To want my husband to say something about MIL's comments

If you are going to act like dependent children then you shouldn't be surprised if you are treated like children. You should both start by putting up boundaries, including refusing financial handouts as though you were teenagers.

Example 1 - we went to Young V&A with our DDs and when MIL called early afternoon as we were on our way back in the car, we told her what we had been up to. MIL’s response was “you kept them indoors for half the day?!”, DH responds that actually the girls loved it, it was super interactive, we’ll send some pics when we get home. She goes “right, um, are you at least planning to take them to the park later today? They need fresh air! How sad for them to be in a stuffy museum”
You should have laughed and said you'll do park another day. Laughter is very good at stopping this sort of thing. OR state you find it sad that she believes children (or do you have all girls??) shouldn't be educated or have their minds filled with interesting facts.

Example 2 - we were planning to name after my grandma who died during my pregnancy, her name was Arina, and yes I’m from abroad. MIL wouldn’t stop with comments like “at least give it as a middle name… with Wembley as a first name hahaha” (for those from outside UK, Wembley Arena is a massive stadium). And “well she won’t thank you when she’s being bullied” or “and Pitch if he’s a boy, yeah?”
You should have told her it was a family name and you find her comments insulting. DH should have stopped this immediately. Why didn't either of you put that line in the sand right away?

Example 3 - one of my daughters was climbing down from the sofa, she’s done this before successfully many times and I don’t think it’s great parenting to run up to your child any time they’re learning / practicing something and “helping” - they’ll never get the chance to learn or develop muscles! The whole time MIL kept saying “I don’t want to see this” “she’ll fall - do you not care?”
There is a middle ground of being close enough to catch without actually interfering with their progress. Did either of you do that?

But the bottom line is you need to calmly rebutt all her comments OR grey rock OR go low contact yourself and let DH have the "fun" of her little digs.

That's entirely your issue. Refuse. Simple. When he says he enjoys them say, "of course you do. I don't". He can take the girls alone or not go.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too. If you want to be treated with respect like an adult, you have to behave like an adult. OP stop making excuses and get a job to support yourself. If your husband accepts handouts from his mum say “stop accepting handouts as they are allowing your mum to undermine our authority. If you keep accepting them I will leave this marriage” and mean it. Problem solved.

I suspect you won’t follow my advice OP because you want to live a life of luxury and just bitch and whinge about your situation all the time without taking any personal responsibility for getting yourself into/choosing that situation. Think about what a horrible example this is setting for your children. Would you like your children to see you and your husband living like kept children, cowering to the grandmother and taking shit for money?

All the comments that she makes have easy come backs. So just do it.

"Actually maybe I'll go to the adults only section and DH can look after the kids"

"DH don't lift her down, you know she can do that by herself"

"Don't insult my grandmothers name"

etc, etc

You’re not being unreasonable and it seems you’re unfortunately stuck with a mama’s boy.

You’ll have to develop your own coping mechanisms- tell her to butt out, or learn to grey rock.

Those are just very stereotypical MIL type comments. Commenting on the baby’s name, my MIL did this, when we told her the name she said ‘poor child.’ With the example of the park, I would have said ‘of course we’re taking them to the park’. But in reality we put the phone down and say ‘silly old bitch’. My DH is aware of what a snidey cow she can be. I just want to keep the peace, and she’s given us f all. So in your situation where you have been given so so much I would continue to grin and bear it. All her comments are bitchy and unhelpful but she’s not being cruel or nasty as such. As others have said, if you bite back and there’s a fallout, it leaves you in a very awkward situation. It’ll be a case of biting the hand that feeds you.

Keep as far away as possible from her.
Don't volunteer any info, to tell where you are or what you do.
If she says kids need to go yo park, just say "yes"... then do what you want
This is going to be a long ride, so,
be clever

I disagree.

Gifts shouldn’t buy someone a stake in your decision making, however they frequently DO. I am guessing the OP’s partner is fully aware of the transactional element of the relationship with his mum and knows that for things like holidays and cars to continue there is an expectation that you dance to her tune. My guess would be he likes the gifts more than a happy wife.

Wtf?! No, financial gifts absolutely don't buy someone a stake in your decision-making or the right to make intrusive, insulting remarks that undermine you as parents. Your DH needs to talk to her and get some clear boundaries in place. If she won't accept that she needs to be respectful, then I would be having considerably less contact with her.

I don't agree with this. If I give someone a gift it's because I want to. We have given both our children substantial amounts for house deposits and other large purchases. We don't expect them to agree with everything we say and we certainly don't feel entitled to interfere in their parenting decisions or what they named their children.
OP I would try and distance myself a bit from her and do challenge her even if your husband refuses to and ignore her remarks about your parenting

Seeing less of her is the way forward.. Remind dh he isn't married to his dm.
When dc are at an age you feel comfortable with just send them off for visits and stay home /see a friend /do your own thing. No law says you need a relationship with her. But she doesn't want what's best for her dgc if she is stressing their dm out...

So she doesn’t take you on the luxurious holidays mentioned in the first post?

Unfortunately your mistake was made many years ago when you settled down with a mummy's boy who is bankrolled by his parents. It's not within your power to have what you want, which is presumably a husband who has a backbone but also a cordial relationship with an MIL who will continue to financially support you both.

You can't make anybody else do what you want so whilst you can advocate for yourself and your kids, you can't force your husband to do the same and you can't stop MIL being a rude, overbearing nightmare. If you have tried talking to your husband and it's falling on deaf ears, then it looks like you have reached a stalemate. You either accept the marriage and in-laws on these terms or you walk away.

If you're husband is going to be greedy and pathetic, then it's down to you to challenge her. You've nothing to lose, frankly. Though I'm in agreement that her comments are relatively benign compared to a lot of the MILstories on Mumsnet. Irritating rather than abusive.

Then you'll have to either get your dh to speak up and set boundaries or put your big girl pants on and manage it yourself. You are both reinforcing the needy parent/child dynamic by not standing on your own two feet.

I agree that the money isn't the only thing. OP, every suggestion on here, your reaction has basically been powerless and resigned. WOMAN UP. Set your boundaries and stick to them. You can't change him but you can be less wet about it.

I’m not sure you can want to be respected for being intelligent and independent if you are not working and a SAHM on her money and are taking cars, holidays and other gifts.

If you and your partner can’t afford the lifestyle that you want and don’t want to have to listen to her comments then you need to go back to work.

Im hoping I’ve been suckered into a reverse or troll post here.

If you don't want the comments and your husband won't say anything then you'll have to. Tell her you know she means well but you find her constant criticisms emotionally exhausting and they're wearing down your self esteem. Tell her you'd find it easier to accept her 'advice' if she also made positive comments about your mothering but it's too skewed towards the negative.

You have nothing to lose because you don't want or need her gifts so she can't bribe you even if that works with your DH.

Just ignore the comments and do what you want anyway. Let it wash over you. I know it’s annoying but you’re letting her get to you. Just pretend she didn’t say it and carry on as you would.

Then you'll have to either get your dh to speak up and set boundaries or put your big girl pants on and manage it yourself. You are both reinforcing the needy parent/child dynamic by not standing on your own two feet.

So she's "bought" you and your family and have infantalised you both by doing so and she thinks she can tell you how to run your family? If the elder son is lower contact he probably has it right. In my minds eye I envisage her as the Dowager Countess of Grantham from Downton Abbey 😂

Maybe get back to work and sort out accommodation elsewhere so you can both be more independent and less beholden to her. Otherwise you'll have to put up and shut up as I doubt she'll take well to any reasonable feedback from your DH (who needs to stand up to her).

OK so you tell DH that you are uncomfortable with the current communication. You won't be going on any more holidays with MIL. You won't be entertaining any more helpful suggestions and you will be ignoring it all at best. Because most of her suggestions seem benign (a trip to the park is lovely) you'll stop there. But any actively harmful stuff you will say something.

What I said to DH about FIL was, "if he emotionally harms my child, he will never set foot in this house again" and I meant it. FIL behaved (because he knew I meant it) and we have a truce. But he doesn't pay for cars and holidays!

So why are you accepting all this help? You've got your own house and your own savings, and you can get a job.

Seriously, you both need to cut the cord and live like adults.