When did 50/50 become so common?

I agree that some men do try 50/50 to avoid cms, but there are also some decent fathers who just want an active and meaningful role in their children's lives. In my personal experience some years ago I agreed to 50/50 with my child's father (as he was complaining about money I requested etc, and whilst he was fine with the overnights, school runs and making sure our child was fed when under his roof...that was as far as his 50/50 contribution went. I received no financial contribution, and ended up financing everything barring the food eaten by my child whilst at his fathers. I bought all clothing, paid for all activities....and any clubs that fell during fathers time were ignored by father (even though they were all ready paid for). I would have to collect my child, take him to his activities and then return to father after or he would just stay put in his house with our child and pacify him about his missed activity with screen time or computer games. I could have declined to do these things, but my child would have missed out. It couldnt be helped either that some activities (Football matches/training etc) fell during fathers time and not mine. Father also refused to swap days. In the end I was parenting 7 days a week regardless and funding everything, and driving back and forth to fathers (not wanting to be bad cop and cut Childs time with father). When I'd try to discuss the imbalance with father, I'd either get shouted down, or told that "I'm lucky as some dads don't give a shit and don't have their child for up to 3 and a half days". In the end for my own sanity, and to prevent child missing out on activities I just stopped dropping to his father, and made a claim to cms. Father got off his arse in the end (I'm guessing to decrease his cms payments) and now collects our child for 2 nights (that I've decided) via school

It's the best set up for the child

How isn't it beneficial for children to continue to have two actively involved good parents who continue to see them often after a divorce/relationship breakdown? Not just every other week for one parent.

I think 50/50 is for the adults benefit, not the childrens.

@Deathbyfluffy Aha you're getting bitter vibes too 😂 ahh well she'll always have a miserable mind.

Well it is for many of us.
Maybe not you with your particular ex.
But don't talk for others.

If you were any more bitter I think you’d implode 😅

@wherethecrawmumsings of course if I had 2 parents who loved me. Stop assuming stuff for your own shitty view and trying to make good parents feel bad. You sound bitter.

Stop generalising to suit your own world view. I know kids who are old enough to choose, and they choose to spend equal time with both parents. No 'shunting'. They have two stable homes where they feel safe and comfortable. It continued into early adulthood.

My ex absolutely wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. He has more or less said this.

He was never her primary carer, nor was he interested in having more than EOW (plus one extra day per fortnight) until he got a girlfriend who can help with the care.

As a child of divorced parents, I don't think that 50/50 would be a good arrangement for creating a stable family environment for a child.

You'd like it, would you?

Nope.

That's why you've chosen to live in one home while you shunt them around.

Nah they're very happy kids thanks 😊 2 amazing houses full of love.
You however sound miserable.

Poor kids.

Shunted backwards and forwards with no real home.

Horrible.

I see it every day.

They get referred to services for 'anxiety'.

Anxiety caused by no stable home.

God you know some shitty dads OP.
No chance would the dads I know settle for less than 50/50, they love their kids. I love mine, my ex loves them. There was no question of anything other than half each. They need equal time with us.
I can't believe dads not seeing their kids often is preferable for some. I can't imagine eow for myself.
Exception is abusive or negligent men of course

Drip feed? It's not my thread.

Shall we get back to the thread?

Would you like to like 50/50 between two houses?

How do you think that would make you feel?

Well that was quite the drip feed.

Poor fella, you were happily slating him a few minutes ago over his behaviour with no mention of the mitigating factor.

He sustained a head injury a few years ago that affected his emotional range, amongst various other capacities.

What's your point here?

My observation has been that with kids who have a 50/50 situation, it is very common when they get to be teens they settle in one household more or less permanently and then just visit the other.

Sometimes they want the home where they can get away with more, or there is more conflict with one parent. But it's also very often because they get tired of moving between two households. It's not all that easy, emotionally speaking.

But you knowingly put them through having an uninterested father?

Not that my H wanted the kids anyway, he didn't.

And before anyone @@@@ me I work with children and young people and I haven't ever come across any who live in a 50/50 custody arrangement who aren't constantly anxious and feeling without a secure base because of it.

Never, ever in a million years would I put my kids through that.

H and I split last year, he lives 10 minute walk away. DC live here, in their home. With me, the primary caregiver who has always looked after them while H was in his own little world.

They can see each other whenever they like, he just rarely arranges it and the DC ask me to ask him to make arrangements to see them.

Over my dead body would he have 50/50 so he could fucking ignore them and put them through the trauma of living in two different homes.

@Wishitsnows so perhaps we should be working on Fostering better relationships for all so we get the divorce rate down.

You know teach the next generation how to value themselves and those they spend time with.

@Enko yes probably mental health issues have risen for children who do not have divorced parents but with the depression and suicide rates in Scandinavian countries perhaps that way isn’t working for children either.

I don't see how it would ever be best for a child to barely see one of their parents if they are a good, involved parent.

@TheGrimSqueakersFlea. I grew up on EOW equally grim in not feeling I truly belonged anywhere and as an adult a realisation I do not know my father at all. He is 82 we speak on the phone once every 2 weeks for about 15 mins.
I love him. He is my father but I don't have that loving caring bond I watch dh have with our children.

I don't have the bond my father has with my sister and brother who did grow up with him

My brother said last year he doesn't miss our mother she passed 9 years ago. I get it. He didn't grow up with her and EOW doesn't create that bond.