Aibu to wonder why private schools produce more "well rounded" children? Is it the school or the parents?

I suspect you're seeing what you want to see. I know plenty of young people from both state and private schools, including some pretty big name schools.

There can be a veneer of confidence amongst the privately educated ones, I agree, but scratch beneath the surface and you soon find that it is very superficial. On average, I certainly wouldn't say that they're any happier or better conversationally. To be honest, I see no significant difference between any of them, they're just very ordinary teenagers. Perfectly nice kids but nothing out of the ordinary at all.

I understand that private school parents may have all sorts of motivations for sending their kids to independent schools, and many of those reasons are perfectly rational. But parents who believe that private schools are somehow going to make their kids happier and somehow superior to state school kids are frankly delusional. They're wasting their money!

Imagine if someone commented that common people mix with other common people so they have no idea how uncouth and ghastly they are 🙄

I think the most important thing in a child’s life is at least one, motivated, dedicated parent who never lets them down. A child with this, attending state school will do better than a child without that attending private school.

Hear, hear.

friends & family whose children are presently at private schools compared with those not I completely concur, the youngsters do seem much happier, more self confident, better conversationally and seem to have much more going on extra-curricularly. I’ve very much sold on the benefit.

Was thinking this. And the little charmers at Eton shouting racial, misogynistic abuse at black girls at a lecture.

For balance, my (lovely) husband was privately educated (and my DC will be if he has his own way)…

‘Who says they do produce more well-rounded children? I don't even agree with the question.

Sounds like class discrimination talking.’

yup, snobby bullshit. I come from somewhere with almost no private schools, 99% of kids go to state school.
So we supposed to assume than 1.5million people aren’t well rounded or successful?

No, they shouldn't criticise people who are prepared to do a job that they won't do themselves.

That's absurd. So you think it's unreasonable for anyone to point out that anyone in any job is doing their job poorly unless you then immediately quit your own job and go and do theirs instead?

I have four kids, all attended private school on almost full burseries. They do not come from a privileged background at all, a lot of addiction issues within the family, several family members in jail, dad not in the picture. I have been very consistent in their life (obviously) I have no issues so they have had one good parent.

They are all well spoken, well educated, confident and well rounded. They fit in without any issues whatsoever, they have lots of friends and are “popular” within their year groups.

I think the most important thing in a child’s life is at least one, motivated, dedicated parent who never lets them down. A child with this, attending state school will do better than a child without that attending private school.

However, there is absolutely no getting away from what small class sizes, dedicated teachers, discipline, clubs, sports and no disruptive children will do for a child.

I do not think my children would be the way they are and have achieved what they have without attending private school.

I can fully relate to that. Exactly my experience too. Also by not going to school with the other kids in my neighbourhood, we lost a lot of local friends and connections.

I work in a private school (non UK) and my DS just moved to (UK) private school after working in a very underfunded state school for 15 years.

I would say it's a bit of both. You do have more resources, more space, smaller classes and you can usually expect two types of parents. Those who pay for you to do everything so that they don't have to, and those who pay because they want their child to have a great education and can afford to. The second are usually very involved in the schooling of their child.

I also have a third type of parent, expats whose child did not fit into the local system, and these are usually eternally grateful that their child is just happy to go to a school...

We both work in primary, so no comment on other sections.

My beef wouldn't be with the private schools. My energy would be going in the direction of the politicians who have stripped the UK school system bare. It's shameful. Uk state schools are brilliant and have been global leaders in their child centered approach, but now they have no money, are being given even less now, plus more and more demands put on the teachers (who of course put their hands in their pockets, because if they don't, it is the kids who suffer....)

Shall get off my soapbox now. Bloody government.

You sound pretty ghastly, too

All my privately educated friends are really fucked up, including my brother who can’t talk to the opposite sex at all and is basically a recluse. I wouldn’t call him an all -rounder, a misfit maybe and a weirdo . My other close friend was sexually abused by his teacher over a number of years, he’s also not an all-rounder, he can’t function in normal society anymore as he’s completely traumatised by his private schooling.

Yeah I was gonna say... My mum always used to tell the story of a girl who would lock other children in cupboards at her elite private school. The kids seem more deranged than anyone I encountered at my nice comprehensive school

Both posts are as bad as the other- snobbery and inverted snobbery

There was a fab documentary style programme on this a while ago in the UK, where 3 pupils from private schools and their headteacher did a week at state school and then 3 pupils from the state school and their head did a week at the private boarding school.
The state school head basically surmises that there's a lot of factors, and the main ones were; that the parents are all highly invested in the education, making sure homework is done etc; that largely private schools have a much higher level of time with their pupils to offer extra curricular stuff; that the children had very consistent structure (phones were confiscated at 10pm, and given back in the morning), including good healthy food, a solid time for sleep with no distractions and plenty of outdoor time and exercise, so the school experience went far beyond the classroom and was really consistent; and that there were lots of small opportunities that built up their confidence and built skills in networking etc (the pupils all attended a 'history society dinner', where they were sat with older Alevel pupils and teachers). The state pupils also note that the atmosphere is peaceful and the private pupils don't really mess about and its like, expected to try hard and do well, and that no one is teased for it like at their school.

In my private independent school we had a number of advantages including TWO teachers being convicted for paedophilia. More per child than the state system.

We were not more well-rounded because we received a single sex education, not mixed so by not integrating with the other 50% of society it was impossible to be well rounded.

For me it includes both, and more. Well rounded means everything in my eyes. The well rounded OP id focussing on just seems to be the immediate benefits of the school, not how those people present once they leave it.

Does that apply to all walks of life? Or just useless, dishonest politicians?

My kids went to local schools up to A level.
One knocked out with bully with tennis racquet. 3Weeks of tennis, 3 weeks of cricket. Not long enough to learn the rules and even how to play
No clue about music, blobs on a line: never mentioned.
All the time dragged down by as someone up-thread said 'the riffraff' and thickos who effectively set the pace for the school.
We could not afford anything else. Local Authority Education is poor.

Some wealthy parents use boarding school as the alternative to putting their child in care.

@Charlingspont you are spot on, when my dad left my mum to die of cancer he dumped me in boarding school so he could gallavant around the world & party with the rich & shameless with his much younger trophy wife.

These are massive generalisations. I’ve been teaching for 30 years and started in state and moved to private. There’s an enormous difference between boarding schools such as Uppingham, Eton, Marlborough etc and small independent day schools. The independent school I taught in in London had a very diverse group of students and really wasn’t posh. Some schools like Manchester Grammar have massive bursary provision.