I think I have a drink problem

Hi, it’s ok don’t beat yourself up. I’m glad you posted that “you might need help”. That’s very courageous of you. Self reflection is a difficult task.

Go to an AA meeting like someone suggested. Might take more than one meeting to find a group that will make you feel at home.
You deserve to take care of you. Please try it.
Going to AA was the best thing that I did for myself.
These people will give you tools on how to live your life without needing a drink. How to set boundaries, how to respond and not react. How to pause and how to exercise self love.

You are in chronic stress and I would suggest you look into meditation. I recently joined Insight Timer app. They offer one week for free to try it. Please try it. It made a huge difference in my life already.

In order to be the best mom you can be you need to be good and gentle to yourself. No one needs to be a slave to a drink or anything else that doesn’t serve them. You take care of you. I know you can and I know you’re a strong, wise woman. Otherwise you wouldn’t post for advice. You choose the way you show up to the world and you have the power to change anything that stands in a way of you being your greatest self. Best of luck to you!

Being on holiday is probably not the best time to be considering this to be honest OP; you're probably drinking more than at home, there's a celebratory atmosphere etc and it sounds like you've got lots of other people around too.

You say your partner isn't your kids parent, which is why he didn't step up and help, this is fair enough in terms of putting the kids to be, but wrangling the bags, sorting out transport and checking into the hotel are all things he could have stepped up and helped with or taken over if he didn't think you were fit to. I think we've all had an experience with someone where they've gotten a bit too drunk, and you've been able to say something like 'God you were a disgrace last night', it doesn't mean they're a bad parent or have a drinking problem, it just means they've let loose! I'd also add here that altitude decreases your tolerance to alcohol, and they say one drink in the air is worth 3 on the ground, so that will have exasperated the effects.

If you're genuinely worried about your drinking, I'd say have a proper think about it once you're back from your holiday. Start with swapping our your evening drink for something non-alcoholic on weekdays, and see how you feel. Then challenge yourself to go a whole week without drinking (I'd recommend not choosing one where you've got a big event booked in). Then see how you feel, and see if you've missed it, if you've been craving it, if you feel like you need one as soon as the week is up etc.
This will inform you of whether you'd got an actual problem, or you've just fallen into a bit of a habit. Then you can take steps from there to either get proper help (whether that's the GP, AA, counselling, etc) or whether you just need to cut down a bit for the sake of your health.

I drink 40 units a week, I have cut down a load. I use the ‘Drinkaware’ app to help me track what I drink and drink less.

sounds like your dp is a bit of a dick saying you were a disgrace.

have a couple nights off a week and increase that gradually.

Dont forget the impact of being at altitude too. I was once told it’s the equivalent of having twice as many drinks. I only ever got drunk once on a plane and I hadn’t had that much to drink but boy did I notice the difference! So even if you have developed a higher tolerance for booze, I bet you were drunker than normal.

I have a very complicated relationship with alcohol so I would encourage you to see this as the wake up call you need.

Seeing your parent drunk as a young child, older child, pre-teen, teen and indeed even adult is really quite traumatising. And they know, even when quite young, that something's amiss and the parent can't be trusted. And it never goes away. I completely agree @NerrSnerr.

@Redmat I only did it once (my hen weekend) and I see many people getting on planes drunk every time I travel, from economy to first class - I was not ‘normalising’ it, was saying that it can happen. OP only did it the once - I was being kind and drying not to beat OP up, she’s doing enough of that to herself.

I and many others have never started a holiday drunk Busymummy. Don't try and normalise that.

Try not to beat yourself up - I’ve been in the same place for years now, but especially since lockdown. I have two teens with SEN needs, no close family to support (or understand) and lovely husband who is also ASD and works around the clock/travels, so I’ve found myself reaching for a glass of wine, and the second and… no-one ever comments as my holding a wineglass of an evening is considered normal. In fact, I would say my DH is a bit of an enabler with a similarly relaxed attitude to alcohol. At one stage I was getting through 5-6 bottles of wine and a bottle of rum a week. 60-80 units. But I was never tipsy/falling over drunk. But I was gaining weight, struggling through the menopause, and generally feeling shit about myself.

It was when my teen had yet another suicide attempt/OD and I had to drive her to A&E after two large glasses of wine that I realised I couldn’t go on like this. I needed to be sober enough to be legal most nights.

I’m a follower of mindful moderation as giving up entirely has been too hard (yet), but I do only drink a couple of bottles a week now (yep, still over the 14 weekly units recommended for women, but its 25% of what I used to), and have found I sleep better, have lost a lot of weight and handle the stress a little better.

There are usually local, free, services for alcohol counselling that your GP never has to know about (google ‘alcohol counselling near me’) and it should come up with a few that you can self refer to. One day I may be brave enough to approach the AA again, but frankly I am too nervous of bumping into someone at my local one, of being more alcoholic than anyone else there, and the one I travelled to in the next town was full of homeless, ex soldiers with PTSD so I felt frivolous and out of place.

And the start of the holiday? We’ve all done that at least once, drink problem or no. I’d park that, ignore DP, but really think about the other stuff as you may be able to nip it in the bud now, so to speak.

good luck and hugs from one stressed, ‘crap’ mum to another.

No she said she drank about 1.5 bottles but it's hard to be exact as they were sharing. So they got through several bottles and she thinks she drank about 1.5 of a bottle.

A few drinks a night is not ok. It's way beyond the level considered healthy. If you think it's ok you probably should speak with someone

A bottle and a half of prosecco is 13.5 units of alcohol. The guideline for women is a maximum of 14 units over the course of a week. 5-7 units is considered binge drinking.

Yes, you have a problem.

If you're a habitual, relatively heavy drinker, 1.5 bottles of Prosecco will likely only have you tipsy. But drinking that heavily, that frequently that you can tolerate it is in itself obviously not at all healthy physically.

Your local authority may run something called Drink Coach that could also help. No one will take your children from you for seeking help.

I honestly don’t believe you negotiated the luggage retrieval, transfers etc with two children and absolutely no other assistance OP, did you? Or were you so drunk you think you did?
Either way you’re drinking far too much and now your family are aware of that too.
I wish you all the best in seeking help and hope that it goes well.

Unless you and the children travelled to the hotel alone you didn't negotiate the whole transfer by yourself. There were other people with you.
You drank 1.5 bottles between airport and plane. Did you drink on the planes as well? You have two small children you are responsible for on a journey . Getting even tipsy is such a bad idea.
I only write this because you said you wanted home truths.
I wish you all the very best for getting help.
It is a brave person who takes the first steps.

If you're being truthful on the thread then if you go to the GP you won't risk losing your children at all.

I grew up in a house of drinkers and used to enjoy a social drink but gave up a few years back as I didn't want it to escalate. My main incentive was I hated feeling tipsy in front of the kids as I hated seeing my mum being drunk.

Try The Naked Mind.

It absolutely will not cost you your children. Just go and say you’ve decided you no longer want alcohol in your life, as it’s been slowly creeping up. Your GP will not judge. You are to be commended for taking a positive step.

I know this because I have done the same. I do still drink on occasion, but not a lot, whereas at one point I was heading toward a bottle of wine a night. I am considering going completely teetotal, as I can no longer see what it brings to my life, whereas sobriety brings heaps of positives.

I gave up alcohol in November, but had been trying to cut down for a while before that. I honestly think that cutting down doesn’t work as you always go back to it.

When I first gave up I used to drive to the gym in the evening which meant I knew I couldn’t drink and avoided the evening on the sofa. I did that for a month or 2 until it became a habit.

My life is so much better without wine. I drank every night for almost 15 years (with the exception of 2 pregnancies) and would never have believed that I could give it up, but one day I realised that I’d just had enough. I don’t miss it at all and my DH joined me a couple of weeks after I started and neither does he.

You can do this, take it one day at a time and if you do slip up, it doesn’t matter, you haven’t failed, just carry on the next day.

'I haven’t been near AA. That is not my thing. I read quit lit, listened to podcasts, tapped into online connection. There’s an alcohol support board on here.'

I'd recommend these too. There are some lovely, supportive long running threads. I think they really help with adjusting mindset at your own pace.

You wouldn’t lose your children. Look at all the kids looked after by alcoholics and junkies in the country! If they don’t have alternative care provision for them they won’t be removing the kids of someone otherwise functioning with a drink problem.

And you are not a shit parent. You are a parent who has become addicted to an addictive substance. But you will be a better and more present one if you don’t drink.

id suggest reading the sober diaries by Clare Pooley and taking it from there.

I would say it’s more likely than not you are minimising your behaviour. Maybe disgrace is too strong but taking children to bed whilst pissed is not a great role model.

Alcohol makes you lie to yourself and kid yourself on it’s not that bad. But as time goes on the things you do get worse. You can be functioning until one day you’re not.

i have been sober 2.5 years now. From drinking a lot, every night for years. I haven’t been near AA. That is not my thing. I read quit lit, listened to podcasts, tapped into online connection. There’s an alcohol support board on here.

good luck x

Alcohol addiction can be genetic to a degree too so don’t beat yourself up. You acknowledge that you may have a problem and now you can take some steps to do something about it.

I like drinking but was similar to you. It became an everyday event.

I acknowledged it and now I have 3/4 drink free days and have cut my units down from about 50 a week to 20 ish. Still more than the recommended but to me it’s a good start.

I started by doing one on/one off and took it from there. Most weeks I now don’t drink Sunday-Thursday. I used to log it when I first started but now don’t need to.