To love but not like my adult son.

Students who live away have to do their own laundry etc, stop that at once.
Stand up to him. It might be too late for him but show your daughters that it is not ok to be in this situation and let it continue.

Fuck him out.

Why are you putting up with this? Tell him to try his dad that he idolises so much.

OP, you need to radically shift your expectations of him in more ways than one. You need to (sadly) downgrade your expectations of the relationship you (and your husband/daughters) have with him, and kick up a gear in terms of your expectations of his behaviour. You cannot control whether he laughs at you, mocks you, respects you, you can control alot of other things.

I would start by sitting down with your DH and deciding together what your expectations are for him. Rent money? Taking care of all his own household tasks himself? Speaking respectfully (even if not warmly) with others in the household, and making amends where that doesn't happen? All of the above would be where I'd start. Draw up a contract, stating your expectations - if he wants to stay he signs it, otherwise he has X time to find a new place. Make sure the contract includes a notice of what the pathway will be if he doesn't adhere to it. Kids (and adults) like these need clarity and dispassionate, de-energised boundaries. Don't communicate through shouting, arguing, complaining, nagging. It places all the burden of his responsibilities onto you (and it seems like you've been taking them on). You need to find a way to make sure his responsibilities are clearly communicated to him, and then leave him to decide whether he wants to live with you or elsewhere.

Oh my goodness, why is he still living at home. He sounds awful and I would be worried about how it is impacting on your daughters. Get him out asap. So sad that he has been so brainwashed by his dad. x

Kick him out? Easy solution 🤷🏼‍♀️

By allowing him to stay with you and treat you and the other family members like that you are unconsciously reinforcing to
him that his attitudes and behaviour are acceptable. He needs to learn quickly that these attitudes and behaviour have consequences. I would be asking him to move out and telling him why. Say you love him but don’t like his attitudes and approach. I wouldn’t want my daughters being exposed to that thinking it was normal and if he is to get anywhere in life in work and have a partner he needs to learn the hard way.

He can go and live with his amazing mysoginistic dad.

Why in Gods name are you cooking for him, doing his washing and cleaning up after him!??! All you are doing is reinforcing his views of women catering to him, stop it now!

I feel sorry for your husband having yo put up with such a monster as a step child, I would of left you by now.
It's not a healthy environment for your girls either, this charade will become learned behaviour for your girls.
Kick him out to live with his father, let it be his problem, if he won't have him, kick him out anyway. He's a grown man not your problem anymore

This!
If you tell him hes got 1 wk /1 month to move out I doubt he would take you seriously.
Locks changed, clothes in bags and off he goes to daddys/ sofa surf whatever. He wants to be an alpha male…stop hanging on mummy apron strings- GET OUT.

She said she split from his dad over 20 years ago, her DH isn't the father she's referring to.

I think he learnt most of his ways from his dad who had him every weekend growing up, he too hates woman.

Children learn from both of their parents.

I cook for him, make his lunch, do his washing, clean up after him for no thanks

Showing you respect is of no benefit to him because you do whatever he needs anyway.

Sorry, but anyone who openly and clearly hates women, would NOT be living with my teenage daughters.

Honestly? He sounds like a grade A knobhead, and you're currently doing him no favours.
He's 24. It's time to grow up, taste the real world, and see how far his twattish beliefs get him then.

It sounds like his stepmom isn't a doormat and won't put up with his nonsense. You need to do the same. He is 24, not 14.

He needs some tough love

He is looking at your update a 100% an incel, you need to chuck him out.

I think he learnt most of his ways from his dad who had him every weekend growing up, he too hates woman.
I think it's too late to try and change him now, he's set in his way and as far as he's concerned he's right about woman and nothing will change his mind.

1. Why do you stay with your DH?
2. Where have you been for the last 24 years?
3. He's not just learnt it from your husband.

Why are you catering to this manchild? My son doesn't behave like this, nor do we cater to him and he's only 17. Chuck him out.

My god, I hate to say this but your son sounds like an incel. Please don't let your daughters have to put up with this shit.

I don't think I'd forgive you if I were your daughter and you made me live with a misogynistic, chauvinistic man like this. He's damaging your relationship with your husband and possibly your future relationships with your daughters.

Please also warn off any woman he gets into a relationship with. Men like this can be dangerous.

Urgh I hate that you’re getting so much ‘this is your own fault’

Its such a shame it’s gone this way. I would stop doing anything that a grown man should be doing for himself. Try and have more of a lodger relationship with him. Or…. Make him go and live with his dad!

Why are you doing chores for him? From 18, or 21 if at uni, he should be buying his own food and cooking for himself as well as cleaning up after himself and if he isn't, he knows where the front door is. He's been mollycoddled and you're part of that.

For a start stop doing his cooking and cleaning, and charge him rent if you don't already, tell him the things he needs to change with his attitude or he will have to seek alternative accomodation. Harsh but his lack of respect is deserving of it and the distance may make him realise what you do for him and make you like him again.

I remember my mum once told me as a teenager she would always love me but at that particular time she didn't like me very much, can't remember what I had done but the truth made me realise I had been a bit of a b and I bucked my ideas up.

@Weonlyhavealoanofit well said, I was going to say much the same.

OP please don't feel guilty! Its all very well saying 'change the locks' but it sounds like he has a long way to go to being a full adult so that transition needs to start now. Make a plan, maybe with increased responsibility for each month leading to a leaving date in a year or so. Ignore his nasty attitude, you can't change that you can only change what you do.

I have a 16 yr old and if he speaks to me aggressively or rudely or doesn't do his daily or weekly chores, I don't make his lunch, give him any lifts or do laundry for a few days, I tell him what's happening and that's the end of it. After a few days we go back to normal and if it happens again I do it again. He learned quickly not to piss me off. Words never worked with him, he would just sneer at me or shout at me, I couldn't make him respect me in any other way but actions. Its very hard and hurtful too so I do get it.

So he has a job and is also attending college? Or he is FT in college again? Its really not clear.

If the former, he can sling his hook.
If it's the latter he gets 30 days to shape up or be homeless.

By accepting this behaviour not only are you accepting his abuse, you are forcing the rest of your family to do so.

Have you thought about the effect that living with someone with such awful opinions of women will have on your daughters?

Tell him to sort his attitude out or get out. Charge him board and for gods sakes stop doing everything for him. You're literally feeding into a misogynistic attitude by, as the woman, doing all the chores.

I would make it quite simple for him, you change your attitude and help out around the house, or you're out.
Hes in college sure, but you can get weekend and evening work that will pay enough to live in a house share.

Literally think of your daughters. It is not healthy for them. You can love someone and not like them.