I think I have a drink problem

Yes, Annie Grace is the reason I’ll be four years sober this year.

I found reading Annie Grace's book This Naked Mind extremely helpful in changing my drinking habit (yes, it is an awful habit). I'm now 14 months sober from drinking 1.5 or 2 bottles of wine (plus beer, G&T) nearly every night.

Read the book (I had it as an audio book which made me feel it was a friend chatting to me) and then take her advice, try a dry 30 days to start to reevaluate your drinking.

You will start to notice how much society normalises drinking once you stop!

At the end of the 30 days you may choose to drink occasionally and only in moderation or you may choose to give up, either is right for you but you've switched who is in charge and that's the main thing.

I found my sleep improved, I lost weight, my skin has a healthier appearance plus I don't get headaches nearly as much as I used to. I prefer the sober me, I'm not worried if friends choose to drink around me while I'm out, and I feel at ease in my own skin.

I wish you all the best in your journey. Good luck, whatever you decide.

I gave up drinking about 3 years ago and honestly it transformed my life for the better. Sounds like I was similar to you, I drank maybe one or two drinks a few nights a week, more at the weekend, maybe 3/4 bottle of wine.

I didn't plan to give up forever but took a break and honestly the benefits I've gained have changed my life. Mainly hugely reducing my anxiety, improving my sleep so I'm calmer and happier with my kids.

There's some amazing resources now, have a look on Instagram at One Year no Beer, Andy Ramage, the Dryy App, theres lots. Also have a read of some of the books Quit like a woman, The Sober Diaries, The unexpected joy of being sober. These books really helped me refrain my thinking to see I wasn't giving up I was gaining so many benefits in my life.

I thought I needed alcohol to relax, to help me deal with stress from work and parenting but in reality it was making the stress worse.

Try and put yesterday's experience behind you. Relax and enjoy your holiday.

I can't see how you could have been a disgrace when disembarking the plane, getting to the hotel and putting kids to bed? Surely if you were tiddly when you got on the plane it would have worn off a few hours later?
He was mean to say that but it seems like you feel out of control. Do you know any sober friends? Could you try attending AA? It is good to distract you from drinking even if you don't want to speak/ share. You don't need to tell people straight away, I've quit, I'm doing AA etc. if that's too much pressure. You can just quietly go to a meeting and see how it makes you feel.

I’m still not getting a full picture of what exactly you were doing to make your DP call you a disgrace - you might have mentioned stumbling about? Anything else? How were you acting? What exactly made him call you out?

1 and a half bottles of prosecco does sound a lot to me (though I don’t drink much at all) and I think there’s a difference between getting tipsy while you’re going on jollys with friends and getting drunk while on holiday with your kids.

It does sound to me like you may have a problem, especially if you feel you’re unable to cut down without help. It’s great you recognise this though.

I assume you may have already seen this page but there are a lot of useful links about how to get support, including helplines.

Alcohol contributes to many cancers.
You think you have a problem so seek help.
Summon the courage to attend AA. Alcoholics ANONYMOUS.

Your partner and friends are holding their breath.
You would not tolerate an intoxicated childminder caring for your children. Take control before you lose your license, job, kids, and relationships.

What is acceptable?
I think one drink per day for about three days per week.
You might have a different limit. Purchase a breathalizer and find out how drunk you are from hour to hour.
Educate yourself; don't stay ignorant.
I would want to be well under the limit for driving at all times in case I had to take the kids somewhere.

Can you swap alcohol for fizzy water?
Can you try acupuncture?

Your DP was lashing out because you complained.

Sounds like you have two separate issues here.

1. You’re not happy with the amount you’re drinking, which is why your DP’s unnecessary comment hit home.
2. Your DP doesn’t sound very nice.

You might find the two issues are connected.

Definitely seek help, you won’t have your children taken off you. It isn’t normal or ok to drink every day, and you shouldn’t drink more than two drinks around your children - what if they needed taking to hospital?

Maybe try and go dry for next three days of holiday, then just one drink per day after. Don’t be too hard on yourself; well done for recognising you have a problem.

From what you've said, you didn't sound that bad on the plane! I think your DP was OTT.

How much do you drink though as I'm a bit confused? Is it generally just one drink a night or is it regularly several?

It would be a great thing to break the generational cycle. End the alcohol problem now before you pass it on to your kids if you see what I mean. Alcohol is causing problems in your family if they're overhearing drunken arguments, and you know what it's like being around a drunk person when you're sober. For kids it must be horrible. If you feel you can't quit by yourself you could go to an AA meeting. They won't inform your GP or anything, no record is kept of you being there, they really are anonymous.

If you just have a few drinks a night to relax, there is no harm in it, I am the same. If it interferes with your day to day stuff, then maybe its not so good

If alcohol is costing you more than money (eg. happiness, health, relationships etc.) then you might have a problem with addictive drinking.

If you do decide you have a problem with alcohol please think about using the AA helpline in @Sam0207's post above.

When I attended my first meeting and heard others telling their stories a HUGE weight of shame was lifted.

You are not alone.
x

I think you know you have a problem. Honestly getting drunk while in charge of young children is irresponsible so for the sake of your children see someone asap.

You don’t need to see a GP, the drug and alcohol support services are managed by the local authority, not the nhs.

you can contact them directly if you want to, just google drug and alcohol services in your area

Hi,

If you think you might have a problem, chances are, you might have a problem.

I had/have a problem (it'd definitely be a problem if I had another drink). I put off getting help for YEARS because I was so ashamed of being a bad parent to my kids (also a single parent), I thought I'd never be able to voice how terrible I felt - the only thing with that was the more terrible I felt, the more I drank, and then felt more terrible and so I drank more. It was a vicious cycle. I was full of "reasonings", you know I couldn't be an alcoholic because I didn't drink in the morning, I'd never taken my kids to the pub, I didn't drink xyz... etc etc etc ad fininitum.

I'm not in any way saying you have done any of these things, or that you are an alcoholic. I say them because the best advice I was given is that you can get of the lift at any floor - IE: a rock bottom doesn't have to be drinking tennants special brew on a park bench.

If you think you have a problem I'd strongly suggest contacting AA (link below). Maybe go to a meeting, maybe go to a few. See if it helps (and it can't hurt).

I thought I'd die of shame walking into my first meeting. But no one judged me, no one side eyed me. They just gave me some leaflets, suggested I listened and hugged me and told me they hoped I'd come back. I did and I've been around a while now. The shame and the guilt lasted a while but the more I listened to other women share their stories, and the more I shared mine the easier I slept.

Wishing you well.

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/#

Fair comments. So, seek another avenue of help.

Good luck

Take what your DP has said as the wake up call you needed. Get some help before it’s too late.

Hi OP

Posting, and getting it off your chest to people you will most likely never meet is good.

However, acting on your "regrets" and ensuring they never happen again is the hard part. You have started, so for the sake of your children, you OH, your siblings/parents etc and yourself, do the right thing.

See help via GP, and or go online and take positive action

Good luck

What lovely, sensitive posts.

Adrian Chiles has a great book on the subject. Mindful moderation.

Drinking is a subjective thing, IMO. Apprently the late Queen was a ten units a day lady, her sister rather more so.

I like to have a beer to unwind and celebrate and commiserate. Lots of people do, lots of people do not. There is a lot of blame in the world today and most of it is unhelpful.

Do you like where you are? Do you have tools to cope with change?

Labels, in my opinion, are unhelpful. I am not a take it or leave it drinker, but I do not ever really drink enough to get drunk. I like a few drinks and no more so never lunge into harmful behaviour. Would my liver agree? Not sure. Hope so. Thats life, I will not know until it grumbles.

I do not want to live to 100 but I do not want to be ill between 55-75, then die in pain.

Personally, at the moment I'm (usually) smashing mon/tues no beer, then slightly less than I could over the rest of the week. Lots of people who can absolutely go weeks without any booze would send me to AA just for that, but I'm happier at home, living my life and not judging anyone else. My mum has always been teetotal and had a heart attack at 59. The J curve for morality cannot be denied and I'll take my chances. We are only here once.

If yuor drinking makes you ashamed, then thats what you need to address. You need to act in a way that you are comfortable with, and give yourself a decent amount of time to adapt and change.

Lots of love.

Cheers.

Why did he think you were a disgrace?
How much had you drunk on the plane/over the course of the day?
Did you feel your judgement was impaired and that you may have appeared drunk?

It’s bit hard to know without the context of what occurred on the plane. What specific behaviour did he find disgraceful on the plane? Did stewards or other passengers get involved?