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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you like being a parent?

213 replies

rowin · 27/02/2024 15:09

Hey all, I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am 26 and not quite sure if I am ready to become a mother but know that I do want children in the future.

I am going back and forth constantly, one minute I think that I definitely will be going ahead with the pregnancy and am ready for the next chapter.

The next minute I think about my care free life right now and lack of responsibilities and think that I can't do it. I see those my age who have children and it makes me feel quite down thinking that it could be me having to do children activities and not being able to do what I want.

I am really struggling with this right now and am looking for experiences and advice from the wise (hopefully) people of Mumsnet.

Do you regret having children? Do you actually enjoy being a mother? Is it really the best feeling in the world like some say?

I hope this isn't an insensitive post, I have been extremely down in the past week since finding out so am seriously trying to make my decision.

OP posts:
KeepSmiling89 · 27/02/2024 15:27

I also feel like I'm exploring the world as my daughter does at this stage in her life. I feel like I'm having fun that I wouldn't normally have when hanging out with my adult friends. There's also nothing like cuddles with my little girl whenever she needs them. Quite often those cuddles soothe me as much as they soothe her.
Soft play is my happy place with DD as well :)
I don't think I've ever laughed as much at the funny things she does as well...I could go on but that's a snapshot of my life as a parent!

KeepSmiling89 · 27/02/2024 15:20

I'm a mum to a 2 year old and I love it.
Is it always sunshine and rainbows? No.
Is it always doom and gloom? Also no.
I've learned to just embrace everything that comes with being a mum.

It definitely is a steep learning curve and everyone adjusts to it in their own way. I feel like I've found my feet as a mum (of course, now I've said that, DD will throw a massive curveball and change all of that!)
No 2 parents are exactly the same (as no 2 children are exactly the same) so you're going to get VERY varying responses.
Do you have a husband/partner or support system to help you through parenthood? I know I couldn't have done it without family support.

Should also add that I have a shared care arrangement with my ex (DD's father) so she's only with me 4 nights a week...I also work full time (Monday - Friday 8.30 - 4.30) so my response will be totally different to other parents on here.

CatsAddictedToDreamies · 27/02/2024 15:18

I never really wanted children. I was not maternal. I cried when I got pg at the age of 37 because I was so shocked and horrified by it all.

I LOVE being a mum. So much that I could not wait to have another one! Mine are now 13 and 11. I love it more than anything in the world. I adore my Dcs (and we had hard times as my older one has a number of disabilities). It is literally the best thing to have ever happened to me and I feel so grateful every day. The Dcs have enriched my life. they are my heart and soul.

Antelopevalleys · 27/02/2024 15:17

rowin · 27/02/2024 15:13

@Antelopevalleys thank you for your honest comment.

What do you find shit about it? I feel like the pregnancy, scans preparing for the baby, bringing the baby home etc all sound so exciting. But I feel as though once that wears off, I would feel deflated and as if "is this my life now?"

Oh yeah pregnancy was great, super fun. Having a small human reliant on you for survival - less fun.

To be honest my daughter is 3 so maybe I haven’t got to the good bit yet, but it’s pretty crap.

One thing no one told me about that I now make it my mission to educate others on, is the impact of going to nursery when you go back to work. On average children under 5 get 8-10 colds a year, most of which last between 2-3 weeks. If those colds get passed to you (likely) think of how long you spend unwell whilst also having to work and care for a child, who is most likely off nursery too. And that’s just colds. We are coming out of a bout of glandular fever - do not recommend.

Add insult to injury I spent £30k for the privilege (IVF) 😅

Lammveg · 27/02/2024 15:17

I'm had my first at 28 and can honestly say I love being a parent.

However. I am introverted, love taking care of things, prefer being out in nature which I can do with DD.. and my life re friends etc hasn't changed that much.

It's a HUGE responsibility and although I love being a mum it's sometimes actually so hard because there is no downtime.

Original poster
rowin · 27/02/2024 15:16

@Ewoklady that is a lovely way of putting it, thank you.

I think that has a part to play in it, I enjoy going out etc on the weekends and know that I can't do that too often with a baby. But then the day after a night out, I think I'm not doing that for a while. So not sure if that alone is worth not going ahead with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
rowin · 27/02/2024 15:14

@Podgedodge @Sususudio thank you both. I suppose having children is something that becomes your new normal I imagine?

OP posts:
Ewoklady · 27/02/2024 15:14

I was nearly ten years older than you at 35 and then again at 37 having mine
up u til then I travelled, did courses and had a great social life

in only getting my life back now a decade later (though career is going well, free time didn’t)

but I do feel that 26 isn’t a deal breaker in your life if you have support (you can get nights out etc) plus is it amazing and the love and grounding I feel from having them is so worth the lack of social life

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 27/02/2024 15:14

What's your AIBU?

Original poster
rowin · 27/02/2024 15:13

@Antelopevalleys thank you for your honest comment.

What do you find shit about it? I feel like the pregnancy, scans preparing for the baby, bringing the baby home etc all sound so exciting. But I feel as though once that wears off, I would feel deflated and as if "is this my life now?"

OP posts:
Sususudio · 27/02/2024 15:11

Sometimes I love it, sometimes I loathe it. My DC are young adults.

Podgedodge · 27/02/2024 15:11

It has been the biggest and best adventure of my life.

Antelopevalleys · 27/02/2024 15:10

honestly? No

My daughter was an easy baby, slept through from 6 weeks and is a dream. But being a parent is a bit shit.

Love her to bits but honestly, if I went back in time I’m not sure I’d be as keen to continue the pregnancy.

Editing to add I think it might depend on your life before kids, my life was very complete before, I have a great career, lovely family, great friends so having a child didn’t add anything, if anything it took away enjoyment from most of those areas of life. For some people who aren’t as ‘whole’ having kids really helps complete their lives so it depends

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