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Original poster

I think I have a drink problem

84 replies

Approachingrockbottom · 27/02/2024 23:16

I feel like I need some hard home truths - I think I have a drink problem and I might need some help.

Both my (divorced) parents are heavy drinkers - I grew up with the culture of a daily drink. Easy day - evening drink. Stressful day - evening drink.

I have most definitely carried this culture forward and I drink too much, too often. I wouldn’t say I crave drink but equally I am unable to give it up. It is more common for me to have a drink of an evening than not.

Today should have been one of the happiest days, ever. I’ve taken my two children away for an amazing holiday but according to DP I was “a disgrace” getting off the plane.

I am conflicted in how true this is, as I negotiated our baggage, our (not pre booked) transfer, our check in. I took the children up to bed alone when they needed it and none of the other adults in our group felt the need to step in. Not a mark of success of course, but I think makes disgrace a strong and inaccurate word.

Being honest though, i can’t help but feel there is some truth in that hurtful statement. I don’t know where to go from here.

Please, tell me I’m being daft or give me some home truths.

OP posts:
Original poster
Approachingrockbottom · 27/02/2024 23:38

I definitely had too many drinks between airport and plane. That’s not in question. 1.5 bottles of Prosecco at a guess as it was shared.

Writing that down is hard and I feel ashamed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Approachingrockbottom · 27/02/2024 23:37

I don’t feel remotely in balance.

I have a good (for my area), but stressful job and live in a constant state of anxiety- I am a single parent, I need to provide a life for my children, I want to be the best that I can for them but honestly feel like I am failing.

DP is not their father, he cares for them, but doesn’t parent them so I guess that explains why he didn’t “step up” and put them to bed this evening if I was such a stumbling disgrace.

That statement has hurt me so badly that I honestly don’t know if I can recover from it - I feel like I’ve been called a bad mother. And it may be true. My children are everything to me and it’s like I’ve been hit up the face with reality, and I may actually be a shit parent.

The other adults in the group are my family members. I can only imagine they hold the same opinion but am conscious this could be my anxiety taking, and that they would / should step in if they felt I was incapable of parenting.

I’m so confused.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 27/02/2024 23:35

Can I ask his many drinks you had at the airport and on the plane? If it was one or two he's BU. However I do agree if you were that much of a disgrace why didn't he step up with the kids?

SorbetMorbet · 27/02/2024 23:28

OP, why did your DP say you were a disgrace? It sounds like you were quite able to function and look after your children. Also how much do you drink on average per week?

If you think it's too much, then you probably do need to get some help, you've managed the first step, which is acknowledging that you may have a problem.

Teasie123 · 27/02/2024 23:28

@Approachingrockbottom pmend u. Hope that was ok.xxx

NoSquirrels · 27/02/2024 23:28

Daily drinking is not good, of course.

Sometimes it’s a symptom that something in life is not in balance.

What’s your relationship with your DH usually like? Do you have a life outside parenting/work/DH?

OhMyChickenDinner · 27/02/2024 23:27

If your partner thought you were “a disgrace” why didn’t he step up and put the children to bed?

Herdinggoats · 27/02/2024 23:25

Who were the adults in your group and why were you needing to do these things alone? I’m not saying it’s alright, but i go through the odd stage when I drink a lot and it’s always because I’m miserable because people are dumping stuff on me. Where was your partner to help with the children? Is this your little rebellion to knowing he leaves stuff to you?

kcchiefette · 27/02/2024 23:23

The fact you are wondering if you have a problem, likely means you have a problem.

I was in denial also. I drank 3-4 bottles of wine per week (usually a bottle at a time) and thought this was the norm as my friends did it too.

I noticed my anxiety was tenfold, I was putting on weight, family members were concerned and voicing it when they seen the empty bottles in my kitchen on a random Wednesday night.

I decided to stop because it was no longer providing me with any joy. Especially drinking alone.

Ive now stopped the lone drinking (I have non alcoholic wine stocked up) and only drink and events or special occasions with people I know aren't big drinkers, so I know I wont get carried away. The last two events I drank at, I only had 2 drinks! Usually I would have had at least double that amount.

I feel much better, mental health is clearer and I know I wont be the cause of embarrassment for my nearest and dearest anymore.

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