Aibu to say this is theft?

I wouldn’t advocate selling something that’s important to her, that’s just vindictive.

I don’t think people are thinking corporal punishment or stocks, more having consequences that might hurt a bit (not literally of course).

This is really bad of your 13yo DD. My younger DSIS used to help herself to clothes I had worked hard to buy and not look after them and my DM would just shrug like it didn't matter. I would never let my DC get away with stealing their siblings belongings, especially when they had paid for them themselves. I would say grounding and no pocket money / allowance for a few weeks at least.

Borrowing between siblings means 1- asking if it’s ok, 2- the lender agrees, 3- the borrower uses carefully and returns in the same condition. Dd13 may as well have binned her sisters stuff as it’s now destroyed by cutting and tying. I would be absolutely livid and dd13 would be doing chores to earn the money to replace. How would she like it if her sister chopped up her new things?

You’re not being u reasonable.

I’d suggest she needs to sell something important to her and lose any financial privileges (pocket money, birthday money, savings, money earnt for tasks or what have you) so that she can fully reimburse her sister for the things she’s damaged/ruined. Anything taken but not damaged is to be returned immediately. And a ban on TikTok and other social media until she can prove that she is responsible enough to have access to it.

Its the fact she took them out of the suitcase knowing her sister was going back to uni, its not like she borrowed just one top from the wardrobe.

Clearly a younger sibling who thought this behaviour was fine 🙄

Wow just wow.

I'd find out how much the damaged clothes cost and make her repay it. I'd definitely be deleting her tictoc or grounding her. Yeah sisters do this stuff but there needs to be consequences

It's alot of agro over a few clothes

Siblings can be pretty foul - my two sisters and I did some horrible things to each other, but if caught out there was hell to pay. And if not, the guilt ate at us for years and we fessed up in our forties over the 5th glass of Prosecco!!

’normal’ does not mean ‘acceptable’.

It’s not what every sibling does, at all. It’s disrespectful and I’d make her earn the money back somehow to give to her sister for the clothes.

I'd be telling her she needs to pay her sister back the full amount, even if it means it comes out of her birthday money for the next 3 years. It isnt a punishment like grounding/taking devices is, it's simply the only way to try and make right what she has done.

If you can afford to pay your eldest the money so she doesn't have to wait for it, I'd do that and then claim it back from youngest myself.

This is a great idea.

TikTok can get in the bin until she is 15 or 16.

She pays for the replacement clothes whether this is from savings, or chores. If clothes can be mended she takes them to the menders and pays for this. Any intact clothes she takes the parcel to the post office and posts them to her sister tracked.

She rings up her sister on loud speaker or video with you present, to apologise meaningfully and agrees never to do this again.

I agree with all of this.

I have a DS who spends a lot of money on clothes out of his own money. His younger sister loves clothes and has happily taken his cast offs over the last few years which has been lovely to see. Now if sister actually went in and took some clothes without permission i would expect him to explode and chances are she would come off a lot worse. You dont steal and you certainly dont steal from family. It would only happen once....

I wonder how DD19 would deal with her sister.....Maybe ask her.

There’s no relish, but she needs to replace other people’s belongings she has deliberately ruined. That’s awful behaviour and a quiet ‘there there dear ’ won’t cut it.

Taken without knowledge or consent= stealing .
Cut up/customised to crop. = damaged on purpose
utter disregard then topped by parade on tik tok.
Oh thats a whole lot more than "expected sibling stuff"
INTENT is bad but the disregard and public flaunting is horrible.What you allow will continue.
So if it makes it easier reword PUNISH -consequences.
all devices capable of tik tok- confiscated. immediately. indefinately(cos they hate that) oh id be fewmin...

There is a difference between borrowing and stealing!
I have 5 children and none of them “borrow” each others things without asking each other, they’ve been brought up to respect each others belongings.
So as most people have said, absolutely no excuse for her actions and she should be punished.

Perhaps you could clarify what the issue with wearing school uniform is? Obviously she’d prefer to wear ‘fun’ clothes given she stole clothing from her sister but it won’t harm her. And she might be less inclined to post herself on TikTok if her outfit isn’t cool/new. It’s a consequence of stealing, it’s not meant to be fun, but it’s hardly cruel and unusual punishment.

I think she needs to make amends to her sister and apologise. Does she have an allowance/pocket money? I would be using this to replace her sister's ruined clothing. Maybe a grounding/social media/phone ban for a couple of weeks. If she doesn't learn that it's not acceptable to just help herself to someone else's stuff when she feels like it, she's going to have trouble in the future!

Exactly this. Had your older daughter done the same thing to your 13 year old, she'd have been very upset - and rightly so. Your younger daughter hasn't committed a hanging offence, but she's got to learn that actions have consequences or she might be tempted to do it again.

Of course this is theft!! My older sister used to steal my money from my moneybox, constantly, despite me finding new hiding places. It added up to a lot over the years. I never ever got a penny back from her, we no longer speak.