DH always really angry when I'm unwell?

This is definitely a form of domestic abuse 🥺

I was going to say this too, unfortunately.

After all, we all swear or feel pissed off when the dishwasher or hoover suddenly breaks down.

Please read Lundy Bancroft's book 'Why does he do that?' - it's an excellent way of understanding abusive men and why they behave the way they do. Here's a pdf of the whole book: https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwi8mOCUsc6EAxUwgP0HHV_jAOIQFnoECA8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw14x4ivUm5xgJ67TT78XfZt

Oh my god OP. He is abusive. Very abusive, and chooses to do so when you’re at your most vulnerable and weak. What an absolutely shitty thing to do. Please try and make a plan to leave him sooner rather than later. It’s not right for you or your kids.

there are decent men out there and he is not one of them. You needn’t live like this.

Oh my God, overshare sorry but I am so triggered 😂just remembered when I was 8 months pregnant and started to get super blurry vision. I called the maternity unit who told me to come straight in to see them because obviously that's a sign of pre-eclampsia. He greed to drive me there but moaned furiously the whole way about his cold (while I literally couldn't see and was worried I and or my baby might die). And then halfway there he was convinced his front wheel was making a noise (i couldn't hear anything) so he had to pull over for 25 mins and inspect it. Aaaaaargggggh.....

I'm sorry you are in this situation.
These are signs you can't keep ignoring.
Make plans OP to free yourself and DC from this bully. It won't get better.

I could've written this about my ex! The final straw was when someone I loved died and he followed me around shouting at me while I was trying to pack for the funeral 😶i just kept thinking "oh my God, imagine I got cancer or something, he'd just do this all day every day"

I left him. In a one bed flat with my toddler and life is 800 times better/easier/more joyful/less stressful.

If you want to you can do it. Also get well soon. Xxxxxx

He is an abusive git that has no care for you. Please read the thread running at the moment " glass beside the dishwasher moment and make this your moment. He doesn't like you.

NARCISSIST!!!! God this was my ExDH absolutely. I gave birth…he had a cold. I was sick…he would actually step over me and be so so cruel but if he was sick he needed extreme levels of support. He tried to ruin every holiday birthday or get together. Every single one. I didn’t know what narcissism was but when I read about it all made sense. Not to be scary for you but of course he was having an affair and we divorced. He still acts like narc with DC but I have educated and armed them with appropriate coping skills. But it started with never “allowing” me to be sick. I hope you feel better soon OP.

What was he like before children?
Did this behaviour escalate when you were pregnant?
What happened when you were early postpartum - was he hands on acting like the hero?

You should have made him do all the chores himself!

He sounds like a shit tbh. I always say, if they aren't adding anything of value to your life then ditch them. What's the point otherwise?

Leave. But be careful. This type gets really nasty when you do. Are the children old enough to state their preference and be considered?

This, OP.

What the children want to do will be taken into account when they are about 11.

Can you literally say to him “what kind of husband gets angry because his wife is unwell? Does that make any sense to you?”

Get a conversation going about his anger.

My DP had a couple of years of anger issues due to life stuff - I literally said to him how shit it is that angry men make their wives and children miserable and is that how he wants everyone to see him? He agreed to sort himself out and started catching himself and apologising. He never ever gets moody now, he’s embarrassed about that time.

My ex husband was like this.
When l slipped outside our front door and broke my ankle he finished his shift at work before coming home, then grumbled about having to take me to hospital.
Then l asked him to help me to the car, l'd actually passed out when l tried to put weight on my ankle. He shouted at me to 'try and help yourself, try to walk!'
I wish we'd had camera phones back then. His face when they came back with the xrays and said l'd broken it in three places, and needed surgery.
Later on he accused me of 'doing it deliberately' to avoid going to Relate (!) and having sex with him. I had five months off work and had to have physio to learn to walk again, it was such a bad break.
Trust me, OP, it doesn't get any better. I'd be seriously considering if you want to live the next 40 years like this. He's behaving dreadfully towards you and your children. Do you want them to think this is normal behaviour?
I hope you feel better soon x

@Notsogreatt

I wouldn’t survive a day on my own.

This sounds like something someone has said to you so many times that you believe it. I'm guessing it's your partner, telling you all the time "You couldn't last day without me" so that you feel frightened and helpless and dependent.

I think you could last a day without him. I think you could probably last the rest of your life without him. I think you are a lot stronger than he wants you to ever realise.

kids can only be shielded so much. They pick up on far more than people think they do. Please leave, your relationship is teaching them everything they’ll know about ‘love’ and it’s wrong.

His moods, needs and feelings are the only ones that matter and you should be managing and handling them. So when he's angry you need to take his abuse, and when he's got it out of his system and doesn't want to be reminded of it - to maintain his self-image - you need to go along with that too.

It comes down to that. I'm sure he has a sob story about why you must put up with this from him, but it comes down to that.

That's why she said "some men".

I just want to make sure you know this - being a SAHM doesn’t mean that “everything” should be expected of you. The “job description” is that you take care of the kids and the house while your husband is at work. Not that you do all the work in the house, not that you do all the work taking care of the kids.

Is there a women’s shelter you can go to with your children?

Have you applied for PIP? You should if you haven’t. I have lupus, Addisons etc all kinds of chronic issues and get Pip at the enhanced rate long term. It will give you some of your own money - please don’t stay with someone like this.

I know you're probably right I know this is probably true, that the bad men are in the minority. But even so they are a large minority, so many of them just exploit women any and every chance they get 😡

Have you read Why Does He Do That? It is a brilliant book that clearly lays out the reasons behind all the behaviour in your partner that you find so confusing:

https://ia902506.us.archive.org/17/items/why-does-he-do-that-inside-the-minds-of-bancroft-lundy/Why%20Does%20He%20Do%20That__%20Inside%20the%20Minds%20of%20-%20Bancroft%2C%20Lundy.pdf