Aibu to say this is theft?

Borrowing is normal with siblings, this is not. I'd delete the tiktok account, take her electricals, stop her pocket money until the value is paid off AND make her work chores. Her sister worked hard and sacrificed to buy those clothes, she won't realise that and the value of money and sacrifice unless you come down hard on this imo.

She needs to buy back all her sister’s clothes and extra for damages.

Take her phone and give her a dumb phone. Banned from TT until 16. Too young and immature to be on it anyway.

It’s one thing to ‘borrow’ a sister’s top for a night out. I reckon most of us with sisters will have been both the perpetrator and the victim in that scenario. It’s quite a different matter to steal lots of new/good clothes so the other person will no longer be able to access them, and then to ruin them, and then to flaunt it on TikTok where her sister will likely see it (assuming they follow each other), is taking it too far. It’s beyond a bit cheeky, it’s unpleasant, destructive, and malicious and she should make reparations and an apology, and I’d be removing her phone and other privileges until it happened.

I'd be interested to hear DDs reaction when she is confronted. If she is somehow genuinely sorry or does she think she hasn't done anything wrong?

Im baffled by people saying it's normal for siblings- not in my family it isn't. But I've had flatmates stealing and office colleagues taking things that weren't theirs - maybe they never had a parent who taught them some basic manners?

I'd start by removing her TikTok for sure.

This happened to me when I went to Uni too, my parents did nothing and I felt so let down. It was ongoing for years, white tops stained, make up stolen, cds sold etc.
Then when she started on their things all hell broke loose.

Oh dear! Very naughty behaviour.

My sister and I are in our 30s and still nick clothes from each other. There is stuff I hide if she’s coming round. And vice versa. It’s kind of jokey tongue in cheek pinching as we are super close.

I agree with other posters though she needs to return the stuff and replace anything she’s damaged. I reckon having to work (even doing chores or whatever) to replace the items will make her feel punished, and also give her a sense of how hard her sister had to work for her stuff. A good learning opportunity

This. I'd come down like a ton of bricks on this

This week, DD13 has appeared on TikTok doing a fashion show wearing her sister’s clothes, the ones that had gone missing from her case.

How did you find out about this?
Has the older sister seen it?

Yes!
And the several weeks delay ... She's either known her sister is upset or is oblivious to the fact she might be walking around with no clothes on as her clothes got taken from her packed case?

It absolutely is stealing and needs to be punished. You can't take things that don't belong to you and then damage /alter them. I'd make her work to replace every item. How else will she learn to respect other people's things? I'd also delete her ticktock and make sure your checking her phone / Internet usage or have appropriate parental controls.

Because daddy dearest lets her get away with it…

and she’ll keep doing it until there is a consequence (aka punishment, but you say poTAYtoes and I say poTAHtoes…).

This.

That kind of "gentle parenting" is the reason so many kids become entitled little brats

She knew it was wrong. No point pointing that out again. And if she gets away with being told it was wrong and to apologise, if she wants the clothes she'll do it again. She'll get what she wants.

It isn't normal for siblings to steal and destroy each other's property. I bet DH would think it wasn't normal if his sister stole and destroyed his car.

As the older sister who frequently had stuff go missing because my sister "borrowed it" nip this in the bud now.

I resorted to fitting a padlock to my door and but mum would leave her keys (which had a key to the room) laying around in plain sight of my sister. Every time I complained I was told it was normal sibling behaviour. The gonal straw was when she took a brand new top, denied all knowledge of it, but then was in the audience of big brothers big mouth (showing my age) wearing said top!! My mum couldn't deny her thieving any longer but she still did nothing about it.

My sister is now in her 30s and is still a compulsive liar.

Apologies - missed the end of your post @purplehatandscarf - tell DH to step up! Borrowing clothing and returning undamaged is one thing, stealing them and trashing them, causing older sister distress over items she has bought with money she has herself earned - theft. And to minimise the offence of DD13 not support DD19 over this make his a lousy dad, to both girls.

I'm surprised that people think that just borrowing is reasonable. My sister regularly borrowed my things and it made it feel like I couldn't have anything nice of my own because she'd find it and use it. It also made it feel like I had no privacy because she'd go through my cupboards to find things.

If you're turning a blind eye to siblings borrowing (I.e taking without express permission, even if they have the intention to return it) I'd encourage you to do what you can to prevent it

Sorry, but yes this is theft. She needs to be punished AND repay her sister/replace them. If this means you send DD19 the money and DD13 has to work off her debt, then so be it.

I’d be confiscating her phone/blocking tiktok for starters.

Tbh am not sure why this is a moral quandary worthy of a MN post.

So not only did your youngest daughter steal her sisters clothes, she also ruined them by ripping them up? What a nasty thing to do. Why did she ever think that was okay?

This. Also a strong chat about how disappointed you are she has done this and how unfair on her sister. She needs to apologise and pay her sister back with interest.

I totally agree with this! Forget the conversation about telling her what she did was wrong, she already knows that! She sounds like an evil little sod to me! At 13 she should have more respect for other peoples belongings! Set chores for her and keep the money back until there is enough to replace the clothes she's destroyed. And remove the mobile phone until this is done too!

She hates her older sister? They cannot stand each other? Constant arguing?

Surely it just cannot come out of nowhere

This was nasty, selfish and disrespectful of the 13 year old. She has to be made to pay back the full cost of the clothes she took.

Yes to removing her phone. Get her a basic cheapie for emergencies. Close the TikTok account.

I would be very tempted to go through her room and take a few items that are new/favourite. See how she likes to have stuff taken.

Her behaviour needs consequences, she took her sister’s clothes from her suitcase, clothes that her sister had worked hard to pay for. Presumably, this girl also knew that her sister was missing clothes as I’m sure her parents heard her talking about it.

I would think a good consequence would be no pocket money or new clothes until her sister has either paid to have the damaged clothes professionally repaired or replaced. Actually, the no pocket money/new clothes ban should extend out until Easter.