Aibu to say this is theft?

What she did was vile. She is 13, she was sneaky and mean.
Of course she needs to be punished. Parents don't enjoy punishing their children.

Yes, let’s use this as an opportunity to castigate the op’s parenting - point made, such things would never happen in your disciplined, wholly age appropriate household 🙄

If she doesn't know why this is wrong by the age of 13, there's a severe problem here.

Sorry but at 13 she should know better!! I’m assuming she gets pocket money of sorts or has savings by this age and she’d be debuting the clothes she stole for her sister and wouldn’t get to keep the items she took either! I grew up as 1 of 4 and this is not normal sibling behaviour !! If I’d done this to my older sister I’d have been in so much trouble!!
Your husband is wrong… wonder how he’d feel if she took and destroyed something he’s just bought!!

Its theft youre older daughter bought the clothes with her hard earned money. The younger one should replace them

If your husband is seriously ok about your only just teenage daughter stealing outfits chosen and worn by university student daughter - making them MORE flimsy ( ripping them) and then parading for likes on social media , unless he’s phenomenally naive, he’s a big part of the problem. You both need to look at her tik tok account ; have an extremely serious discussion with her, and definitely ensure she apologises and makes reparation (and then some) to her sister - who not only was without the wardrobe she’d planned and paid for , but no doubt was extremely stressed and anxious about it. Your younger one sounds like she has baby of the family syndrome and is getting away with murder! As others have said - she will end up being the uni student who thinks it’s fine to nick food etc. unless you act now. That’s what parenting is about. Husband seriously needs to step up.

She needs to replace the clothes, and to be made aware if this was done outside the household she would be dealing with the police. It's completely unacceptable.

I’d be angry at the younger one for taking and altering / cutting her sisters clothes .
I would expect the younger sister to replace the ruined clothes and return the intact clothes.
If she’s got to use her Christmas money or savings then that’s her fault and she learns to ask before borrowing

That’s not like for like? Don’t think you understood what I was saying.

It absolutely needs punishing she gets no pocket money /does chores until repaid.

I bet your dh would feel differently if it was his stuff she damaged!!

Apologies. My mistake.

Her DH thinks this ISN'T stealing. I was agreeing with the OP and saying I don't agree with her DHs opinion. That if she goes down the route her DH wants to go down with no punishment or consequences then her DD will think what she did is okay.

If a thirteen-year-old NT child needs to be told that stealing is wrong there is no hope for her

I am one of 5 sisters and nothing like this has ever happened! Definitely crack down on this, it's blatant theft.

Do you really? So any kid can do anything and there should never be any consequences or punishment?
I’ll remember your ridiculous comments next time an innocent teenager arrives in a critical condition in my department with multiple stab wounds.
I also remember when the perpetrators parents spout of their moronic mouths saying their murderous child is innocent.
Talk it out…what a joke.

So you think people who rob houses shouldn't go to jail? Is a punishment to you 'revenge'?

It’s definitely not “What siblings do” I have 4 sisters and wouldn’t dream of taking anything from any of them without asking and nor would they. Your daughter needs to be told in no uncertain terms that this behaviour is unacceptable. She should be made to apologise and replace the items she has taken.

She loses her pocket money or luxuries until the cost is replaced. If her phone costs 20 quid a months she loses her phone and the 20 goes to her sister ( you'd obviously be out of pocket still but it's not about you) She can work to earn more.

Obviously elder sister needs a lock on her door too. And a damn sincere apology.

To be honest op, I am surprised you are even having to ask this here. She stole and went behind your backs. If my dd pulled a stunt like this at 13, she'd have loss of ALL privileges for at least a fortnight and wouldn't leave the house except school and she'd get hell from me. I'm talking no phone, no internet, no treats, no tv...

She'd basically have hell to pay and I'd be giving her plenty of extra jobs. If she has any savings/pocket money that would also be used to pay for the clothes and if anybody like an aunt asked I'd tell her loudly in front of dd just to embarrass her.

I can be an outright bitch when I need to be but if my kids think it's acceptable to steal and do shit like this then it's my job to do something about it. And I don't agree with the softie softie restorative justice crap preached here, the people saying it wouldn't say the same if it was their property stolen.

I'd also be fuming with dh if he tried to say it wasn't serious.

This

So many Mnetters love to bandy the ‘punish’ word with relish 🙄

She is not pretending it isn’t stealing. In her post she actually says ‘ I say this is theft’

My husband suffered from this with his younger brother who would steal items (sweets when they were younger, expensive pieces of electrical equipment as they got older) and was not checked by the parents. The result is that the younger brother has grown up to be a self-entitled, grasping bully with whom we now have no contact whatsoever.

So, yes, your younger DD definitely needs to know that what she has done is wrong and there have to be consequences, whether it's removing her smartphone / diverting her allowance to her older sister to replace her missing clothing / being grounded for a month etc - or else she'll grow up to be that Mean Girl.

As 1 of 4 sisters, this is 10p% NOT something siblings do to each other, and she is absolutely old enough to know that what she is is so very wrong. I would make her give ALL money she gets, to her sister until the cost of replacing them is paid OFF, and shame on your husband for condoning such disgraceful behaviour. So it would be OK for her to just help herself to his stuff, your stuff, or even stuff from the shop!?

Am not sure OP is coming back or monitoring this thread now.

I am no contact with my younger sister because she behaved exactly like this. What was mine was hers and what was hers was hers.

I ended up having to have a lock for my room because she stole anything that wasn’t nailed down but would scream a hissy fit if I ever touched a toe into her room.

It’s been 8 years since I last spoke to her and it’s been bliss