DH always really angry when I'm unwell?

Exactly, was going to say the same...

You've married a dickhead, a narcissist and a vile piece of shit.

Get your shit together, get your kids together and get out of there.

The kids are already noticing 'daddy's moods' and he will give them the same miserable existence he gives you. No human, small or adult deserves, needs or signs up for that.

He will not change.

You need to be the change you & your kids need.

This isn't just anecdotal either. The happiest group of people is proven to be single women. And women initiate 70% of all divorces. No, all men aren't like this, but lots of them are.

Because he is abusive. He won't change.

My honest advice, don't wait until your children are older to tell this narcissistic man to leave. His behaviour will not get any better and as the children get older, they'll be more aware. Hope you feel better soon.

Health issues do increase with age of course.Stats show this but they are not absolutely inevitable.You will be ill if you don't leave him tho

Sorry, I'm not trying to rub it in or anything like that but just making a point... my husband is not like this at all. He takes care of me when I'm ill. So not all men are like this.
You need to get rid and find someone who values you!

can confirm I do love DH

You've misunderstand the meaning of my post. I haven't said daflerken said she didn't love her husband.

My reference was to her not being a loved one. A loved one is someone who is loved by someone else, in this case her DH. Her DH doesn't love her, just sees her as a useful support human, the function of which is to make his life better. When she's ill, she's not fulfilling her function, hence his rage. If Alexa could actually do all the washing up, cooking, laundry etc., men like this would be better off living with Alexa because they wouldn't have to consider the support machine's inconvenient feelings and needs.

Is that clearer?

I know you don’t want to listen but this is damaging your children’s childhood. All the time you stay with him, your children are suffering too.

This can’t go on indefinitely. He has to leave and not in a few years time, but now.

He's a Bad Man and your kids will be damaged in multiple ways by living with him.

Most of them are ba*tards, one way or another.
It's hard, but that's reality.
Look around yourselves, please - who are the most relaxed, happy women?
Retired, widowed, (after some time, obviously), child free.
SINGLE.
😊
Btw., I'm not one of them.

Diary of a CEO podcast today is about narcissists. I haven’t listened yet, but the people he has on are always academics on whichever subject, could be informative. I feel like when dealing with a narc, you have to educate yourself to be able to get out, as they operate to their own particular set of rules. One thing you’ll need to understand is that it is pathological and not fixable, but there are strong common threads with all narcs, and you can begin to learn how they operate.

Get your kids out - they need to know what’s unacceptable in relationships. When you understand how narcs work, you’ll realise that once you show him you don’t care anymore, he won’t even want the kids around. That sounds awful but once you learn the narc pathology, it’ll make sense.

This in a nutshell, I’ve been married for years, your DHs behaviour is not normal or acceptable

I have read all of your posts and I dont see any good enough reason for you to wait to leave him. Your situation sounds incredibly toxic and abusivr and will only continue to get worse. Your children will thank you more for leaving sooner rather than waiting and all of you having to live in such a miserable situation for years to come. From what you said i cant imagine he will be able to 'cope' with having the children on a regular basis so dont base your decision to stick it out on just that. You need to dig deep and find the strength to get out asap you will look back and be so thankful you did. Good luck.

If you stay until they are older you are just putting more angst into their lives. Don't be worrying about not sending them to him. He'll threaten to go for full custody but I bet within weeks he won't see them at all. There is no excuse for staying with this man.

She said “some men”

Typo mistake constant *

Thanks, @cerisepanther73 . 🙂

OP, a friend of my mother’s was in a similar situation, and finally got a divorce when most of her five kids were grown up. The younger four recognize that their dad is awful, but the oldest one has grown up to be just like him. That’s another thing to consider - do you want your kids to not only find his behavior normal, but to actually start acting like him?

This doesn’t seem that odd to me. Lots of people sometimes feel angry when they feel powerless. Also, just talking about me personally, I have ADHD and I often have a difficult time with negative changes. Switching tasks can be tough for people with ADHD, and a switch from “relaxing weekend day” to “in charge of trying to keep kids quiet all day because their dad is sick and needs to rest” makes me want to jump up and down and scream.

I deal with it internally, and don’t take it out on my husband or the kids. But yeah, sometimes I feel angry when my husband gets sick.

My friend had a partner like this. She loved him but that little voice warned her not to let him move in. They were engaged for three years. She found out he was also seeing another woman which was her fault because she wouldn't let him move in and marry her.

He was ex military, DH and I thought there was something off about him a sneakiness. We were all relieved when they broke up.

Weirdly he still tries to get back with her now and again. It's creepy.

That was my father, get your kids away from it. He will start on them and as they grow and become people in their own right he will not respond well. I am terrified of angering anyone and such a pathetic doormat I also can’t form friendships easily and it’s down to this behaviour from my Dad. He ruined things so often and at times his behaviour was utterly vile.

Every day you stay affects your children, I know because i stayed too long and my children suffered. His behaviour and you staying will affect your childrens relationships in the future.