DH always really angry when I'm unwell?

...to be honest I do plan to leave him once the kids are a bit older & I don't need to force them to see him every weekend etc.

He could do a lot of damage in those waiting years.

If he is abusive and has a temper around the kids, SS can intervene to stop visits, if he goes for partial custody.

To be honest, I really doubt he'd want the kids at weekends as he would be the one who had to do all of the work and put the kids first. From what you've said, he's not capable of that.

If he can't put the hoover round while you're ill without going into a rage, how is he going to cope with lone parenting at weekends?

this man sounds 'primitive', not in control of himself at all, some sort of proto hominid!
what a fecking twit he is!

Once I took my OH with me to the doctors after he’d had a massive go at me for having to come home from work because I was having major health anxiety (about something that actually turned out to be very serious). I was in tears and told the doctor that he had been nasty to me and she had a right go at him - really put him in his place. He showed his true colours and I’m not sure I have ever actually forgiven him and will definitely never forget. Since then, I’ve had a few other illnesses and a stint in hospital and he was very supportive. They don’t like their cushy routines being put under any pressure.

Meatymeatytimetoeaty · Today 13:27

He sounds like a narcissist.

What @Meatymeatytimetoeaty . Spoiling birthdays of other people is an absolutely classic indicator of a narcisst. As is having a tantrum if the spouse/partner is unwell.

The former is because they can't bear anyone else being the centre of attention The latter is because they see people, their partner in particular, the same as a normal person would view a fridge or a washing machine. It's useful so long as its working and they quite like it. If it's not functioning to assist them or breaks down, then it will get chucked out without so much as a second glance because a person is like an appliance. They don't care because they can get a new one.

What your describing is abusive behaviour. I had an ex the same, even when recovering from giving birth he was a vile bully! The kids will absolutely pick up on it however much you try to sheild them. Call womens aid, they will help you see this more clearly.

I get angry when DH is unwell but don't tend to throw things & shout at him as it's not his fault. I think it's the feeling helpless thing that I just find so frustrating

& a part of me thinks its abusive

and it would be correct.

Fucking hell what an absolute twat. I would honestly get rid of someone like this.

@Ohffffssssss

The only man I know that behaves like this in real life is my friends partner who's abusive.

Not many men behave like this op. Your partner is an arsehole.

Oh God, OP - he sounds awful!

Agree with others that said he sounds like a narcissist. He should be stepping up and looking after you when you're ill.

That whole 'messing up special occasions' thing isn't normal either.

You feel worn down because he has worn you down. Men who verbally abuse their sick partner and throw things etc are abusive. You are in an abusive relationship, OP.

Please try to find some time to call Women's Aid and chat through his behaviour. They will clarify a few things for you and hopefully help you to prioritise yourself and your children.

I'm not scared of him physically but I feel on edge when he is here & in a bad mood. Your kids will feel exactly the same. Please try to get them away from him, OP.

I do hope you feel better soon.

My ex did this too - even down to the looks of disgust. He would expect me to get lost and be annoyed if he had to do any caring duties. He also ticked many other boxes for narcissistic traits and this was just one of them.

This upset he is creating is at your childrens events. It is impacting them. Once you get better and get some self esteem from somewhere work towards slowly ending this marriage....paperwork, finances, speak to a solicitor to cover all bases. This is no way to be treated. By the way, the meanness should not be "balanced" with any "good " behaviour. You may feel powerless at the moment but you can regain it as you make plans. If he says he threatens suicide phone the police when u make him aware it is over as he will try manipulative tactics like this to control you. Good luck.

My ex was like this. Once I had the audacity to be ill on the first day of our holiday. He threw the biggest sulk about me “ruining the holiday”, dragged me around a full day out sightseeing and complained because I wasn’t enthusiastic.

This extended to other areas of life too. Any time I went out (which was rare) with my friends it was “why do you have to stay out late?”, “why can’t you just drive and be home by 10?”. Anytime we did anything with my family he would start making comments about it being time to leave after about an hour. He wouldn’t say anything, but he expected me to, and if I didn’t he would get pissy.

narcissistic man-baby

Umm, I don’t currently know any men like this! Not my DH, or any male relatives. The only man remotely like this was the abusive twat my mum was with when I was aged 10 until 13. We left him with help from the Local Authority because he was abusive. It still hurts thinking back to what he was like to live with.

This behaviour is not normal. Please seek help. This will be damaging your children even if he tries to hide it around them.

I've been ill all week and my husband has got up with our 3 children eveey morning to let me sleep and then the moment he's home from work he's sent me back to bed to rest.

If he behaved like your husband I'd show him the door, there's no love or respect

He sounds like an uncaring arsehole

I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly

@Ohffffssssss

It sounds like a dick head move to show his displeasure of you not focusing as much of your attention on him,

He is Arsehole, a shithead,

I bet when he is ill or even when he is not,

you are expected have to be fully present for all his needs wants foibles ect,

He treats you more like your his psudeo mother figure, and house maid ect

It's like you were a currently a real handy house hold appliance that's malfunctioning at the moment and he is really royal pissed off with you,

He doesn't really care about you at all

Immature man child

Look into seriously exploring how to ditch this allbrotress of a man child around your neck that's weighing you emotionally down and holding you back in life,

Life's too short for this kind of crap 😕

Loath this kind of man child Arsehole abusive behaviour with such an extant of intensity...

He is !
It’s a running theme on here . Female posts about something , readers comment and then the rest spills out.

You think you're being abused?

Definitely Take a look...

Make sure you're not being tracked online too.