To love but not like my adult son.

Even if you wanted to house and support him through his last year of college, I don't understand how this translates to 'I cook for him, make his lunch, do his washing, clean up after him for no thanks' etc? He can do his own chores, no?

You absolutely do NOT have to do his washing, genuine wtf, you shouldn't be touching anything that's touched your 24 year old's willy!

Also I know these sound like exhausting suggestions, but I understand the struggle of not wanting to exclude him from family meals etc – so do a cooking (or cooking assistant) rota. If he doesn't cook/help cook on that day you all get takeout without him. Use colour coded dishes & cutlery (just make it a fun/casual thing) so everyone does their own dishes if you don't have a dishwasher. Etc.

Otherwise, you're really just reinforcing his view that women (and his mum and sisters) exist to be his slaves.

I'm glad you're not my mum you sound awful

No bashing here - time to leave home and make own way in life.

He's living in your home. You still have an impact on who he turns out to be while he is there.

Why you choose to pander to him and complain on here baffles me. Focus on educating him.

First, have a chat with him. Explain his attitude is one held by weak losers. No one who is truly self-confident feels the need to put others down. Explain you have no respect for that attitude and ask if he is truly happy pretending he can't cope with running his own life efficiently, with this learned helplessness, masked by scorn, which is leading people who love him to re-evaluate him and lose respect and affection for him. Does he truly think that is empowering?

Tell him you have self respect and you chose from now on never to go out of your way for anyone who treats you with disrespect. So he needs to learn how to cook, clean up after himself, do his own laundry and you will show him how if he asks you with respect. But you won't do it for him.

If he likes books about management and power, show him the self-empowerment book Make Your Bed by Special Ops US Navy Admiral William McRaven. They don't come more macho than him, but he knows self discipline and his sure enough of his own masculinity not to think his willy will shrink if he tidies up after himself!

If after two weeks, he has made no progress, drop him at his dad's.

I know this so hard to hear but you are indeed responsible at least for part of how he behaves . Tell him to leave , he is 24 , I had a 5 year old at that age , I worked , I studied and I took care of my child . If you keep on doing things for him it will only get worse . He sounds like a clinical narcissist and he will never have any respect for any of you because he is above anyone else .
personally I would kick him out , give him a month to find a place to leave , change the locks .

And because you've not nipped this thinking in the bud. He may spend weekends with his dad but he clearly has spent more time with you, so I'm not sure why you haven't used your influence to demonstrate how unacceptable his 'Andrew Tate' thinking is. Children are a product of their parents, what have you done to teach him about respect and acceptable behaviour?

The first thing to do is to STOP cooking for him or doing any laundry etc. He's 24, he can be independent.

If he truly won't change he needs to move out.

I am going against the grain and saying I don't think the OP should boot him out right now. And I do think it is possible to be a dick at 24 and a reasonable human being by 30.
Realistically his last year at college could he spent altering his behaviour at home. Starting with the most annoying things you want him to change - and the ones that are easy to implement. No doing his laundry or lunches is easy, because it's something you do so you have control (unlike say him doing dishes).
I wouldn't underestimate the impact of living with his depressed and anxious father for a year; or the possibility that he may have some genetic predisposition to this himself.

He’s an adult, kick him out. He can go live with his beloved dad.

You can’t change your son’s behaviour but you can change your approach to his awful behaviour. He thinks women are stupid, dumb and to be publicly disrespected and he thinks he has a right to impose his standards on you in YOUR home.
So what’s got to change? Probably it’s his presence in YOUR home. No adult should be cleaning up after another able bodied adult. No adult should be listening to his verbal assaults (because that’s what they are) and offering him board and lodgings. Who does he think he’s talking to? Your son needs to learn to be cordial, well mannered and self disciplined and btw if he aspires to a management role, the first step will be in managing his own behaviour. Hes not going to learn these skills in your home. You’ve felt v overwhelmed and you’ve tolerated a lot and his useless father has been a hopeless role model.
Btw it’s your son’s choice to ‘model’ himself on darling Daddy. He could just as easily chosen to admire you and the good life that you have built for him and his sisters. So you need to grow a backbone where NO doesn’t mean ‘yes you can crap all over me and make me feel awful and I’ll tolerate it ’. NO means ‘I’m not putting up with this anymore and Ive told you for the last time, there are consequences for YOU’.
No one else can do this because others aren’t as severely affected by his loutish behaviour, so shoulders back, deep breaths and get him out of the house.
He needs to leave and acquire some real life experience and if talking about “down sizing” is your way of broaching the subject so be it…otherwise you fix a time (don’t tell him in advance) and sit down with him and your husband, and tell him it’s over and fix a date for his departure. Don’t argue with him, he doesn’t have an equal say ….grown ups pay for their own board and lodgings and follow the house rules. It will be daunting doing this, but it’s got to be done for his sake, otherwise you’ll have aided and abetted another misogynist into thinking women are serfs. He won’t like what you say, he will be abusive and disrespectful and that’s why he needs to put his big boy pants on and live somewhere else. You still love him, that’s not the issue, it’s his awful lazy arrogance and misogyny which is the issue.
Wishing you well xxx

I agree with this. And I think op may be in a little bit of a co dependent relationship.
Maybe some therapy will help you with that op and the inevitable guilt you will feel when he goes and maybe doesn't contact you.
I think if kicking him out is too hard start with small steps. Stop doing his washing. Don't cook for him make enough for you and dh and the girls. Keep food in your room if you need to maybe keep some out so he can learn to cook somethings for himself.
Text communication and then grey rock anything else. If he is rude or disrespectful to you.
State your boundaries in a firm way. " I won't tolerate you talking to me like that". Then walk away, leave house if necessary.
Then when you feel stronger offer him information on where to find local renting information, any student support text him and verbally tell him he has three months to locate a new residence.
Good luck op, you have done your best op. He needs to stand by himself now.

Sorry to say but you are enabling his awful behaviour and setting a terrible example
for your two daughters who see a man treating a woman (you) appallingly and still being waited on hand foot and fingernail. You need to throw him out, he is a grown man and a spell at the university of life will do him the world of good. You never know, he might change and apologise for all this one day.

I'm autistic too and have no problems finding men who want to shag me.

I am sure I am saying what everyone else has but don't let him live with you and stop being his personal servant.

You do realise that you are confirming his misogynistic views about women? That he can treat them as obnoxiously as he likes? And they will put up with it?

Well they have to try and find some reason why women won't shag them, it can't be because they're an arsehole can it!

Kick him out. He’s 24 not 12. Let him see that the grass is not greener and he can stand on his own 2 feet. Or see if his dad copes with the mess

@Pookie2022 Me too. My brother was 46 when mum died and had never had a job for more than four days. (Despite qualifications and extra training.) He expected me to be Mum #2 when she died and was aggressive and demanding despite me asserting my stand that I was not going to play that game as I have my own kids. I had to block him as he scared them as well as me and have been no contact for about seven years. He harasses other family members who get fed up with it and then try and pass the buck to me. They are always told that if they want to buy into the “Poor D” narrative instead of accepting that he’s a dick, then they can deal with it. He is not my responsibility. He’s over 50 and has more money and support than anyone I have ever met. (Like his wife, for example.)

I think 'self reported' is key there.

Replying to pinkdaffodils900 - there is LOADS of evidence that autistic men are much more likely to be incels. Google the peer reviewed study
'Recent research has drawn attention to the prevalence of self-reported autism within online communities of involuntary celibates (incels).'

Incels are THIRTY times more likely to be autistic. Just google it!
If everyone's in denial about this, nothing is going to change.

Send him to live with his dad. You’re no longer required to keep a roof over his head, so show him the door.

No, sorry, you being autistic doesn't mean this is an okay thing to say about autism in general. There is no evidence to support this. If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

OP that sounds so rough, I'm sorry. I agree with everyone else saying you need to stop doing his cooking and cleaning, at the very least.

Jake Davison springs to mind.

Go into Town NOW!!!!!!
Buy Suitcases, (plus packing boxes.)
Take them Home.
** This guy needs A SHOCK so Wait till hes out for the day ( or night)
Go in his Room
Pack all his stuff.
Dismantle his Bedstead.
Take down the window blinds.
Put a few boxes on the front Lawn
* If you have time get a Locksmith to fit a Lock on his door and Lock it ( don't give him key )
When he returns DONT let him in.

If you are going to continue to let him live with you, then you still need to stop looking after him. He can clean his own clothes and cook his own meals at the very least. Don't back down on it even if he chooses not too initially. His clothes will soon stink and he will be hungry so he will start to do it himself. You have done your part, but he is now a grown adult who can look after himself. Personally collage or not I would be telling him to move out.

I mean... the man is 24 years old. I'd really struggle having someone in my space that disrespected my home and family like that.

Maybe throw him a bit of cash and tell him as nicely as possible that it's time to leave the nest and make his own way... And if he doesn't like it, he can ask his hero dad to put him up instead.