered when there’s food on the table and little for kids to worry about.

Then the fact that parents are nearly always married, I imagine in a divorce, private education is difficult to maintain. I don’t think there are any divorced couples in my son’s class at prep. So more stability.

then you have endless gym / pe - multiple times a week. House points, house captains, clear discipline and that’s the teamwork ethic sorted. Tick.

Ditto music and music appreciation. public speaking. Debate. Compulsory and rigorous. Peer pressure to participate. Confidence acquired. Tick.

Small classes and frequent parents nights (termly) then you have the fact that you get hauled up to school if you’re not bothering academically. plus more peer pressure to do well. It’s not cool to not bother.

So it’s not that they churn out well rounded people so much as the cohort starts off being lucky confident secure and supported.

I’ll be honest, I’d move house before I’d have to take my son out of private school but I am PAINFULLY aware that this is the standard of education that is closed to most children. However he is highly disadvantaged due to his SEN to in my eyes I am trying to shore
him up. He will not find adult life easy.

If that's the only choice, its the parents - they chose to put their child in private and make the sacrifices to do so and the school helps achieve the goals the parents want, which is what you pay for and as the kids around like goal minded people they push to the top of those goals.

Not in the ways the PP was saying ie unable to cook/do own washing etc. That's just to do with crap parenting and not preparing your child to be independent and isn't limited to private school kids.

@jeaux90 I'm glad I'm not the only single parent who relies heavily on our independent school because I am a lone mum with no family support. Without the school I would have been fired long ago.
When I need to travel overnight for my job, the school steps in. When I needed surgery the school stepped in. When I am stuck on a closed motorway or a broken down train I call the school and they provide cover. As a single mum they are my safety net. Without them I could not keep my career.
Private school is not about snobbery or advantage for me. I can rely on them because there is no one else. I'm more grateful to them than I can say.
They also do a great job of teaching my ds. 🙂

In my experience, in the real world, private schooling does not equal a more well rounded person at all. Not even close.

Smaller class size. Very little bad behaviour so teachers actually spend time teaching. Teachers with a graduate specialism in the subject they teach. Teachers with very good social skills. Debate clubs. Riding. Fencing. Rowing. Just all round top class sport facilities. Mandarin and Latin taught to A Level alongside traditional MFL. Amazing school trips that are often overseas in places like Argentina or Iceland. Extremely good networking opportunities. Exam results that are much better than Kent grammar school system.

But that's just my experience of private school.

ps, many many drug problems too amongst year group, thanks to negligent ( but in a posh way) parenting and abundant funds

what private school does do is seem to up confidence - add this to huge amounts of money and connections and you will see why people present as exceptionally ‘well rounded’ - at least on a superficial level

@twistyizzy Of course private school children are more sheltered and pampered - that is the very definition of going to private school.

You're reinforcing my point. It is absolutely an artificial leg up in the current education system.

I meet a lot of privately educated young people and I am not sure I would describe them as better-rounded than anybody else. Yes, there is often confidence/charm, but this can sometimes be superficial and not as persuasive as the young person thinks it is! I think young people who have been state-educated, especially those who have been to schools with a social mix, tend to be more self-aware and certainly have a better grasp of what is going on beyond the middle-class bubble.

I went to a top boarding school, out of my combined year group of 100 people ( more or less if you count up every person that every arrived our year or left / expelled) there have been no less then 3 suicides ( I left school 14 years ago)

in the year below me, similar size; there has already been a suicide and two in the year below that. Year above just had a recent suicide.

These figures do not in any way fit the national average, it’s absolutely shocking. Oh, and one of the suicides in our year was announced as ‘an accident’ - the mode of death could only have been suicide. All others confirmed as suicides… but not ‘advertised as such’ ie, “we are sad ti announce ‘X’ suddenly died” is written in the paper

Surely this can’t just be our school, I think there is a silent curse on boarding schools that are ‘covered up’ and only the huge successes announced ( of course there are many as the stakes are so staked up in favour).

manybe it’s anecdotal but it’s shocking. Oh, and the other years above two drugs deaths and two other suicide I know about. Add those up and consider the relatively small year group and the fact we graduated between 12-18 years ago ( so still Young) it’s shocking amount of deaths. I am only counting ‘deaths’ from people immediately known at school. Also, I wonder how many there were in times pre social media, as now we can be ‘informed’ .. would not be surprised if there is a silent but serious amount especially among private boarding schools

Hilarity not fragility. Laughable that you can label 1000s of kids with those characteristics. Same as saying state school kids do tend to be more violent and demonstrate more anti social behaviour.
Both are untrue and ridiculous. You can't base the behavioural characteristics of 1 or 2 people on a whole section of society.

It's a discussion forum, not a police interview. Your fragility is showing.

Evidence for "Private school kids do tend to be more sheltered and pampered, and it shows" please. Actually evidence, not just 1 or 2 through anecdotal stories?

In short; the kids who used the facilities were perceived to be social outcasts and ostracised.
If others didn't follow the party line they would also receive the same.

Being part of clubs etc runs the risk of photos being taken or awards being given in school- which result in said photos being scathingly shared on social media or sneaky pictures taken in school to ridicule.

In short, I believe that the size of the school (1500 plus) afforded just enough anonymity whereby the majority didn't feel that they were accountable for their behaviour.

It's one of the top 10 schools in Scotland yet has a piss-poor offering of extra-curriculars/chances to build a school community because the student cohort are so hell-bent on undermining each other for cheap kicks.

Bugger - I've been outed 🤣

I think it's unlikely they're all boarding school kids tbh. Private school kids do tend to be more sheltered and pampered, and it shows.