Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

But none of these are things that parents can't easily facilitate, if they have the money to do so.

Most of the adults I know who went to private school are detached from their parents and took way too many drugs in their youth. But they were borders at very high end schools.

Good grief, what is 'well rounded'?

Maybe it's a euphemism for 'well-padded', despite the OP's claim that she's seen no overweight kids at her local private schools. Perhaps they manage out puppyfat.

I think it depends on what you define as well rounded. My experience private school kids get more exposure to: art, music, literature, sports, finance, etiquette, food and drink, other cultures, etc. which in my mind makes them more well rounded individuals.

Good grief, what is 'well rounded'?

My daughter went to a massive comp in a rough area. She left with 3 GCSE's. She can talk to anyone and has been offered literally every single job she's ever interviewed for. Her first job at 18 was working in a men's remand prison running a clinic as an HCA, dealing with some of the most troubled people imaginable. Her next job at 19 was in a maternity unit, where she had experiences like supporting postnatal patients with psychotic disorders, and women who'd just delivered a stillborn baby. I went to a private school. A boarding school actually. I hadn't half the social confidence or the nous my daughter had at 18 and would have been completely unable to deal with the things my daughter has taken in her stride as a teenager in employment. And my private school was awash with people with eating disorders, emerging substance abuse, and terrible relationships with their parents.

Don't mistake articulateness, a posh accent and a sense of entitlement for being 'well rounded'.

How can only mixing with privileged wealthy children at school make them more well rounded?

There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start.

It's shit that you were bullied, obviously, but you were not bullied because you were at a state school. Neither were you bullied because your parents were ideologically opposed to private education. You were bullied because you were unfortunate enough to cross the path of bullies, and the authority figures didn't do enough to help.

Private schools are not immune from bullying. Neither do they magically instill self-confidence.

My children all went to decent Grammar Schools where they were educated with intelligent aspiring children. Definitely higher achievements if the class mates are well behaved, competitive and confident.

There's no doubt that money makes a big difference, but take two children at private/public school with monied parents - one set of parents are abusive, one not, and the child with the abusive parents will struggle much more than children at a standard state school with interested, supportive parents.

Some wealthy parents use boarding school as the alternative to putting their child in care.

Back in the 70s and 80s, some boarding schools were worse than state children's homes.

The outcomes for one or two of my peers whose wealthy parents were in the abusive category have not been good.

You spelled "entitled" wrong.

My experience from both state and private with my DC.

Private expected a lot of academic learning was expected to be done and solidified outside the school (more homework, tutoring from reception, etc was rampant). They didn't really teach but checked the knowledge.

The above freed up time to do a lot of other "enriching activities" - properly rehearsed and costumed school plays, multiple school trips, age-appropriate talks at school starting from, again, reception.

Theatrics around raising caps and shaking hands, straight backs, looking into eyes, etc. Children were very confident and not afraid of talking to teachers "as equals".

And then, the huge factor were families who had all additional holidays and means to take children abroad, pay for all extracurriculars ,and so on.

State school - the teachers were actually teaching the "hard and boring stuff" and not outsourcing that to parents and tutors.

The distance between teachers, headteachers and children was huge, and seemed a bit condescending.

Commenting on children in the presence of children was a norm (in our PS they would never criticise the child in front of parents).

Miraculous how much the school could do and organise given the funding constraint. I am truly impressed.

Parent involvement was definitely less, e.g. few very involved and active parents, many were MIA, silent class WhatsApp and so on.

As a bottom line, as a pure academic investment I don't see a point paying for primary private school . I wasn't clear re what we were paying for.

In terms of "everything else", yes, private was great and I can see how social confidence and ability to speak about anything to anyone is created.

They are at a huge advantage with parents who can afford to pay the fees ,have good jobs/education themselves and small class sizes to boot.Win Win really.Less advantaged children are bright as well but dont accomplish the same level of confidence generally

My daughter’s private school friends are quite an anxious and neurotic bunch. Not self-harming, no eating disorders or drugs, but general overthinking and self-criticism (wish they had this private school confidence I hear about). Is there less anxiety amongst state school kids do people think?

This thread has made me realise that we did private school ‘wrong’. My husband doesn’t cycle. I eat lots of processed food, don’t exercise and enjoy evenings watching trash on Netflix. And both our private school progeny, while being kind, funny and down to earth types, don’t play music at a high level or attend debating societies and have the sporting aptitude of a Cadbury’s creme egg.

They haven’t met my teenage daughter ;-)

Yep, and totally inaccurate too.

What an ignorant generalisation.

I'm afraid private schools are not immune to bullying, and many may have less good pastoral care than many state schools.

Lol. Some of the most fucked up, miserable people I've ever met went to private schools.

The idea that they all have a "sunny disposition" is laughable. I first encountered privately educated people en masse when I was at university. I was really taken aback by the number of people with eating disorders, self-harm habits, drug problems etc. I hadn't really mixed with people like that at my state comp.

I went to a private school back when the government still paid money to allow ‘disadvantaged’ children to attend. There were rich people there, but there were also many, many children from averagely well-off families and some from families who clearly had less money (mine included).

No-one was dysfunctional 🙄 We could all cook, sew, do woodwork, IT, do car maintenance, etc etc, and yes, I do think it turned out well-rounded, confident children. That was to do with the quality of teaching and the wide curriculum. It was a caring environment where the staff gave up their time to provide clubs, both at lunch time and after school. It also looked after children in family emergencies, and was a nice community that made students feel safe and valued.

chucking your child in a private school long hours and letting school do everything doesn’t produce rounded kids, just ones used to institutions and regimes.

I've taught in state schools and private schools. Private day schools don't necessarily have longer hours than state schools. A state school is an institution and has regimes just as much as a private school. In fact arguably more so. State schools tend to be more regimented because they have to be. I'm not saying that behaviour is always amazing at private schools, but it's much easier to just kick a student out of a private school if they don't toe the line.

As usual, a thread brimming with stereotypes.

I think it is probably a certain kind of parenting that leads to ‘polish’. Although private schools do often make kids feel that they can achieve whatever they wish to do. This could be a bad or good thing.

I have friends from private and state schools, as do my kids. I honestly cannot tell the difference.

Private school kids have a sunny disposition?! Since when?

I attended a state school in an affluent area. My parents were well-off but do not believe in private schools. I was bullied so horrendously throughout my years at the school. The teachers did absolutely f' all, I was miserable and I truanted from my lessons to avoid the bullying. Nobody cared at all, I didn't achieve my predicted grades and I have struggled throughout my life with self confidence. If I ever decide to become a parent, I will be sending them to private schools.

Not necessarily. I went to a private selective school in East London. However my brothers and the local kids I played with were state school educated. I therefore mixed with both private and state school kids and lived in a roughish area. Oh and my family weren't rich I had a scholarship. They couldn't have afforded the fees. I'm the daughter of a postman and shop worker