Do you like being a parent?

FWIW I would want another one even with all the elements I find hard 😂🤷‍♀️. My ovaries know what they want!

i think doing it at your age would be good coz then by the time they are in school you still have your 30s to enjoy? Bit of freedom coming back? As long as you’ve got some money and a decent partner.

im glad I didn’t do it loads younger as I had some MAD boyfriends back then which would have made it much worse than the parental disputes I currently have.

we have no family support at all and that’s hard plus I moved location for work Recently so we don’t have friends either. Parenting with others makes the day a lot nicer so build your community. Or do NCT and make some friends to hang out with.

This is an interesting take as you say your DC are now adults.

Sometimes I do like being a parent, sometimes not
(especially at 3,4 and 5am!). I'm only 9 months into it so it all feels a bit nuts at the moment. I also cried when I found out I was going to be a mum, but then thought that it may be the only opportunity to have a child as I was 34 at the time. I've tried to be as open and relaxed to the massive life changing thing that is having a baby and I think for me that has helped to ride out the shit times. It also helps if you have lots of people around that are willing to help out. I don't think I would've wanted to have a baby at 26, I was having too much fun then.

2 girls

One conceived through coercion in a bad d v relationship

He treated us horrible and we got out when she was small

She is now 6
Feisty and amazing
But def suffers from trauma

My 2 year old is a crazy whirlwind

I'm exhausted but feel so lucky
Def did not come naturally to me and i have very little common sense

But I am blessed beyond belief

Sorry that sounds so hard - you’re amazing and I hope brighter days are ahead for you. Xx

Not anymore. Having a shock postnatal diagnosis of a life-limiting condition in my last dc changed me irrevocably, unfortunately. I love my dc but I am stressed, tired, constantly on high alert, and just cannot remember what it feels like to enjoy it anymore. I absolutely miss my 2 older dc, I miss them even though I am pretty much always with them. The condition the youngest has has left me an anxious, stressed, and angry mess.

Obviously my situation is quite rare, but I wish I had only had 2 dc- I wouldn’t have taken on this heartache and chronic worry.

I was unexpectedly pregnant at 28 and had the same thoughts and worries as you. I was darkly depressed for a period of time, and I was convinced I had ruined my life.

Happily, I absolutely love being a mother. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old now, and they are - without a doubt - the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm actually desperate for another one!

It's hard work. And expensive. I've experienced the lowest lows, along with the highest highs. I have grey hairs and wrinkles and all my clothes are shit. But I wouldn't trade any of it in, my two children are the loves of my life.

Actually yes I do love being a parent, mine are 12 and 9. Looking back at times when they were younger it was very difficult but I never regretted having kids.
It is something that's a very personal decision though and if your gut is telling you it's not the right time then don't feel bad about that.
Do you have a supportive partner? Parents? Because having that support around you can make all the difference

Depends on the child, one of mine brings me joy, kindness, love and happiness and the other brings stress, arguments, defiance and drama.

One I'd have again in a heartbeat and the other I'm not so sure.
As I always try and think it's not that I have a favourite child it's just that I have an easier child. In other words one is a dream and one is a nightmare.

Telling a stranger they haven’t got emotional intelligence is the least horrid thing you’ve said in this thread.

Funnily enough I think we have very different ideas of what emotional intelligence and love means so I’ll happily take your insult :)

It does seem confusing for me that someone would sink Loads of money into ivf without really stopping to think about what they’re doing it for; and whether they truly want children.

I get how an accidental pregnancy or similar might be a different sort of decision, but trying that hard for something without any real awareness of the reality of what you were fighting for or your suitability to becoming a parent seems dangerously irresponsible.

I can see how all the tasks that parenting creates and how much it eats you up could seem like a really crap deal if you didn’t really feel the love for your kid. But I feel sad for you if the ‘hassle’ outweighs the love feelings.

Agree. I absolutely love being a parent, DS is just a wonderful human being. But I have a supportive DH who does his share of childcare - if I was doing it solo, parenting would be 3 times harder and probably quite a bit less enjoyable as a result.

Best thing I've ever done and I've done a fair bit.
Lone mum to three, wouldn't change it

I love bits of it. I find other bits really hard. I definitely wouldn't have wanted to be a parent at 26 myself (I was 37) but I also think it's probably a bit easier when you're younger - both for your body, but also because your parents are younger and can help more, you have more energy and time if you want more than one, etc. So long as you're financially stable and in a good, sold relationship with a good person, of course.

The worst thing for me is the lack of freedom. I don't want to spend my free time in playgrounds or petting farms. They're fucking boring. But my child loves them and they come first, so I take them there. I would much, much rather be doing my pre-child weekend activities of a mooch around town, day trips with friends, lazy day in bed and night out, etc. All my friends are in the same stage of parenting young children, so I rarely socialise because they're all prioritising their families (so yes, you can still go out when the baby gets older... but not if no-one else wants to go).

It completely changes your life. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And it's not narcissistic to slightly regret it or feel like you could have had a perfectly lovely life without them - it's just human. Parenting is hard, and no-one really enjoys doing hard things.

hate it, if I had my time again I wouldnt have had any

It's one of those things you can't known until you have done/are doing it really.

I had my first at 25, he was planned, but I fell pregnant very quickly, and I did have a moment of "heck what have I done". I had twins at 33, so a planned 7 year gap. But I have a very supportive husband ,I went back to my various activities a few weeks after each child, although I didn't have a madly active social life, and travel was just family holidays, , but they are seriously the best thing I have ever done, they are grown up now 33,26,26, and just the best company, and we will have our first grandchild this summer. It is hard work, money has been very tight at times , with us both on occasions having several jobs, and quality time as a couple hard, but we have got that time back now, I honestly would have done nothing different. But the timing has to be right for you, it is a very exciting new chapter, but is definitely easier if you have a supportive partner and family. Best wishes with whatever you choose to do.

Yes, it's a bit shit.
I had my 1st at 24 and really enjoyed my life before children.
I felt as if I was trapped, seeing everyone enjoy their social life and I was stuck in this rut of changing nappies, night feeds and cleaning sick off my clothes.
I'm now in my 30's and have 2.
If I knew then what I know now I 1000000% would have waited until I was in my 30's to have my first.
I love both my children dearly but my god, the first few years are not enjoyable.

Best thing I've ever done. Scary, draining, emotional, but oh my, the joy, happiness and pride. It's the most wonderful adventure.

I have 5 year old twins, I had them at 39.

They are harder than I ever thought possible, but I have zero regrets - my only slight regret (and it's nothing I could have changed) was that I wish I was younger.

It's like life - you have some absolutely amazing days, you also gets some days where you just want to fucking disappear off the face of the earth for a couple of days just so someone isn't saying muuuuummmmm.

Are you in a solid relationship with the father? I think that is a huge factor on how hard it will be for a start.

DS (6) was very much wanted and planned for, I love him to bits. But of course there are plenty of shit moments where you just want a break. When he was a newborn I really thought I'd made the biggest mistake of life! Someone mentioned a hand grenade being thrown in to your life and that absolutely sums it up. Would I still have had him if I could go back in time? Absolutely. But I'm also not having any more 😂

It is nice when they're adults. My own children dont jntend on having any and im fully supportive

The expense, stress, time, restriction etc on yiur lufe shouldn't be underestimated

Love mine to pieces ancwouldn't be wothout them (now) but not sure i would relived my life again

I'm not like is the right word. I dunno I find it difficult to answer that. Cos actually being brutally honest probably more than 50 per cent of the time, no I don't like it. Probs more than 50 per cent of my life/time with kids isn't particularly enjoyable or fun or whatever and it's certainly never easy. But the parts that are good are more important and lovely and fulfilling to me that it outweighs the other stuff even though as a proportion of time it's definitely less. It's probably like 70/30 not good/good but the good bits are just so beautiful it feels worth it anyway.

I was slightly younger than you with my DC1 although that was planned. The age was fine and if anything I maybe think we should have gone for it a year or couple of years younger than we did for various reasons. But I don't have any regrets and think it's been a good age for me to parent.

Some people answering will be trolls or mentally ill, like when I had PND i felt like wtf have i done and id go back to undo.

Any parent with aduly children now who says so will just not be a normal balanced parent, there would be some mental illness, eg my mother who kept feeling this way because she just wasn't fully ok. It's signs of a mental problem if not trolling.

I love being a parent.

I honestly wouldn't change it for the World. I'm not one of those Mum's who is 100% about their child only.

I have my own life, hobbies and interests. But I adore my son. He honestly completes me. (even I puked a little at that lol)

I think it depends on money, family support, expectations and your individual child.

People say you don’t need money but you absolutely do. You will be knocking about with parents who have stuff that makes their life easier and you will feel guilt you can’t provide x,y, z for your child. They change rapidly and need different things every month almost. And u want freedom to get the best or safest option. Or adapt eg if you kid had colic you’d want to buy them additional things to try and stop the hours of screaming.

my child doesn’t sleep well- no issues, she’s small born and eats a lot to grow. She’s doing great but I breastfeed and have not had a full nights sleep for over a year now. 4 hrs in a row is a good night for me- even if I have flu I still have to keep going. Initially I was feeding her hourly- that’s normal for breastfed.No one prepared me for this. Some I know- their kids sleep- no way of knowing until you roll the dice. Even those who sleep train eg don’t pick them up when crying- it’s not magic- any illness or teething etc they need extra comfort.

the hospital tells you to prepare for 8 cold/viruses a year which last up to 14 days in little ones . That’s normal. When they have a cold- you have to hold them more, they need comfort, as in you hold them on you at night coz they can’t breathe etc. not all the time but it happens. But u can’t fall asleep in a chair with them incase they suffocate! But u are so tired.

that aside your day to day is caregiving so changing them, nappies, washing, outfit changes from poo or wee leaks, feeding, burping, nap schedules. All whilst your child has other ideas and may be screaming at you.that aspect is deeply monotonous. Plus all of it takes endless research eg what’s the best nappy, how do you do a nappy, what is this rash? What’s the best cream? But you have NO TIME to give it the best research so you just do what you can, ask around or learn from your mistakes. Plus the bigger they get the stronger you get so you are wrestling like 2/3 stone toddlers/babies to do things- it’s physical!

The people I meet at baby classes are not deep connections- they are new aquaintances so you can feel very lonely. You’re on your own as a care giver 24/7. Even with a decent partner the enormity of keeping something so small and helpless alive is on you as mother. It’s just set up that mostly we are default parents. For all I try to push back- naturally I sleep light and wake to any cries or change in sounds. Partner doesn’t.

so logistically be prepared for some of the lowest lows you’ve ever felt. Leaving the house is a military operation and you can’t leave baby for any length of time when breastfeeding initially as you need to build supply/ they need feed on demand. Anything that you defined yourself on is gone initially- perhaps your image has changed, time for hobbies , work etc all gone. You could feel trapped as there isn’t any way out of it- you’ve made the commitment- you can’t give them back but you love them so much you don’t want to! Plus you think you look after them best so you don’t want to palm them off elsewhere necessarily.

but then obviously the love I feel for my DC is like nothing else and I had a gap in my life ready to try something new. I was older than you tho and had done most of what I had set out to do. There are 18 years of childhood and perhaps different ages will be more fun/ easier challenges. Not everyone has a kid to have a baby of you know what I mean.

my best advice is make sure your house is set up for a kid eg they will have their own bedroom ready- no DIT to do- you won’t have time! And save up some money. And keep some sort of routine eg leaving the house so it doesn’t become one point slog. You can do it if you want to but your life will never be the same or your relationship- but it doesn’t mean it’s worse- it’s just different and you are tested. But you get through. Good luck.

ps I find people don’t talk honestly like this and if they do people say about PND. Sometimes it’s the case. But honestly if you aren’t a carer or childcare by profession and you’re suddenly thrust in to that with no sleep- I think a lot of people would not enjoy all of it, all of the time! It’s ok to feel overwhelmed as it’s a big important job. But everyday there are moments where you are amazed by your child or they learn something new and you can’t believe how quick it changes!