Aibu to say this is theft?

That is exactly what she is. Maybe we should wait until she is 18 before telling her that her behaviour is wrong or maybe 25 or shall we just go the whole hog and let her away with bad behaviour for life?

If she stole from a shop do you think she should be spoken to & apologise, then if she steals from someone’s house or steals their car, you think speaking to her & apologising is the way to go. Children need to be shown there are consequences to their actions. Punishment doesn’t have to be brutal but they have to lose somthing they value so they will think twice the next time.

I remember that thread! Wonder if she did buy a pony in the end?

What a spiteful thing to do. Little cow!

I have slightly young kids (both at home). But I eould do the following:

Remove her phone. A month seams reasonable. And during that time I woukd load Google Family Link or the iPhone equivalent which would remain on the phone - blocking ticktoc and other such apps. She's not responsible enough.

I would make her collect all the clothes, launder them and the assess the damage.
She'd be replacing the damaged ones with her own funds by the time her sister returns for Easter
She would then be parcelling up the undamaged ones and paying the costs of getting them to her sister.

Does your DH think the older one should just put up with this? It would be lowering my opinion of him and his respect for others. It would also make me think he favours the younger one and I'd be watching out for that with other things.

I suspect the OP has got the idea now - maybe lay off all the posts calling her 13yr old a 'brat'?!

Plus, it is not just a case of repaying her sister. Some of tge items were gifts from a relative in Spain.Thet have sentimental value.

Taking packed clothes out from a suitcase is not the normal level of siblings borrowing one another's clothes. I always wore my sister's clothes but would never have done this.
A thirteen year old should know better and as a consequence should replace the clothes they damaged. If they have a good relationship then the older sister's hurt should be enough of a deterrent for it to not happen again and this conversation should be had.

What? It is not REMOTELY normal 13 year old behaviour!!

Jesus. Your moronic H is actually advocating for not punishing the little brat?!

Do you seriously need to ask us, OP?

Of course it's theft: she took some things that belong to another person without their permission and it doesn't seem she had any intention of returning them (as she ripped some - criminal damage?)

How you punish her is up to you but punish her you must.

I think "normal" sibling behaviour would be borrowing something from your older sister's wardrobe without asking every so often, then returning it or dumping it in the laundry basket.

Swiping a whole pile of clothes, ripping them and not giving them back even when the sister returns to uni, I would say is a step up from that.

Your DH us under-reacting.

What a brat. Make her pay for everything, apologise to her sister and remove her phone until Easter. She needs to know that she is in the wrong and her behaviour won't be tolerated.

A 13 yr old on Tick tock in ripped crop tops
A paedophile’s dream.

She needs to know how dangerous this is.

This is why there are so many awful entitled disrespectful brats about.

Punishment doesn’t mean hitting, but the teen who stole and damaged her sister’s property needs appropriate punishment.

I agree. Remove her nicest clothes and keep them from her until she has paid for her sister's stuff. Tell her She's lucky you are not ripping her things up.

Tik Tok is a separate issue. She's too young and foolish to be on there.

When I worked in Youth Justice, as part of the work with young offenders, we would always ask them what they thought would be an appropriate sentence for their crime/s.
They were always much more punitive than the actual justice system.

But I would ask the younger sister what she thinks should be done about it, because it is part of the process of realisation and engendering empathy, which begins in adolescence.

Exactly or you get the whole 'nooo! Youngest is a VICTIM poor soul, she's obviously troubled and needs help and attention, buy her a pony'....

they both said the same thing: in the moment of discovery they'd have been right in the other's room wrecking something they valued. Followed by genuine remorse.

If there had been any indication that either of us (parents) would be defending the younger DD in this case, there would have been a lot of trouble.

it is teft not borrowing and se souldnt be on tiktok isnt it 16 now?

don't be a dolt. It isn'T concerning at all.

I don'T need to be told anything. As it happens i asked my DDs and they think younger child needs a good talking too, many chores and to issue a grovelling apology. But they wouldn't have behaved like that in the first place.

your answers are - meh. Not really explaining why you think it's so bad. TBH if my brother had destroyed my clothes? For sure i would have taken a hammer to his warhammer figures, before even telling my parents.

I'd have been sorry afterwards but i don't think he'd have done it again.

the reason "gentle parenting" was in scare quotes is because we know that isn't gentle parenting. But some parents have totally misunderstood the concept and the result is that, unfortunately, many children don't learn about the consequences of their actions. Or are indeed even chided for dick behaviour like the DD in this scenario.